


Ever-changing arrangements

by yoku_yoku



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-06-28 04:32:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 48,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15700233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoku_yoku/pseuds/yoku_yoku
Summary: A direct sequel to my fix-it fic (I got better, he got better) that took on a life of its own. Seems I had more to say. This one is gonna be a little different. If you want to read my direct sequel to that full on AU the chapters will be labeled as such but this is true divergence from what happened at the end and set post canon. I will also be taking forays into the past with Greed and Ling this time around. When they first 'met' and events along the way at different POVs. I will also endeavor to explain their frankly odd behavior within the show's timeline with some fill in. A lot is up to close enough to canon to be something that could have happened or at least feasible in these chapters so those will be labelled accordingly as well. Have fun reading, everyone!





	1. Mornings

**Author's Note:**

> Strictly AU!

Greed woke up slowly, becoming aware of himself in bits and pieces. As always one of the first things he felt was the nearly overbearing presence of Ling. Greed made to sit up in bed physically while yanking control of their shared body out from under him in one go. He relegated him to the back of their conscious mind like a sack of potatoes as was his much practiced routine when he woke up first. Ling didn’t even do the mental equivalent of turning over and continued to sleep deeply, totally oblivious. Greed ran a hand through his hair which was loose and wrapped around his shoulders in a sleep tangle with a sigh and scratched the back of his head as was a pervasive and long standing habit of his. He wiggled his head mid scratch to pop his neck a few times and loosen his joints. Then he extricated himself from the ruined knots of his bedclothes; Greed slept like he was enacting a bar fight real-time. After wiggling out of the impromptu cocoon he threw his legs over the side of his bed and dangled them while he summoned the energy to completely leave his comfort for his standard morning routine. 

 

He was not a morning person, as much of a ‘person’ as a homunculus taking an extended mandatory timeshare with the god king of a country can be. In fact he'd have probably gone completely nocturnal had it not been for his various self-appointed administrative duties. He had to admit that he had done having to wake up early to himself as he demanded his constant involvement in the affairs of the government. Despite having regrets over having to wake up before noon at all he was going to jump at the chance for some peace and quiet before loudmouth was all over him. He smoothed the covers behind him and whipped a few of the floor bound pillows back on top, smiling a little at the sheer size of the thread count on the sheets. They were nearly uncomfortable with how slick they were given the silk was so tightly woven. Expensive didn’t always mean better but you had to make concessions for the effect of the entire picture. Pure silk was the only way to go. Greed wouldn’t have it any other way. He also brushed a few crumbs to the floor in his half-assed tidying. He wasn't one to be cleanly on purpose much but tripping over pillows when he went to get ready got old fast. He looked at the pile of crumbs that were now on the floor. Had Ling been eating cookies in the bed again, he had told him to knock that shit off!?- He shelved his flash of rage, oh yeah, that was right, he had been peckish last night... He eyeballed the empty tin of biscuits he remembered being full last night that he now saw was sticking out from under the bed and pushed it completely under with his heel, not looking directly at it. He went to put on a light so he could navigate, stepping lightly over a few items on the way. Their room, one of them anyway, wasn't a landfill by any means but it was populated by spots of controlled chaos. Nobody besides the Emperor and a few hand picked friends were allowed within so it had gotten to the point of overgrowth. Even in the darkness things had a place even if that place was in the middle of the floor and it made sense to Greed and Ling as to where things were though it might not have made much sense to others.

Greed didn't like strangers touching his things on principle. Neither him nor Ling were specifically messy but they each had a ‘system’ of where they thought things should go. Clothes in piles that were half folded squatted on the floor, jewelry and accessories littered tabletops. Paperwork haunted the expanse. The food plates mostly made their way back to the kitchen, but there were deposits of non perishables hidden around. Random aesthetically pleasing objects like high priced vases and statuettes shared space with cool rocks simple wood carvings. Their combined taste was ecceletic at best and borderline magpie at worst. Despite the low level chaos both would know if something was moved and kvetch angrily until it was returned to the seemingly arbitrary placement.

Notes of Greed’s newish occupation hung around for those with a quick eye. Most of his clothes were at the back of the closet but new leather bracelets were nested in a jewelry box next to practically ancient pieces of fine jewelry. On the desk were some messy sketches with colored ink. Before they had went to sleep they had been touching up a very interesting version of the Yao family’s crest. A new symbol of the joint rulership Greed had demanded be made upon his return. He knew he kind of needed to stay a secret, at least for now, but he also wanted to be acknowledged in his own way. Greed for being Greed was also quite proud. The symbol in question was a two headed dragon. Dragons were full of import in xingese culture, many an emperor had picked a dragon to use in their personal crest. But, usage of a two headed dragon, one that Ed had commented in alchemy denoted a perfect being, had never been attempted. Both Greed and Ling were tickled at the symbolism of it. Not only would it represent them jointly but Greed's old crest came to mind in the design which they had worked to be circular. They were also presumptuous enough to use what was a depiction of a perfect being for their rule even though they tended to err on the side of walking potential disaster most days. Their symbol being a joke first and arrogant as hell second was something they both could agree on. Final passes on the look weren't done yet but it was shaping up to be near completion. 

He looked back at the bed longingly Greed loved sleeping as it was a minor vice, Greed loved vices, but Ling's body also simply just craved it with the same intensity as food or water. Al had posited that it was probably the strain of technically hosting two people but also Ling had been growing again, he was already taller than most of his subjects and Greed greatly enjoyed being intimidating. He sadly pushed the thought of sleeping in out of his mind while he evaluated his (and Ling’s) quarters. He had what he would call a properly functioning bed now, a plush four poster decked in lush fabrics and so many pillows that he had to push about half off the bed to be able to even sleep in it. The sheets and covers were lurid combinations of colors and patterns nearly stiff with embroidery running thickly all over them. It was just how he liked it. He had kicked a fuss for a bit until Ling let him do up a few chambers that they shared in more western sensibilities. As far as Greed was concerned sleeping on the floor was for animals and death row. Ling preferred a harder bedtime surface, namely the ground, (‘like an ANIMAL’, had been the comment at the time from Greed on one of his first nights back) and half the time when Greed woke up first he would find himself on the floor with a pillow and a blanket. More frequently he was also awoken shoved on the wooden platform on top of the bed that was supported by all the posts and housed the bars for the curtains near the ceiling, hidden from view.

 

That odd sleeping position had let him get the jump on a nosy palace regular last week who had decided to peruse his rooms in the night without permission. No killing intent, but someone with the mind for common thievery and spy work. Going through his (and Ling’s) things? He’d rather they be trying to kill him, that was at least honest! He had relished the opportunity to be properly menacing by appearing from the ceiling area and landing nearly on top of the spy, mouth full of not so idle threats. He sent him back to what he assumed was a ringleader sending out a greenhorn to test Ling’s mettle. Cute. 

Ling rarely let him perform to his fullest potential when it came to haranguing the locals and Greed had relished being able to set upon the man with his patented finesse. He sent the poor sap on his way with a broken wrist and a sunnily delivered message not to insult him again. Pretending to be an affable idiot had bonuses, it really made threats of bodily harm pop. He switched his train of thought from appreciating his material goods and conquests back to Ling. Speaking of affable idiots...

He went still and closed his eyes to go inward for a few moments. His awareness hovering over Ling's sleeping form, taking the shape of his favorite aspect- his big sharp face. Given that this was just a mental representation of himself Greed found that his self image was relatively malleable. Ling usually showed up in whatever he was wearing at the time, pajamas in this case, but Greed tended to change himself based on mood.

He'd sometimes show up as his old reliable toothy self, usually to yell at Ling given that it was his most demonic look by far. It had presence to it despite not being ringed by screaming innocents anymore. Sometimes he'd put Ling's face on, this was usually reserved for mockery but was rapidly becoming the default. He hated to admit it but he had gotten used to Ling's face looking back at him when he used a mirror, his range of expressions at home on the visage. He always said to Ling that he was making do with what Ling had in the face department but it wasn't a bad look if he was going to be privately honest. The year or so he’d been away had lent a little gravity to the gawky features he’d gotten used to. Ling’s face was nearly opposite of his old one, round and long rather than angular and blocky, ugh.. button nose, long brows and eyes that Ling often tried to hide from a childhood of being called ‘shifty’. Ling's ears were even rounder than his face and stuck out almost comically from his head. When Greed was in charge his influence sharpened Ling's face but Ling was no slouch in looking pointy on his own when the mood took him. There was a lot of worse he could have done in the body department, Greed reflected. He thought about how Father could have just as easily put him in Ed and shivered. Annoying Ling may be but Edward Elric he was not.

Greed had also taken to using his old bodies’s face, or even the one he showed when he deployed his full shield. These two were more recent additions. He missed his old face so he enjoyed giving Ling the privilege of seeing it. At least one person could continue to bask in the glory.  He enjoyed keeping Ling on his toes by mixing it up. Though Ling was more liable to just make fun of both given that one of the first times Grees used his old visage he forgot to match the clothes to the man and looked like ‘a foreigner playing dress up at a themed dinner’. Apparently fancy emperor robes and his 1.0 model looked ‘’’funny’’’ together. So what? Even in robes he knew he looked good! Ling was just a know- nothing bastard! He also made fun of his shield form, calling him baldy and ‘big slappy’. He had even came up behind him to slap at his head during one of their heated discussions (arguments). There was absolutely zero respect from that nasty brat! 

 He looked at Ling curled peacefully below him and pulled a very Greed expression of exasperated distaste. On top of being a conniving little monkey the damn kid was too trusting. It was almost annoying. Greed knew that they had history at this point but he was still a bastardized creation outside of the will of natural order, a title that would usually bring at least a bit of respect. Or at least the other party being conscious. He was technically a wanted criminal as well, if his multiple deaths didn't absolve him of his crimes at this point. That beautiful mistress diplomatic immunity protected his machinations at present. Small bonus for dealing with what he had to daily. Greed rolled eyes that didn’t have pupils and looked at the burden of his third shot at life. Ling breathed on beneath him looking as peaceful as a lamb.

He was a monster and morally bankrupt to boot, dammit. If Greed wanted to he could have bashed Ling into complete submission and made the body entirely his own, that was how down Ling’s defences were lately. Mutual associates as they were (or /friends/ as Ling would call it) was one thing. Ling was sawing logs without a care in front of one of the kingpins of the underworld! 

He poked at him with a hand looking appendage he materialized. There was the barest whisper of mosquito netting mentally, just enough for Ling to keep his dreams to himself out of courtesy. He could destroy that wall in a second, overwhelming him, taking the spot of Emperor for his own. Sharing had always been an alien concept after all.

He loomed over Ling, growing bigger and more menacing. He’d relegate Ling so far down that he’d never be able to surface. Only a few people even knew he, Greed, existed. His eyes grew wild and his outlines grew fuzzy and indistinct in agitation. He could quietly dispose of those humans with a few judicious applications of his claws at the opportune moment. Or hell, throwing them into jail to rot -who would his subjects believe? He could run this country as his personal vehicle of earthly delights. He could perform a quiet hostile takeover. Literally! He could…. 

 

He sighed through his nose and blinked Ling's eyes, rubbing them with his palms in the gloom of early morning. This was not a line of thinking that Ling would appreciate. As if he’d actually do something so petty anyway, he had standards! For all their clashing the current relationship that they had hammered out through strife and day to day checks and balances ended up benefiting him the most. Also just how he liked it. Alphonse had called it ‘mutualism’ and then prattled about the relationship between species of animals with words like ‘symbiosis’ whatever the Hell that meant until Ed had begged him to stop.

 

Whatever the Alphonse terminology was Greed wasn’t one to sour a good thing going on. Besides, with Ling in the way as he always was it was very hard to feel that yawning emptiness that had constantly lurked at the edges of his awareness that had predated their current situation back when he was just Greed without a constant hanger on in tow. Oh, Greed still did want, he wasn’t so toothless as to stop desiring things and experiences, but it wasn’t with the same… well not beating around the bush but he had been unhappy. Now he wasn’t necessarily unhappy. 

Ling checked on and unwittingly threatened for the morning, he got up and stretched not taking care to be quiet as he got ready. Greed could go to a quarry and play with the blast powder and Ling wouldn’t wake up when he slept like this. Another sign the kid trusted him completely, frustratingly. He was not supposed to be trustable!

Ling had not been able to have many nights of deep sleep pre-amestris. As Greed had been told (Greed knew Ling's entire memoirs back to front at this point. Ling didn't know when to shut the hell up) Ling’s early life was full of attempts to kill him. Amestris was a vacation in comparison. Nobody had known who Ling was, and Ling had taken advantage of this to sleep deeply for the first time in possibly forever. This was short lived after Greed had, moved in, as it were. Ling had kept constant vigilance during those times as he was unsure what Greed would get up to unsupervised. He had eventually gotten good enough in Xing to not have to worry about a casual attempt on his life. He had also eventually, well, not trusted completely, but was able to predict Greed’s movements enough to take more than quick cat naps as their relationship passed from adversarial backbiting to cautious accord. 

 

When Ling had come back home, lost Greed there for a second, and became emperor meanwhile, he had to learn to sleep with both eyes open yet again. Yes he had his guards and yes he also had Lan Fan as the best pinch hitter he could ask for but it only took one mistake to end up in the hall dedicated to portraits of previous emperors. Plus he always thought it was pretty rude to snore away while she was up looking out for him. Naysayers of his promotion had tossed quantity over quality at him in hired murderers nearly every day and he had had to get back in the habit. Now that Greed was constantly lurking Ling took it as the okay to sleep like a baby. He trusted Greed's stewardship over their body in that Greed certainly wouldn’t want to have it poked full of holes or lit on fire. Greed didn’t care for being taken advantage of but he also slept light of his own volition. He supposed it was fine as long as he wasn’t being put out, plus it allowed him the aforementioned precious quiet time. Ling was aware of both of these points of leverage. The first few nights after Greed had returned Lan Fan had been in to check on Ling every night without fail to find Greed up and looking at her in the dark. She took that to mean that he had night watch pretty well in hand and ignored his ‘so are you gonna come in and play cards and talk about boys on this sleepover or what?’ on the third night of the same events playing out.

He brushed at his hair with an ivory handled comb and looked at the notes Ling had left under the bedside table in a secret compartment he had made in the standard drawer. That was another of their ideas. They both were tired of waking the other up in the morning to remember who was doing what that day. He had to of course destroy the notes as soon as he read them because they were full of incriminating evidence that the Emperor was currently fully and absolutely haunted. They contained phrases like “and don’t forget to keep my face on people have been talking” and “would it kill you to wear the gloves like I’ve been asking if you’re not gonna keep the makeup on our new tattoo! :) ” 

With Greed around they had taken to finding interesting ways to obscure the new mark, not wanting anyone to draw conclusions between him and his brother who was still knocking about a few countries away. It was a weak link but a link was still a link. Ink didn't take, whenever he made his claws it would fade right off. They had taken to drawing designs around it to hide it in plain sight but sometimes time didn't allow for it. Dye and makeup also had limited successes. At least the new mark wasn't as immediately recognisable as an ouroboros, thankfully, just two circles nested together. 

He looked down the laundry list of tasks he had to accomplish. Oh boy, today was the day the Amestrians were coming. The military. This was something he was actually looking forward to! Daily life as as a (co) sovereign leader of an entire country was a lot more boring than he'd been led by his own daydreams to believe. No matter, the evenings were his to spice up.

Greed got contemplative as he always did when he was ‘alone’. This third stage of this life of his was very different than what he had planned on. Or more accurately lack of planned on. He went to the mirror to finish straightening himself up for the day and practice his Ling for the visiting group. He took the teeth out of his smile and rounded the edges trying to bring the expression to his eyes with small success. It was the eyes that gave him away most of the time. He began to slip on his standard eight pounds of jewelry he wore when intimida- greeting new guests and mused over how he gotten to this point in his life while Ling endeavored to somehow snore within him. 


	2. Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Canon timeline, first meetings from the point of view of our two main characters

 

Greed felt the attraction of a something alive awaiting him, his awareness was sudden and complete but simple in its scope. He knew who, in a general way, he was. What exactly he was doing. Not much more than that. There was flesh and blood quite near. He knew exactly what to do with that at least, the stone part of him /loved/ flesh. He set to work by instinct, going into the bloodstream and plugging himself into this new body’s controls, assessing the damages. There were some broken bones (not his fault) and the heart was trying to stop beating from his assault on the interior. As he became aware of his new limbs one by one he could feel them thrashing and his new body screaming in pain from the poison that taking a stone in was. Ha, incredible pain, he remembered that sensation pretty well, too. From somewhere. It felt pretty recent.

He was a stone as well as boiled down sin and a normal human, had to be what this was that he had been poured into, couldn’t usually take a stone. He couldn’t have that, he needed a new ride! He could feel that this one was young and resilient but even more interestingly it wasn’t putting up much of a fight like he thought humans must usually. Nobody wanted to be literally possessed, he thought. As he instinctively knew it, him and the human would need to square off for supremacy of this body. 

Greed knew he had been taken from somewhere within Father and put here. He knew the experience of a previously owned body was new and he also knew that this was not his first body. He was sure on those two points. He was Greed the Avaricious! He was double sure on that extra core fact. Nice to be so succinct. He put the body that was naturally trying to reject him through its paces, healing the damages at the same time. It was delicate work but it was worth it, he didn’t want to let this one go easy. Multiple alchemic reactions crackled over his new form which was stiff with the rigor of all the muscle groups going crazy with spasms at once. As he patched up the ribs he got curious, where was the current occupant? He soaked into the soul of his new host, getting acquainted with his mind as well as his body. Oh, there he was. 

Greed manifested himself out of the souls of the innocent that ringed the sides of this internal place, if Greed had to make a guess it was probably a representation of the human’s soul. He was interested in whom he would be usurping control of and why they weren't kicking and screaming in retaliation with everything they had. He kept the souls at bay a slight bit, not wanting to overwhelm him just yet. Hey now, this human was just a kid! Why would Father feed him a kid? 

He looked down at the kid in front of him and his eyes narrowed in a grin. So, that’s what this body looked like. Not terrible, gangly regrettably, all limbs intact. Nice. Greed towered over him.

“You lost kid? What are you doing in a place like this?”, he said with mockery. He listened as the kid fed him some grandiose lines about being a hopeful for a spot at being a King or something and most importantly he was- fine? with letting Greed use the new digs. That felt decidedly unusual. Upon investigation the kid wanted power, he wanted status. To protect others! Hilarious concept, tends to not work out. (Where had that come from?)  He claimed he could take Greed on. Laughable! Wants and desires were Greed’s thing. This kid had to be pretty cocky to tread on his turf. Greed was mildly interested, with the kid not putting up a fight he was using way less souls than what he thought this process normally took. This was pretty beneficial to him. He was almost done making himself at home, if the kid wanted him that was fine, it would make him easier to subsume. He wasn't used to being outright given what he wanted but he would cope. He threw himself at the little king-hopeful full force, the brat probably couldn't handle Greed at his most greedy. That would teach him to bite off more than he can chew! 

 

He opened his new eyes.

 

\----------------------------------------

  
  


“What about Ling?”, Ed asked, concerned but yet curious about his fate. Ling took a stone and survived the process, Ed knew it almost couldn’t be done. 

 

“He’s an interesting kid, he accepted me with no trouble, did you know that?” Greed replied to blond on the floor underneath a giant hell lizard. He had to recognize real power moves when he saw them, the kid who’s body he claimed had major stones to try and take him in, knowing the risks it entailed. It was a straight up gamble that was very in favor of house rules. If Greed hadn't been so delicate or further still if the previous owner hadn't been so oddly accepting things could have turned out much differently. Anyone with designs on being Emperor, as he so claimed, of somewhere was someone with panache. Greed’s avariciousness came with casual appreciation built right in. He didn’t think it was every day that someone would give up a perfectly working body in exchange for power. Greed did have a lot of power all right, but he didn’t understand what the human meant by wanting it for his own. Greed was not one to share. He sent a quick probe within. Maybe that kid had been all talk because he didn’t feel anything out of place besides the normal tumult. 

Speaking of bodies, Greed felt great! This guy’s body was amazing! He supposed he had no frame of real reference given that he was just born a second or two ago. Regardless, he filled his new lungs with air and scratched the back of his neck feeling a long ponytail back there. That felt different than usual. Different from what he really couldn’t put a finger on. 

A reunion or something with another kid and a tiny animal had taken place and now Father told him to go fight the humans.  Fine by him. He was kind of lost on the finer politics of the situation to be honest. Greed was all about that honesty. He ruminated on that for a second. Would you look at that he did have a few memories knocking about. It wasn’t specific or anything but he was sure that he didn’t care for lying.  Felt almost like a code of conduct. Father also told him there was indeed a previous Greed. He had known that already. Well he was him now, best to live in the moment.

Looks like he was born into interesting times here in what looked (and smelled) like a sewer of some sort? He’d find out more later, it was time to try out this new acquisition. He felt the musculature and the power behind his movements even just walking around. This boy must have been a fighter or something. Hopping off the rubble he moved like a dream. He was practically skipping down to have it out with one of the humans.

 

He picked the one that yelled at him, he looked like a good mark. Humans were pretty resilient, he had to tidy up a few broken ribs on entry but other than that this body was up and raring to go for a brawl. He was happy to oblige. The blond one was yipping at him, ruining the mood, crying out for a Ling. That had to be the previous occupant, he guessed. He remembered their brief introductions correctly before he consumed him body and soul and he remembered introducing only himself, that was for sure. That was the only thing that mattered anyway. Body acquisition was proving to be so messy. This was his now, people needed to step off and recognize a possession (in both lights) of his when they saw it. 

 

He traded blows with the kid and threw his shield up and down marveling at how light and punchy he felt. He was in a good mood. Despite being a lot lighter than his instincts painted him as he was able to take some pretty nice punches from his adversary. His new body moved nicely but he felt the strain on it as he threw it around like a brawler. This other kid was giving him a good work out. He noticed there was a lot of kids 'round here... was Father running a daycare? Too bad about all the yelling the one he was fighting was doing. It was falling on deaf ears considering the situation that Greed had no idea what he was talking about. 

 

He called him, Greed's body, a prince, that was a compelling thing to learn. Maybe that first brat he had been talking to was closer to Emperor than just a pipe dream. The kid clutched at him and told him to snap out of it. Kids these days. He reasserted his name to the boy. That was one memory he was sure of to his core. He is Greed, in every sense of the word.

“What about Lan Fan!?” Ed screamed in desperation to Ling, pinning Greed to the floor after knocking his legs out from under him in a swift motion and launching a punch directly to his face. Greed caught it just in time, but something about that name, he felt an awareness explode in his chest and behind his eyes that he did not like the feel of.

Ling opened his eyes and lurched upward violently. He looked around in bewilderment at the void of horrors he was in with something bordering on terror. That particular emotion was not often felt by Ling, he was cool under extreme pressure. Meeting serial killers and being thrown into jail didn't spook him but this was a new level of weird. Was this a nightmare? He came back to himself at Ed’s desperate entreaty, hearing Lan Fan’s name pierced through the noise and chaos he found himself in. He had been sleeping? Why? Where was this?

He remembered abruptly. That was right he had given his body over to what looked like a pure distilled sin as a Philosopher’s stone if the names he was hearing tossed around were anything to go by. Envy, Gluttony, etc. There was a definite pattern. He gathered himself and burst forth from within Greed, overpowering his loose defences for only a moment instinctually at Lan Fan’s name and found himself staring up at Ed. Nice of Ed to try and fight the body snatcher for him. He only had time to feel Ed’s punch connect with his face bones before Greed recovered. Greed reacted with a pause and surprise at Ling's reappearance and with just a touch of what felt like fear. He overpowered Ling with an alarmed mental shove, subduing his quarry in the same breath. While Greed put Edward in a wrestling lock, nice form, Ling noted- Ling mentally retreated to assess his situation as his new acquaintance threw up what felt like a hard wall of intense pressure that prevented Ling from doing much of anything else. It felt like pure mental will.

The fight fizzled out quickly to Greed’s disappointment after that. Father was in charge and administered final say on the fates of their assailants. Greed watched as one of his siblings escorted the two out to meet his other brother, Wrath. They were important enough to Father’s grand plan that they couldn’t be killed. Greed had knowledge of that well enough. He was learning a lot, he now knew he had quite a few siblings as well as a Father and there was a plan of some sort. Maybe more knowledge would come his way if he waited around, he was mildly curious. Wanting information was also a form of wanting and he didn’t like lacking anything, even the intangible. 

The fighting and more importantly his entertainment for whatever time of day it happened to be was over anyway. That blond yelled at him again as he left with what looked like a suit of armor assuring Greed that he knew Ling was still in there. Greed turned his back to the rubble and the boy and narrowed his eyes. He knew for a fact that his body’s original owner was still around although he wouldn’t tell those other brats that information. He could feel him now, lurking quietly. So he did survive Greed's acquisition, pretty strong will he had there. He chose not to reply to the brat addressing him and he also chose to brush off the new presence of the brat within him. For now. 

After the humans left he reported back to Father who was already transmuting the pieces of his home back to normal, waiting for more orders at a lack of anything else to do. His sibling, Gluttony was it? Had to be looking like that- was dying on the floor but that wasn’t his problem, Father would handle it. 

 

Father looked at him with something close to emotionless derision and instructed Greed to make sure that no more humans were crawling around in the sewers. Hmm, guard duty, sounded like busy work. Greed could go for a little more exercise in any case. He had energy to burn, leftover adrenaline from the in his opinion prematurely ended fight.

He didn’t much like the look Father gave him, something about it rubbed him the wrong way. He was still set on trying out his new body, though. He took the orders without complaint and left the large room at a trot. That didn’t mean he was going to necessarily do what he had been told but Father didn’t need to know that, now did he? He would peruse the sewers as he left them for more interesting local.

 

Ling meanwhile could barely tell what was going on ‘outside’, if that was a thing. He could feel the souls all around him in a fuzz of red noise but now that he knew what he was dealing with he could stave them off with only a little problem. He just had to assert himself and keep himself together. As long as he had his goals in mind he didn't think that he'd have another fainting spell like before. Ling was very self assured and as long as he kept being that way the souls were too disorganized to overwhelm him. In theory anyway.

 

He could somehow feel that the fighting was over. Things were ‘calmer’ than when he woke up. As calm as could be expected with what he had to work with, he guessed. He trained an eye at the stream of horrors all around him and gulped. 

Ling tried to focus in on his new inhabitant instead of his prison, it was time to take stock on who he was dealing with. Time to check out what the warden was like. 

 

He reviewed what he knew. Ling was surprised still to find out the stone had… like a /guy/ in it. Yeah the other homunculi looked and somewhat acted like people but this guy felt a little different. He didn't think that he'd have the opportunity to talk his way into (and maybe, just maybe, out of) this situation especially with someone that didn't seem... in a word? Evil? 

 

That Father had talked about creating a human based homunculus or whatever but to be honest Ling had heard the words ‘stone’ and ‘give’ and the ringing in his ears had blocked out a lot of the rest. He felt that this homunculus didn't necessarily have to ask, rudely, but he still had asked, him to hand over his body. The fact that he had struck up any sort of bargain with Ling was notable. Time to learn more.

 

He opened his mouth. His only tool he really had left. Luckily it was one of the more powerful weapons in his arsenal.

_ Greed? _ he called. That entity, toothy face, had introduced himself as such. He didn’t get an answer.

_ Greed?! _ he tried again.

Ling felt like Greed could probably hear him. He also felt like they? were going somewhere. Or more accurately he was along for the ride to somewhere. 

 

_ Greed? Hello? Hi! Took a little nap there for a second but I’m up now, what’s up with you? Told you I was strong enough to take you on. How do you like those convictions? _ Ling slipped into a faux relaxed state, keeping wary, but as he was as fine as he was going to get given the situation the adrenaline was wearing off. If he couldn’t do anything by action it was time to collect some info. He tested the wall Greed had put up just to be sure, feeling a significant amount of push back from the mental brush he gave it. He was getting better at rationalizing these odd mental gymnastics he found himself trying to do, it was probably best to not think about it too hard. If it worked as he willed it to than it was good enough for him. Information gathering it was, then. 

 

_ So, Greed, tell me about yourself, likes, dislikes, star sign, your blood type is…. technically mine now, huh, okay let’s skip that one. _

 

_ Hmm not talking? Okay sure, that's fine, now, how about a favorite subject of mine. Me! Name’s Ling Yao, emperor hopeful hailing from the country of Xing! I like fried food, all food really, love getting my chomp on- hate having a prick not listen to me when I know he can HEAR ME, Gemini, blood type O. _

Ling leaned backward and ticked the categories off on his fingers amidst the screams, raising his voice in the middle to punctuate his point. He clearly felt Greed’s attention slide to him. He lazed harder in response. 

“Souls I consumed do not get to open a dialogue with me. I will congratulate you on surviving, and not ending up like the score of those around you. You’re made of tougher stuff than most humans. Now be quiet.” 

_ Thanks! Heyyyy there he is. What is going on my man? _ Ling greeted Greed’s first real response to him with glee, he had him now. First mistake anyone could make was giving Ling an inch. Greed’s words echoed around him clear as a bell unlike the other sensations he could barely feel. He went quiet and let Greed think he was going to actually listen to him for about a minute or so.

_ So, what are you doing!? _ He abruptly yelled the question at top volume and was rewarded by what he felt was an infinitesimally small jump of surprise from Greed. 

Ling grinned wildly, oh yes, this one might be more fun than he thought.

Ling was rewarded in startling Greed with a flash of what looked like outside. It appeared in his mind's eye. Looks like upsetting his new best buddy had other bonuses.

_ Hey you outside, pal? Where you going? Did /Daddy/ give you an errand? _

Greed exhibited a flash of anger. Ling got another snippet. Some emotions too? Ling was good at reading people like books because of his upbringing but this was something more complex. He actually felt the spike of rage.

“None of your business.” Greed punctuated his admonishment with a mental shove at Ling. Ling staggered back but clapped his hands once and rubbed them together at getting more feedback. Yes it was definitely outside and not the sewers. Ling couldn't hear much from before but knew Greed probably wasn't supposed to be outside. Not following orders, huh? So soon after being created?

 

Ling got another key piece of info from that fleeting contact with his senses, Greed by extension of being Ling now, was starving. Ling had only eaten a boot as of late and that was before brawling it out with homunculi and being possessed. Both pastimes were hungry work, and even without the confirmation of feeling it for himself he knew he must be running on worse than fumes by now! Ling didn’t think that regular homunculi needed to eat but he knew his body like the back of his hand. (Which was also attached to his body.) ((Maybe not the hand with the new tattoo.)) Greed probably had never felt hunger like this before, he guessed. Especially Ling’s special brand of the gut gnawingly painful, debilitating, and insistent variety. 

 

_ Might you be hungry, Greed? My personal curse! _ Ling chuckled,  _ Welcome to the human experience, sometimes it sucks real hard!  _ Ling sharpened up, he could use this, couldn’t he? 

_ Greed, pally, you need money if you’re gonna get decent food, I know where we stashed some cash for emergencies. I could tell you, if you want…. Also where to get a good plate of something, I feel like you wouldn’t know where the good grub is, you can trust me to not steer you wrong on that front!  _

‘You get more flies with honey, after all’, Ling thought to himself. Giving Greed some cash and a way to eat would help Ling out too, it wouldn’t do to let himself starve. 

There was an absolutely weighty pause.

“This body needs to eat so tell me where I can get food.”

Ling pumped a fist but dialed his eagerness back now that he had Greed on the hook. He crossed his arms and pouted. “I guess I can protect my own interests, I can’t inherit anything if you let me starve to death. Let me see where you’re going, I can’t give directions to our stash blind,” Ling postured. Both understood that starving to death wasn't a permanent condition but wanted to avoid the discomfort. Ling also knew that Greed collapsing in the city wouldn't endear Ling to him.

 

Ling was suddenly disoriented with his standard point of view thrust at him rather than his view of the endless font of souls. He found that if he concentrated he could switch back and forth. Neat. Greed craned his head around, it made Ling a little nauseous to not be in control of where he looked or where his eyes focused. He really couldn’t feel anything but it was nice to at least see the sun again. He honestly thought he might never see it again after getting eaten, transmuted, and also taking the stone in. He had had a lot of full on run ins with death lately. A small plus was that he realized with Greed now in charge he was functionally immortal. That was a nice door prize. 

 

Ling recognized the alleyway they were in. Bumming around the cities being technically homeless all this time had unexpected gifts. 

_ Okay I got it, you’re gonna go out of here and take a left, follow the road until you get three streets down, then go right, walk until you pass a park. In the park there’s gonna be a fountain, the money is stashed ‘round there. _ Ling knew to get someone on your side you had to start building bonds of some sort. The bonds forged by food would be an easy start, it was important to appeal to his captor’s baser instincts. He seemed like a basic kind of guy.

Greed sauntered down the street taking everything in. There were people and automobiles going about their business. Greed didn’t have specific memories of people or things but concepts and generalizations were coming to him easy.

Still, seeing a teeming city go about the normal machinations was much different than knowing about it. Greed whipped his head back and forth talking in the sights and Ling could not guess at the feeling of bewilderment that he thought he could pick up from Greed. It wasn't his own emotion, that was for sure. Ling was only cautious. It was just the city. Ling wondered why Greed was treating it with such interest.

 

It was a beautiful day with blue skies and white puffy clouds in the air, shame that Ling was experiencing the nice walk basically against his will. Ling left Greed at it with only a small single word course correction or two. Greed accepted his input without a word. Small progress. Great. Greed found the fountain without incident.

 

It wasn’t like he was letting the kid tell him what to do, Greed just recognized that this guy had information he didn’t. The brat was right, he felt a disconcerting gnawing in his guts and it was getting worse by the minute. This was real hunger, he guessed. He did not like it one bit. Was hunger supposed to make you feel like you were dying?  How did people live like this?! He felt his muscles shake with tremors and it was hard for his eyes to focus. He needed something to eat and if the kid was offering a way to get at something hot he wasn’t /not/ going to take him up on the offer. Greed wanted the good stuff and was not about to dumpster dive for his first meal. 

This guy was already annoying the ever living hell out of him but maybe him being around did have uses. Greed did actually not know where the hell he or anything else was in this city. Might do to have navigation. The kid was actually an asset if he thought about it. Greed didn't have many assets presently. Mainly just the tattered clothing on his back. It would be sensible of him to keep him around. 

He also kept that he was very near needing to crawl on the ground to keep ambulating to himself. Ling still knew, he only had to feel the type of pang to understand that Greed had an hour or so before he was practically dead where he stood, but didn't reference the weakness. He intuitively guessed that outright threats were not the answer. There was a lot of posturing going on from the both of them.

 

He didn’t feel like it was a trap, a random fountain somewhere wouldn’t be hiding any enemies. He wasn’t sure why this weirdo was giving him the info in the first place but he wasn’t dealing with what he thought was a standard type of human. Aforementioned allowing him to possess him with apparently no frills was really throwing Greed off his game. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Greed knew he was used to taking what he wanted and damning the consequences. When what he wanted was freely given… what was he supposed to do with that? Ling interjected over Greed’s thoughts as he walked closer to the fountain. 

_ Okay we’re here, I’ll tell you where it is, but, listen Greed you gotta do something for me,  _ Ling ventured. Greed stopped in his tracks and showed his teeth. There was the rub, this kid was shrewd. He had him on the sinker. Looks like the kid understood not doing things for free, so much for no frills.  Greed was far away from any point of reference and fading fast. He puffed his chest out, all bravado. “I don’t have to do anything for you, you little twerp you’re at the mercy of Greed the Ava-” 

_ Yes Greed, Avaricious, I know. I’m just asking, it would really help me out, it’s simple. Then we’ll go get something to eat. The people of Xing keep their promises Greed, I let you have my body, right? Do me a little tiny favor just the once? _

Greed sighed angrily but he knew he had been out maneuvered. Time to save his dignity before he actually fainted. He didn't want a situation where the little chump could actually wrest control back. Fainting like an overwrought maiden would be just the situation. “Where is it.” Ling took Greed's demand as agreement to cooperate but still hammered in a touch of his special ability to irritate. 

_ Promissee? _

“I don't lie, brat.”

_ HA! Thanks, compatriot of mine!  _

Greed squinted and Ling felt a build up of anger. He held himself back and sobered up. He shouldn't push his luck overtly.

_ Okay, okay, it's simple stuff- all you have to do is let me send a message to my retainer, I owe her that at least. She’s the one I told you about before, the one who ripped her own arm off for me, Greed. Human arms don’t grow back! I owe her something of mine at least. It’s only fair. I need you to just take it to the little guy and the armor guy you saw, Edward and Alphonse respectively by the way, they'll get it to her just fine. Promise me this and I’ll give you where the stashed money is. Listen. I’m gonna need to write it, though, Greed. She needs to know it was me and not some kind of trick. Just give me an arm and like thirty seconds and- _

“You think I’m stupid enough to really believe this? Hell no! I don’t owe you shit, you’re gonna take a grab for control. You’re regretting giving up on your body already. Conviction my ass!” Greed startled a few pigeons as he ducked around the fountain looking for the cash and hissing a reply to Ling under his breath. He supposed he could just steal want he wanted but now he wanted the agency of having money on him. He really liked money. 

_ Greed I said I promised! I do not go back on my promises. I said that too. I owe her, Greed, I also made her a promise.  _

 

Greed’s brow furrowed in consternation. If he ended up meeting up with this girl later she would be yelling at him and calling him a liar. It wouldn't have been him lying to her on a technicality but if it was avoidable... He also liked a woman with enough fortitude to rip her own arm off. Still, it wasn't like him to give anything away. He dug his feet in. He wasn’t going to be easy on the sell. 

Ling actually felt Greed dig in and rubbed his sinuses in frustration. His clipped reply echoed out to Greed.  _ I know where the best steak dinner in this goddamn city is bar none and a proper bed at an inn for later, if you sleep.  _

 

Greed smiled. That was something he could get into. “Keep talking,” he raised an eyebrow and moved a hand in a ‘go on’ rotation.

_ And… I’ll shut up for the rest of the day. _

Greed knew when he had a good deal, he had a feeling this kid was a motormouth. He put his hands on his hips.

“You got ten seconds,” he advised. 

‘Ten seconds? Of all the cheap- WHATEVER I don't actually need that much time,’ Ling thought to himself angrily. He was wasting his one phone call on this and really getting worked on what he was owed. Beggars couldn't be choosers, he kept his outlook sunny as he replied. 

_ Great! Okay so you got any paper or like a pen or- _

Greed looked around and thinking of something that would work he took a bit of bandage off Ling’s wrist and raised a thumb to his mouth, biting it hard enough to draw a good amount of blood. He spit the excess out on the ground, he wasn't that hungry. Yet. He then extended his will to stymie the natural healing reaction of his.

“Here.” Greed moved just enough away from the controls to let Ling slip through. Ling stumbled forward with suddenly being able move his appendages again. He felt Greed at his proverbial back, poised to grab at him if he tried anything funny. Ling thought for about a second on actually trying something but tossed the idea out with a sigh. He knew he wouldn't be able to stay in control. He also didn't want to sour the burgeoning rapport he had cooking. Although maybe rapport was a strong definition. It was more like burgeoning breaking of a wild horse to suit his needs.

 

Ling wasn’t down and out with the circumstances of who was in control, his aim in the end was to let Greed /think/ he was the one making the decisions. If Ling couldn’t get his body back the old fashioned way he’d try and puppeteer his puppeteer instead. Poetic. He looked down at his thumb which was a mess and squatted down with the bandage on the ground to write. This would have to do.

“Uggh, gross! Damn, alright, can’t be choosy. I feel like a murder victim writing his last words here _ ,”  _ he complained out loud. He guessed again that Greed could hear him just like he could hear Greed when they're positions were switched. He then heard something with a peculiar quality of being from inside him rather than an outside noise.

 

_ pff _ . 

 

What was?- Was that possibly a laugh? Did this collection of souls have a legitimate sense of /humor?/  Had Ling heard what he thought he did? How in the hell- He delicately left that revelation be as he quickly smeared his message, knowing time was a factor . He stood back up and took a final breath of short lived freedom and hung his arms to the sides. “Okay I'm done! Here you go. Thanks a lot, I mean it.” Ling let Greed back in control without a fuss, it was a simple enough mental action. He just sort of relaxed his hold on… himself? Greed shoved at him and thrust his will forward and Ling was back where he started. Inside, Ling still was able to see, hear, and unfortunately smell now even not in control, that stench had to be him from his little dip in Gluttony before. It was a marked improvement over the last hour! Getting his senses back was a tiny but key victory. He was thankful to even have terrible smells back. Maybe this was a reward for cooperation? More likely he was just getting used to this whole soul monster thing. Ling was nothing if not malleable to whatever life decided to throw at him. Or, more accurately what his bad decisions ended up gifting him.

 

Greed warily looked at the message in his hand. He let the brat have his senses back, but didn't indicate the giving of ground was his idea. He knew he would grow tired of him asking for them every time so he relaxed a tiny bit and let him come forward enough to get at them passively. Those little exercises of letting him see and putting him back in control for a second let Greed realize he could modulate the amount if he so chose. The message was in some kind of scribble that he couldn't read. “What's it say?” He asked, knowing that the author of the message could now see it. Ling smiled again. Well, looks like his personal monster wasn't fluent in various other tongues. Excellent.

_ Uh uh uh, message from me to her, nothing incriminating I promise. Now, let's see about food first, consummate my end of the deal. Although…. _

“What now?!”

_ They're not going to let you in anywhere looking and smelling like that. You smell like roast beef. I did take a bath in what looked like an unending lake of blood a couple hours ago and my clothes are worse for wear from getting my ass kicked by a biblical lizard. How about we do a little shopping with that money, how's that sound?  _ This was the truth, Greed did smell like a dumpster behind a butcher shop and he was uncomfortably sticky. On top of everything else he was scruffy and pale from nutritional deficits. He looked like he had escaped from some kind of facility. 

_ Look, there's a second hand store over there. The money is under that bench on the way, move the bench and there will be a rock under it. It's stashed there. Let's get some threads then some grub.  _

Greed growled low in his throat in exasperation. Getting something to eat was proving to be more difficult than he wanted it to be and who was this guy to dictate the game plan? 

He surreptitiously angled his nose to his shoulder and smelled. Whew! Okay, his unseen annoyance had a point. 

Greed went to the bench and grabbed the cash, it was where it was supposed to be, and then to the store on the corner that had run down mannequins sporting gently used goods in the window. He took a dozen steps into the establishment and the clerk looked up at him with open aggression.

“You, boy, get out of my store,” he ordered. “What did I do?” Greed raged. Boy? He was used to respect and admiration! Maybe. He wasn't 100% sure. He knew this body was young but he was always kind of funny on human age ranges.  “You don't have money to pay for anything anyway looking like that, you probably sleep under a bridge, and you REAK. Now leave before I call the authorities,” the clerk shot back, hand placed on a phone on the counter. Greed was privately halfway amused at the fact that he was only a few hours old and already close to a run in with the cops. It felt very on brand. He was also starving and losing patience fast. He raised a hand to make it into a claw. Ling dived in anticipating Greed's problem solving tactic before he could deploy it.

_ Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on there, partner, not smart! Leave for now, I got an idea that doesn't involve the time consuming and yet oh so enjoyable run from the cops.  _

“Why should-” Greed started to mutter. Ling cut him off.

_ You can't put clean clothes on filthy. Go back to the fountain, I think I got soap on me. Clean me up and then we'll try this again.  _

 

Once again the kid was infuriatingly correct. If he wasn't gross and nearly emaciated he would have had the energy to argue. As it was Greed left with a smug shrug at the clerk like it was his idea to leave and went back across the street. A quick bath wasn't necessarily unwanted.

_ Do I still have that little bag? Check under my coat.  _

Greed did and saw the bag hanging off his hip. He took off the belt that was looped around his chest with the slash of a claw when the buckle proved to be so sticky with congealed blood that it was hard to open. He opened the bag which was also just filled with the stuff and dumped the ruined content on the ground. 

_ There it is. _ Ling indicated with a slight mental gesture. Greed picked up a pink tinged chunk. He smelled it experimentally and picked up a whiff of flowers underneath the blood smell that permeated it.  Greed dumped the bag and the rest of the knicknacks in a nearby trash can with an accurate toss. They were ruined enough that Ling didn't even complain. Greed shucked off his coat and threw it in the water under a spout. It was a heavy duty military duster and he had designs on keeping it. Greed looked around for onlookers and finding no one close he dunked the soap in the fountain water, rubbing it into a lather. He untied his ponytail with a quick yank and dunked his head in after wetting his hair and giving his scalp a quick scrub with the soap. Leaving the soap in his hair he washed himself with his shoes and pants still on for speed purposes as they were also gross. He was unfamiliar with the laws of the land but aversions to public indecency was always a mainstay. His shoes especially were caked in crust. Stepping into the freezing cold water to rinse himself off his feet bloomed brown to nearly black in the water. He took the rest of the soap and worked it into the jacket. He was quick, the entire process took only a few minutes. He jumped out of the fountain  and shook himself off like a dog. His wet hair slapped around his neck and hung there. 

 

He grabbed the jacket out of the pool that was significantly more rust colored with filth than before and jogged over to a bench to hang it up. It was good quality. Water resistant, and with the top layer of blood washed off the water ran off it in sheets. He shivered and slapped his sides to get blood flowing, it was cool enough that locals had been wearing coats. It took the edge of his hunger and woke him up a little. The human experience felt a lot more visceral than Greed had expected. Greed bent down and squeezed his pant legs free of the majority of the water, his head jerking back as a clump of wet hair hit him in the face. He grabbed at the hair in frustration and grew his claws. Ling, who had left Greed to his own devices when it was clear he knew what he was doing, realized what Greed was about to do now and blanched. 

 

_ HEY! HEY!! DON'T. YOU. DARE.  _ he screamed out.

“Shut up! It's in the way!” Greed yelled back.

_ I have been growing that since I was five!!  I said you could use my body not renovate it! No unauthorized body modification, god dammit! _

“You are Not in charge-” Greed readied a claw.

Ling shrieked in rage and his control exploded down Greeds arms, pinning them to the sides. 

_ THE HAIR STAYS.  _

Greed struggled in Ling's grip. He was impressed, the kid was a lot stronger than he thought! He absolutely did not appreciate that he was being usurped, though.

_ I WILL START SCREAMING AND NOT STOP IF YOU DO THIS.  _ Ling added on, threatening further irritation to Greed down the road.

Greed weighed his options.  

 

Ling barely held control by the skin of his teeth, Greed was very strong, but he wasn't going to allow him to chop his hair off. It was only a point of small cosmetic pride for him but he /liked/ his hair! Also he was worried that if he let Greed get away with this first alteration more would come later. He didn't want to know if tattoos would take on homunculi flesh. He also realized he just showed a trump card of his by lashing out and actually grabbing control back sucessfully. So much for cooperation. 

“Look,” Ling said audibly, his control of his body creeping up from his arms into his larynx, “hold on for two seconds..let me just-”

 

Ling flipped his hair forward and combed out the tangles with Greed's claws, lacking any other implements. He squeezed the water out of his follicles with a quick twist. He then grabbed a tie from a pocket in his pants, he always kept extras, and deftly tied his hair back, fighting Greed the entire time but holding his own with jerky movements and willpower. He brushed his bangs forward and held up his hands physically while mentally withdrawing from the controls. 

He took a stance of supplication quickly, realizing he may have screwed up by showing Greed that he could in fact take his body back for limited periods. It made him a possible threat to Greed, something that he had wanted to avoid. One of the best ways to get in a position to manipulate others was to have them think you're harmless, after all. The early life lessons he had learned in Xing were strongly pitched towards  manipulation of others rather than learning how to share or basic math like other children.

_ Okay? There, done! Out of the way. Can we keep my hair, please? Have a little mercy? I'll owe you one. In fact, I'll owe you several, boss.   _ He wheedled. Ling was not above acting like a fool to get what he wanted, it was kind of his whole deal.

Greed stopped and flared his nostrils from the exertion of the fight. He smiled smugly.

“Ha! Fair enough,” Greed said with an angry laugh. The kid was powerful, Greed had to defer to that. ‘Boss’, he liked the sound of that, too. In secret Greed could barely stand up, he needed something to eat and he wanted steak. He couldn't fight this little pest any more so he exercised a bit of benevolence instead.

Ling was startled by Greed's allowance but was not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. He was exhausted from fighting him. 

He changed the subject, feeling that that was the right course of action. 

_ Okay that's better right? Let's try the store again. When you go in there hold the money up and say you had an unfortunate accident with a dumpster this morning to explain how you smell. _

Greed was already putting on his duster which was thankfully only damp, he was absolutely keeping it, and walking to the store while Ling was talking. He even went in there and did what Ling suggested. The clerk warmed a little at the visibility of money and let him walk to the back with only a dirty look.

 

Greed squatted down and started to rummage. It wasn't like he was taking orders, these suggestions were just common sense. So what if someone else told him first. He'd have come to the same conclusions himself. He held up a leather vest with a grin. Ling rubbed his eyes in exasperation. No way was he going to let himself look that stupid. He remembered their earlier spat and tried to appeal to Greed’s feasibility instead of throwing a fit, realizing he was probably on thin ice. 

_ Nuh uh. Regrettably we should go for practical. You wanna keep the long coat, right? That looks nice! We're gonna look stupid in the vest and it's still cold. _

The vest was really too big anyway, he'd be swimming in it. Greed put it down and ignored the peanut gallery. All this ‘we’ stuff from the brat was becoming irritating. As far as Greed was concerned he was lucky he was even around to talk much less lay claim to any kind of joint ownership. His stomach complained and distracted him so he went back to picking through boxes.

There wasn't much of a selection that appealed to him. Whatever he picked had to be black. His sensibilities were ironclad on that front. He looked up and scanned the store, making eye contact with the clerk who gave him some lip via his expression. Bastard. 

_ Ha ha how about that number, over there, wanna look like a washed up magician?  _

Ling indicated a blue velvet tailcoat on a mannequin that looked moth eaten near where the clerk was sitting.

“Snrk.”

Greed covered whatever that noise was by tossing a pair of boots that were too small back in a box.

That was twice. Ling had gotten a laugh twice, maybe three if you counted the recent hair incident. Ling thought hard. Anyone that laughed at his jokes..  begrudgingly, but still… Ling's opinion of Greed changed slightly. Best to not make mention of it, though. 

Greed settled on simple pants and shoes that looked like they would fit, his new legs were pretty long.  He also found a vaguely Xingese looking long sleeve shirt with a high collar in his favorite lack of color, his arms were long too. He took them to the changing room in the back which was a glorified closet with a small window and a cracked mirror being its only accoutrement. 

He put on the clothes and got the first good look at his new face in the meanwhile. He turned his head from side to side, admiring the angles. Not bad at all, he could work with this. Little smiley for his tastes. He showed a toothier grin, there, that was better.

Ling looked through his eyes at his own face showing him unfamiliar expressions and his own eyes glittering demonically with red looked back at him. God, this was weird. It wasn't going to stop being weird any time soon, he'd be lying if he said he didn't have a few regrets and reservations. But he'd have to make do with the god awful cards he'd been dealt via his decision making.

Greed made to grab his cast off shoes and open the door to leave. Ling intervened again.

_ Leave the shoes, you’ll need your hands in a second. That window up behind you is big enough for us. _

“Huh?”

_ Fuck that clerk, go out the window, you'll fit, I promise you that.  _

Was the kid suggesting Greed commit a /crime/? What happened to goody two shoes?

_ You're gonna need to dislocate my shoulder to get through, go for the left it's the easier one.  _

“You okay with petty theft all of a sudden?” Greed muttered. 

_ What do I look like? A cop? He's gonna overcharge you sure as hell because he doesn't like you, great job on that by the way you charmer, and that money isn't going to last forever. Fuck him. I've left many an establishment with the dogs on my heels. Via self defenestration, too, my favorite way to travel.  _

Greed raised an eyebrow and set about putting his shoulder out of joint, not one to argue on morality when it was in the way of free stuff . He opened the window quietly and pulled his weight up with his not currently dislocated arm. An easy motion that attested to wiry strength hidden in his arms that were on the thin side. He shimmied himself forward and slid out of the window. This body was made for this type of escape, it was thin as a rail and the movements required felt much practiced and natural to his new muscle memory. Looks like he was telling the truth about his criminal background. Extremely good to know he wasn't dealing with a total prig.

He hopped down into a side street, distancing himself from the store and popping his shoulder back in with ease. 

_ Haha, nice.  _ Ling said, Greed might be a decent mark after all. It seemed like he was still for listening to him even after their little spat as long as Ling kept toeing a line. Ling had to just play his ideas close to the vest. Now to take one out of old Pavlov's book and reward good behavior.  _ Alright important business next. Now, to food, here’s where you gotta go…. _


	3. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting ready and daily routines. Au territory!

Greed had finished getting ready and was reviewing the notes for the meeting with the Amestrians. They were pretty barren. It was just general opening salvo stuff in any case, he could wing this if he was being honest. Well he would wing this whether he felt like he could or not. On paper the military were coming to sign some relatively important trade agreements as Ling was looking to open up the currently very closed off borders to influxes of different people. Xing’s closure and years of what amounted to civil war had made the country dangerously xenophobic and emaciated in new goods and concepts. A way around that was to kick open the borders and air it out. At the moment, there was only one city near the tip that accepted trade from foreigners at all. His father was insane (well actually insane now, not just short sighted as before) to rely on just their admittedly abundant natural resources. Greed had bugged Ling to hurry up and get some agreements in place when he saw how ludicrous the mark up on any western goods was due to rarity. He had complained that he was not going to fork out that much for middle of the road booze and fine leather goods! Ling had pointed out that he was richer than most people on earth and Greed had argued that getting cheated on mark up should be a crime and he wasn’t going to feed into the terrible economic cycle by encouraging what he said was ‘highway robbery’ another second by buying any of his treats at these prices.

  
The current fuhrer Gruman had recognized the overt advantages as Amestris was much poorer in the raw resources department due to their own wartime efforts and sent one of his favorites as the go between. A one Roy Mustang and his band of merry men and women. Really, on the side, the Amestrians had heard some uncomfortable rumors coming from Xing and were looking to investigate under the guise of politics. What better way than to have to tour the capitol to stick their noses into his business in person. This alternative motive was known and fine by Greed, it saved him having to go over there to posture at them himself. It also behooved him to work on home turf- he liked to show off. He had put his foot down in being in charge today to Ling who had given up arguing when he saw how his heart was set on it. Ling also suspected that Greed had alternative plans of his own.

  
He had went down to the kitchens directly after getting ready and made himself a quick breakfast of enough pancakes to choke even Alphonse. His staff was used to the Emperor appearing in the kitchens at all hours of the day to claim a space at a griddle and whip something up. Greed liked to work with his hands whenever possible and it calmed him down to be able to work change on small scale things such as breakfast rather than submit paperwork that also brought about change but at the cost of waiting around and feeling like he was doing nothing. It was an unspoken agreement between him and those who worked there that the staff not mention his presence to anyone important and he wouldn't mention sending them home in the night arms laden with high quality ingredients for their tables. Emperor Yao had never cooked before a month or so ago, only coming in occasionally to stick his fingers in what they already had made. Now he was so commonplace the staff had stopped reacting in scrambling terror when he showed up and demanded space on the cook line. He was a lot different than the Emperor they saw at a distance, treating them with blunt familiarity as he'd hold out out a hand and ask for a whisk or someone to run and grab him a dozen eggs.

  
The kitchen staff didn't know what to make of him despite the ‘friendly’ way he approached them. But, he remembered all their names and would ask after their family situations as he grumbled to himself under his breath and chopped haphazardly at the cutting board. Sometimes taking a drag or two at the cooking sherry.  
Another oddity the staff noted that brought about questions was the way his skill tended to fluctuate wildly. From making cheesecake from scratch the one day to complaining loudly to the air that ‘he didn't KNOW how to caramelize onions it's not like he had all that time on his hands!’ the next. These questions halted when jars of spiced fruit and other delicacies were pushed into their hands with a coy wink.

Greed couldn't believe that Ling couldn't cook, for someone that /lived/ food as he did he thought Ling would have made an effort to crack into the beguiling world of crockery. Greed didn't even need to eat when he was a homunculus but over the years he'd picked up a passing knowledge of a lot of skills, cooking being one. Jack of many trades master of none. Ling replied that he had tried to learn but his tutors at the time had smacked his hands and said drudgery wasn't for a prince such as himself. Greed had immediately tossed what they were doing on the ground and steered Ling's legs to the kitchen to wave in his face a skill Ling didn't have. During the gloating Greed had offered that if Ling wanted to watch and maybe pick some things up he wouldn’t be adverse to repeating himself a couple times.

  
Greed was a surprisingly good teacher despite being impatient and abrupt and Ling looked forward to their jaunts to the kitchens as good entertainment fodder. Greed was always at his most animated when he was talking about something he knew about. The added bonus of the reward of decently cooked western food was appreciated as well. Ling had acquired a taste of the delights that his home away from home had offered him and his cooks, while eager, weren't equipped to make things to taste. Greed meanwhile had a good time trying to improvise making blini in a wok and browbeating Ling until he was decent at making a small repertoire of dishes.

Sated on carbohydrates and sugar Greed popped his head into the hall where he was supposed to meet up with the military after they passed the interspersed checkpoints of the palace. These were supposed to be set up to protect the Emperor, not like he needed it, but in all actuality were to delay and annoy whomever had to go through them. It was the first way Greed and Ling showed those wishing an audience who both were boss. Greed entered the hall and saw that both Ed and Al were there already and lounging in chairs. They looked up when he had opened the door to the room. “Come to watch the fun of me signing papers and the rigors of the body politic, boys?” Greed asked with a note of resigned annoyance in his voice.

  
“Like I'm actually going to miss Mustang and you having it out, I know they’re all coming today,” Ed grinned. “I've really missed everyone!” Al said happily. He was also not going to miss what he was sure were going to be some interesting festivities. Heavy politics was never as boring as they should be with Greed in the mix.

  
The hall they had chosen was a nice one, big windows with tons of brocade and silk. An ancient table squatted in the middle of it, taking up much of the floor space with its wide legs and elaborate carvings. It was so big it had to have been assembled and carved within the room. Bookshelves and scroll caddies lined the walls nearly full to bursting with reference materials. Freshly cut flowers that were out of season and therefore expensive sat in fat vases strategically placed to maximize the smell profile.

  
“So, Ling up or do we have to deal with only you today because if that's the case I'm going to need coffee,” Ed asked, watching Greed set up some papers and writing implements at the chair he was going to use during the meeting. It was bigger and of much nicer quality than the other chairs by a marked amount. Ed was presently occupying it. “Good morning Edward, Alphonse,” Greed had opened his mouth to complain about Ling sleeping in and of course Ling took the opportunity to make himself heard immediately, snapping to attention on the mention of his name.

  
They both chorused a morning back to Ling. Ling stretched his arms over his head with a yawn and jingled his wrists feeling the weight of the jewelry there. “Really, Greed? You're gonna give me carpal tunnel,” he said while slipping a few rings and bracelets off and stashing them in his pockets. Greed carped within him telling Ling that he better at least keep the rubies. Ling noted his mark was unblemished by any covering while going to detach a few rings. Lacking a mirror he turned to Al. “How do I look?” he asked, not trusting Greed to have restraint on a day he got to intimidate new people.  
“Fine, fine, pretty imposing in fact!” Al said with a laugh and a wave of his hand over the book he was still reading. Greed’s fashion standard of black goes with everything was in full effect. They were patterned after his standard robes but with flair winking on them in the form of silver embroideries.

  
“Little reserved for my tastes,” interjected Ed from the chair he was already making towers with the official supplies that littered the table in his boredom and the meeting hadn’t even started yet. Ling trusted Ed’s opinion the most. Ed’s standard sensibilities mirrored Ling and Greed's at their most self indulgent, if he was underwhelmed it was fine to show to a room of acquaintances.

  
“More like damn fine, it's not the suit but how you wear it and that goes double for flesh,” Greed surfaced and said to Al while slicking a few flyaway strands of hair back from his face, “you, get the hell out of my chair,” he snapped at Ed. Ed got up and waved his arms in mockery with an ‘ooo’ but plopped himself down next to Al to Greed’s left. Greed was of course to be seated at the head of the table. Both young men were semi casual but dressed appropriately for the meeting. He would have kicked them both out if they had showed up rumpled. They both had been awarded official sounding but fake as hell titles that allowed them to roam the palace unharried which also allowed them to sit in on an official meeting like this. They were of his court on a technicality but of the court meant of the governing body which he was the head of. Nobody was allowed to mess with his governing and that included dressing like shit while representing him in official capacities. He had aesthetics to uphold.

  
Greed checked the time from a clock on the wall, they would be here soon. Lan Fan also materialized from the ether close to the clock. He gave her a nod as she took a place in a corner of the hall with a good vantage point for throwing weapons. Habits die hard even though the people that were coming today probably wouldn't try and kill anyone. It depended on how the meeting went in any case. She nodded back to Greed as her good morning. An arm of his waved frantically at her, that would be Ling saying ‘hi’. Greed grabbed at his hand and lowered it to his lap as he sat.

  
“So, I gotta ask before we begin, you ever send that postcard to horse boy telling him about me?” Greed inquired to Ed. The day Ed had shown up a little while back he had threatened Greed with revealing his persistent existence to Mustang.

“Plumb forgot to actually, what with the kidnapping that night and all” Ed replied, smiling at Greed's train of thought. Ling was chuckling darkly for Greed's ears only getting a feeling of what Greed had planned with a comment that he felt about a half dozen people coming down the hallway. Al put down his book, checking the time himself and picking up a pen to take notes. Greed caught only the author on the spine, some guy named Stevenson, before he slid it under a sheaf of papers. A knock resounded on the double doors that opened into the adjoining hallway. Here they were.


	4. Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More deleted scenes and embellishments on the story we all know and love! Some idiot gets a bite to eat and takes a bite out of the competition.

 

After eating enough that he had drawn a small crowd Greed felt much restored. That was the best lunch he could have asked for, expensive, ostentatious, and even better, free.  He had dined and dashed at the restaurant, choosing not to pay for food as well as clothing, showing the brat the level of not paying for things that could be achieved with his additions to his new body and its specific skill set. He had ran out of the building after dessert and banked into an alleyway, slashing his neck quickly and throwing himself down. His pursuers had found him there looking very murdered and went to go get the authorities after screaming. Ling had laughed himself sick in surprise. What a dodge! He’d have to remember ‘fake own death to get out of something’ for later, it was strong.

Clean clothes also improved Greeds mood greatly. He felt like a new homunculus. The kid had laughed uproariously at Greed's off the cuff plan for keeping his bankroll consistent at the high class place. He could still hear some quiet chuckling as he walked back to the building he had last seen those two other kids. Delivering a message didn't seem like a bad way to pass the time now that his needs had been attended to. How was he supposed to find shorty again anyway?

 

_ Okay we're close, the brothers being a walking taboo sure helps me out, easy to pick up on.  _ Another thing that was easy to pick up on for Ling was Greed's confusion.

 

Greed was mildly confused, what the hell was the brat prattling about?

_ Ah yeah you don't know do you? Here's a cool thing I got going- Xing mysticism. I can sense energy signatures, auras really. Neat huh? Al is a soul bound to armor currently and Ed’s half metal. They don't feel right if you feel regular people. They tried some bad alchemy to get a loved one back and that was the result. I feel for Al, I really do. Not being able to eat… _

 

Greed had noticed the metal parts when he had fought tiny, those punches had packed a wallop. Big boy also seemed.. familiar. 

_ Yeah they put up a bonfire of weird vibe for me to pick up on, keep going straight. You're warm.  _

‘This vessel has a lot of optional equipment.’ Greed thought to himself. 

 

‘Best not tell him he's putting out what is basically the grandfather of bad vibes for my trusty bodyguards to track.’ Ling thought to himself.  Greed was just outside the government center in a public courtyard with trees and cobble walkways. Funny that father had set up shop right under what was the de facto palace of a military state. Greed liked the convenience of it.

 

_ Keep going, you’re red hot. There he is, making a phone call. Maybe he’s calling that girl who's his friend but not his girlfriend. How sweet.  _ Sure enough there he was, Greed could see his hair from here and an entire suit of armor lurking near the booth helped.

Greed smirked wickedly, well he'd wait until he was done, he had nothing better to do. He shunted to the side to come up behind the booth. 

 

When Ed was done with his call Greed spooked them both by appearing from nowhere and giving unwanted Ed life advice. He had eavesdropped for a few key moments and gotten the particulars of Ed’s conversation. Father would love to know his pawns had loved ones. He would use that against those two, Greed felt, so he let them know. Gracious of him!  Ed proceeded to piss Greed off by calling him Ling again. How many times was he going to need to introduce himself? Ed ignored the reintroduction to his distaste and asked why was he here.

 

“Your pal asked me for something” He gestured to his chest and said in reply. 

Ling meanwhile was ecstatic. Greed had inadvertently implied Ling was still around with that line and the delivery of the message as well as Greed's admittance that he couldn't read it nailed it home. He hoped Edward picked up on that. It was nice to know someone else knew he was still around, everyone was going around like he died or something. Being trapped like this was going to suck. At least he could hear what was going on now.

 

Greed informed Ed to take it to the girl waiting for him like Ling had asked him to do. So far so good! Ed then shocked Ling into what he felt was nearly a heart attack by asking Greed straight out if Greed was going to follow them back to hurt Lan Fan.

 

Ling slapped a palm to his forehead. How had he not thought of that?! He felt escalating panic. How could he have been that stupid? Maybe Greed had been playing him the whole time? Was he really that short sighted to not see Greed could use him as much as he was using Greed? Had he been outplayed? If he hurt Lan Fan…!

Greed broke Ling's panic spiral and asserted to Ed that he didn't lie, wasn't petty, and didn't make a hobby of hurting women. Ling deflated and dropped to his knees in relief. Thank god, a monster with an outdated personal code. Ling breathed a sigh of relief and updated his mental file he had going on Greed with the possibility that Greed was pretty damn stupid, all things considered. This was excellent news. It was also fittingly stupid of Greed to make inferences based on sex. Lan Fan could beat Lings ass into a pulp. Hopefully she would, Ling prayed as Greed left the two brothers, message delivered. Hopefully she would and drag his ass, homunculus in tow, back to Xing. 

 

“It's Greed”, Greed called back, renaming himself to the brothers while leaving to parts unknown. Ling stilled himself, still up in arms over thinking that he had actually been out manipulated and a little unsure of how to proceed given he was now firmly in unplanned territory. He floundered and knew that he should take the time to bow his head.

_ Thank you for delivering the message, Greed.  _

“Whatever, now shut up like you said you would.”

_ Okay, fair, need anything else and I'll be here. Not going anywhere of course. _ He said airily. 

 

Ling let that very mild threat wrapped in the guise of helpfulness hang between them. Depending on how Greed interpreted that statement it could mean a lot of things.

 

\-------------------------

Errand done for the day Greed had went back to his home turf of the government center but didn't want to go sewer side yet. He compromised by climbing to the top of the building for a better view of the city and the important task of sunning himself. Guard duty could wait. The brat was even keeping his side of the agreement and being blessedly silent. Until now.

_ Hey pal, don't wanna interrupt so soon but you got nasty company on your six coming in hot. Feels like something? I think? Bit weak… familiar though. Damn, it’s Bradley. Your brother.  _

A voice rung out behind him. 

“So, Greed, how are you feeling?”

Greed opened an eye and checked his peripheral. He didn't turn around or startle, getting that heads up put him in charge of this new conversation by his lack of surprise. Something that his brother hadn't planned on by his slight pause as Greed replied to who he suspected was Wrath. 

 

Greed extolled the virtues of his new body in response to Wrath’s question, he was still feeling quite good after all. Being a prince was a pretty good upgrade, not to mention the other perks and getting it in exchange for just a bit of power? Everything was coming up Greed. He was even vocal about his fascination with the little twerp to Wrath, after the events of the day why wouldn’t he be? Humans were such a lark.

 

Ling meanwhile got increasingly confused as learning more about Greed was making it harder for him to predict. So he was /interesting/ to Greed? What the hell did that mean for him? Ling scratched the top of his head distractedly while watching Wrath’s expression harden as he replied to Greed's words. Oh ...very scary. Ling was thankful for the first time he was in here and not out there. Immortal, too. Last he saw King he'd been trying to kill him very adamantly.  King still felt like a regular person but now that Ling had the time to really study him he realized something was… off. He guessed it was how Bradley was a homunculus but still a human.

Unlike Greed and Gluttony, Bradley didn't feel the same way as his brothers to Ling's senses. 

Bradley remembered Ling well indeed, repeating what he had said to him when they had last chatted before he tried his best to kill him and Lan Fan verbatim to Greed.

 

It was a good speech, a king was nothing without his subjects! Ling was a greedy man and living for the people by the people was his version of wanting it all. When you had power and wealth what was the use of hoarding it? Giving it out and using it to benefit others worked out for you when you were the face of your own country. Cutting off your nose to spite your face was short sighted. Ling crossed his arms and nodded to himself in agreement at his own assessment of his personal raison d'etre. 

 

Bradley meanwhile had kept talking, sharing what he thought of Ling's vows to his people. Ling’s mouth fell open as he heard what he said.

Hey?! Who had lost his desire? What!? Lost everything? Where the hell did Bradley get off implying that? He had certainly bet everything he had on this, that was true, but he was still in the game! In fact he was in the most precarious position he had ever been in! How dare he imply-

 

Greed felt the kid’s anger boil over at Wrath’s opinions on his desire. As if a host of his wouldn't be the most acquisitive son of a bitch to try to go toe to toe with Greed. He’d have to be to survive Greed's acquisition in the first place. Greed had also felt the chump’s partially hidden bursts of parsimoniousness all day. As if you could hide greed from Greed. The emotion reading was a two way street. The kid was not one to be underestimated. Even now he was ranting at Wrath, promise to Greed forgotten for a moment in a rush of explosive language. What a spitfire, he sure had a nasty streak. Greed got an idea. 

 

_ What a joke, lose desire are you kidding I'm in the middle of a battle for everything I've worked for with nothing but my wits here and these homunculi think that I'm just sitting around finger in my nose letting an asshole parade me around for what? My health? It's speciesism is what it is! These guys needed to  _ “Shut up and don't go looking down on humans!”  _ Shit, wait, what? _

 

Greed sidestepped Ling and put him in control, letting a clip of his tirade ring to Wrath. It caught him entirely off guard so stepping back in was easy. The exchange was smooth as butter unlike them fighting for control before and it was so very very worth it to see Wrath’s expression. The cool anger of Wrath was replaced by what Ling could only described as full on flabbergasted. Ling cackled with surprise at how shocked he looked. Greed enjoyed landing a hit on Wrath in terms of what Wrath thought he was capable of. Wrath reminded him of Father in that he seemed to be the type that thrived on planning and the concepts that people would always fall in line to certain parameters. Well! Greed wasn’t normal people! He also wasn’t one to go with the grain! In fact, pissing Wrath off felt very right. Greed felt no familial affection for his kin, especially Wrath, he found. He very much did not like Wrath. 

 

“Well there you have it!” he smiled and excused his ‘outburst’ by explaining that his host was just waiting for an opportunity to grab control. Not a lie, not exactly. His host meanwhile was in the middle of calling Wrath a son of a bitch, and laughing meanly at his gobsmacked expression, agreeably. 

Wrath changed his tune and pontificated on the avarice of humans given that his host was willing to take in a ‘monster’ like Greed as he left the roof.  _ Damn straight!  _ said Ling with conviction. 

Greed let a few teeth shine in the sun with his back to Wrath as Wrath stalked off. Ling meanwhile rubbed his forehead as he realized that telling the enemy he was still around maybe wasn’t the best choice Greed could have made. 

\---------

Their first days passed quietly. Ling hung back, trying his best to get a feel for what Greed was capable of. In many ways Greed acted like an inquisitive child or a petulant teen. In others Ling felt a glimmer of someone more sure of himself. Greed would spend the day or night or afternoon patrolling like father told him to and Ling would spend his time slamming his head against a non existent wall. Ling understood the importance of Greed coming to him. In Ling’s never ending quest to get footing it was a key move. He’d just have to move a little first to facilitate it. He used one of the oldest ice breakers in the book. 

 

_ Huh, you call me? _

 

Greed spooked just a little bit, he’d almost forgotten about the brat.

“Why would I say anything to you?” he said, voice echoing around the sewer pipes. 

Of course Greed would reply, Ling had felt his rising boredom as fiercely as his own. 

_ Oh no I just thought you said something. _

“Well I didn’t”

_ You sure? _

“YES I’M SURE.” Greed grew his claws and dragged them along the wall he was walking parallel to in anger. They left long white lines in the stone.

 

_ Because I could have sworn... well in any case I have a question.  _

Ling actually did have a question.

Greed sat down, tired of walking around all of a sudden, and continued to drag his claws in patterns on the stone.

“Shut up.”

_ Aw come on I’m bored, lemme ask. So, like, you were just born a few days ago, right? _

Ling had picked up on that fact and realized that was why Greed had expressed so much interest in the city. It explained a lot of his behavior, too. Greed had knowledge but not experience and that's why he had actually listened to Ling. Ling appreciated how fortuitous it was he was dealing with not only a moron but a possible amnesiac. Evidence that he had collected pointed to the former.

_ Why do you have dreams? _

Ling had tried to out stay up Greed to see if he could grab for his body while Greed was sleeping. It was no such luck as Greed slept incredibly light and berated Ling every time he tried, shoving him far down with little effort. Ling had to wait until Greed got bored holding him down for the time to try again. Ling had played it off like he’d been goofing around but was pissed that his good idea hadn’t worked out. Still, one of the nights he was waiting around for Greed to possibly slip deeper into slumber he got some… weird… unconnected imagery from him. Ling saw flashes of people in an unfamiliar building, people that didn’t look entirely human. It looked almost like a bar what with the neon logo and all. 

_ Who are those people? _

“What people you little pissant?” 

_ The people from your dream. _

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Gotta be your dream,” he scratched his claws against the stone, sharpening them like it was a nail file and not cobble. 

_ I wasn’t asleep. I also don’t know these people and I’ve never been in an Amestrian dive bar so try again. You were reborn, you said that. There was another you?  _

 

Greed stopped his absent minded sketching. Crude drawings of the same logo from Greed’s dream were on the floor. Ling felt that Greed was… puzzled but also standoffish so he made to drop it but was interrupted by Greed first.

“How come you’ve never been to a bar?” he asked, not really thinking about the fact that he had initially wanted Ling to shut up in his distraction over the odd feeling that he had.

_ Well I’m fifteen, to start. Oh! /We’re/ fifteen, actually. _ Ling snorted, putting a lot of emphasis on the duality aspect.  _ Don’t go getting up to any mischief, now. _

“EXCUSE ME?” Greed was actually surprised enough to emote honestly.

_ You didn’t know? _

“You humans and your aging.”

_ You’re like four days old, I wouldn’t be talking.  _

“Nobody tells me what to do.”

_ You let that father guy tell you what to do.  _

The continued their bickering as Greed picked up his patrol again, his step a little more lively than before.


	5. New in Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Lads (tm) ft. Hawkeye make an appearance.   
> Short one this week but the set up had to happen!

“Remember, let me do the talking. We’re in no mans land over here,” Roy said to his subordinates while still facing forward as they walked down the incredibly well decorated and slavishly clean hallways. Behind them they were accompanied by a few more representatives from Amestris that were going to meet with less important members of the court, Roy couldn’t be everywhere at once after all. Havoc ran a finger along a gilded crenulation the probably took an insane amount of money and time to maintain at its current glory and whistled. Hawkeye went to slap at his hand like she was reprimanding a child. He stepped out of her reach and stumbled a little bit, but recovered on his own, not entirely at home with his legs. He still walked with a slightly stiff gait from his time of rehabilitation after gaining the use of them back post promised day. 

He had agreed to come to Xing to get at some of what he called ‘that good healing stuff’ and to ‘see if it can’t grease my wheels’ in reference to his muscle stiffness. Hawkeye of course wouldn’t leave Mustang to his own devices in a foreign and probably dangerous country knowing that even with her there he was going to get into trouble. Breda commented that he was into sightseeing and the terroir of the local cuisine but Roy knew that a trusted spy of his wouldn’t turn down making some new contacts. He looked to continue the groundwork Maria Ross had left him from her brief stay in the country. Falman was nervous but he was always nervous, so no news there. Notably, Emperor Yao had oddly asked after him specifically in his letters so Roy guessed that he should bring him along. It wouldn’t hurt to have someone with a memory like his in any case. Fuery was simply always open to see new things and certainly wasn’t going to stay in Amestris alone! He followed after them like a puppy. In terms of puppies Hawkeye had left Black Hayate home with Rebecca, not knowing how long they were going to need to stay in this foreign land and not much of what it might hold.   
They all acknowledged Mustang in that they needed to be seen as a united front. Most of them knew Ling the child as he was during the time but they did not know Emperor Yao and until they were able to feel out the situation it was best to appear like they had their shit together. 

The military filed in with precision and poise as was their talent. Edward and Alphonse noted that they left the small fish at the door, the only ones allowed inside were Roy’s core group. Fun. Ed kicked Al under the table and slyly pointed at Mustang’s face region behind his hand. Al saw the half dead caterpillar on his lip he was sporting and nearly lost it, keeping hold on his emotional response by a few fingertips of will alone. Roy’s eyes fell on the two young men and squinted in suspicion. Ed did a little wave as a ‘hello’ but no words were exchanged, it was an official meeting after all. Emperor Yao stood at the head of the table next to his chair, waiting for the proper introduction as was custom. Roy and his squad bowed at the waist. Emperor Yao nodded his head in greeting and sat in his chair. As was the custom the others also took their seats after him.   
“Greetings and salutations to you all and We’d thank you for travelling all this way to tour Our beautiful capitol and get this nest of paperwork out of the way,” he said with a small laugh. Roy thought he heard Ed whisper ‘we?, I swear they’re so-’ but it was too quiet to tell for sure. What were the Elrics doing sitting in on this politics discussion? Roy knew that they were both friends with the Emperor but Ling Yao seemed relatively mature to Roy’s impression of him now and not the type to just invite his buddies to sit in on what was sure to be a dry affair if things went well. Roy had travelled to the country with the knowledge that Alphonse was here and was unsurprised Ed had also appeared, they were never apart for long and Ed loved to show up where he was unwanted.   
Emperor Yao continued on with his opening statements, “Yes so, introductions, these are of course the Elrics, we've all met for the most part and this is Lan Fan, my personal bodyguard and reason I'm up and talking,” he smiled in her direction and she bowed at the waist with a small smile at the group. “I met half of you when I was trying not to catch sepsis after my operation, so forgive my rudeness in forgetting some finer details of our first meeting” she touched her automail arm with a brush of her fingers. “Thank you for putting me in touch with an excellent surgeon,” she addressed to Roy and bowed low again. Roy inclined his head and replied with genuine feeling, “the old coot will love to know you are doing well.”

Pleasantries out of the way Yao wasted no time in setting out the bylines of papers to be talked over and the minutes quickly ticked over into hours in tandem. Twice, servants came in to offer drinks and food. They only started to eat after the emperor had taken some food and politely nibbled on it. Roy’s group meanwhile was performing well, Breda looked like he might be asleep but he was listening intently. Falman and Hawkeye were quiet but taking notes occasionally, Hawkeye resting an eye periodically on Lan Fan who sat in a corner of the room. She was never one to lose sight of a potential threat. For the emperor to employ a single guard even in a room of friends attested to how skilled she must be. Furey was weirdly intent on the dusty prose of documents on the table and mirrored Alphonse’s expression of quiet enthusiasm.

Havoc’s eyes were unfocused and drifting around the room, Roy resisted the real impulse of throwing a small object at his forehead when the emperor turned his back. Luckily Hawkeye, always right behind him, took the initiative and elbowed him in the side. Havoc snorted in surprise and looked around like he just realized where he was and then proceeded to look ‘busy’. He went to take notes that if Roy were to read them would most likely be gibberish. Jean was not diplomatically minded in the slightest so Roy didn’t expect much. He thought at least the raw numbers of trade agreements might interest him. Havoc knew his way around accounting from the family business. Roy rotated his gaze around the table and lit it on each member of his trusted team. Finally he settled on Edward who was leering at him from behind a small map that he held up like a menu at a restaurant and pretending to look at. Roy’s eyes thinned but Ed didnt goad him any further than that. Roy broke the stare they had going first, needing to keep his attention on what was actually important and not a measuring contest with a manchild. 

Yao was firm but fair in his various concessions and askances of Amestris and it was clear to Roy that he had what was best for Xing at the forefront of his goals. After a few hours of marked progress they had done what would have been days work with the Amestrian military state fighting amongst themselves. Finishing the last line of another draft letter Yao got up and stretched his neck, Roy heard some crude snaps, and continuing speaking as he walked around the table. Roy made to get up and followed him with his eyes. Yao broke off in the middle of his sentence and held up a hand with the gesture of a small sweeping motion. 

“Please, stay seated, We just need to walk around, being Emperor means you sit all day and that takes a toll on Our blood circulation,” he said with another demure smile. Roy caught a flicker of movement from Edward that might have been an eyeroll.

“It’s nearly time for a break, let us wake up a little with some small talk, Roy Mustang. It has been such a long time since We saw you! We do apologise for getting right into the ‘nitty gritty’ right away but We lack the time for pleasantries sometimes. This has been a very fruitful meeting already, we are incredibly ahead of schedule! By the by, thank you for lending Us the clothes and helping Us out with immortality back when We were on the run, We never forgot the kindness! We did party crash your country wide upheaval after all. Tell us of Amestris and how it is faring outside of these trade agreements, We’re curious.” Yao was slightly rude by dropping Roy’s rank when addressing him but he was not about to correct the Emperor in his own house, plus the fact that the Emperor of Xing was thanking Roy for the lending of some of his old hand me downs over a year ago was pretty cowing. It could have been an honest mistake, Roy reasoned to himself, they had been at this long enough that the beams of light from the windows had turned golden and long with early evening. 

“Rebuilding is going well, we’re all determined to keep what works with our current government for now, the people aren’t ready for a total shake up just yet,” this answer was the truth, besides a lot of the generals mysteriously dying in the skirmish along with Bradley the set of of the governmental chain was still mostly in place. Roy was rousting out the last snakes in the grass as they worked on what would be a more democratic solution to what was basically martial law for the last century or more. That plan would be rolled out more slowly as people got used to what would be the first peaceful era in Amestrian history. Emperor Yao had made his way fully over to Mustang during his short explanation. 

“Oh that’s grand, my home turf is doing so well without me!” He cracked a laugh and rested his back and hands on the edge of the table as he spoke down to Roy, craning his head to look him in the face. He got really close, almost uncomfortably so. It seemed like the emperor’s whole demeanor was relaxed but it was in the lazy way a crocodile is relaxed on the riverbed. “Glad your coup went well hot air, just remember, keep your overthrowal in your own country for the good of you getting to see that top spot at the big boy chair yourself. Wouldn’t want your fire to be prematurely snuffed, now would we?”, he muttered quickly to Roy alone at barely a whisper, taking advantage at how close he’d gotten. 

“How about we take a short recess before continuing on!” the Emperor announced to the room. Roy struggled to parse the utter 180 in manner and was close to stuttering out a reply when Yao and the Elrics swept from the room as a unit. Roy could have sworn up and down that he heard snickering but it could have just been the gentle surusses of the Emperor's robes and the large amount of metal embroidery thereon on the tiled floor as he left the room quickly. Roy looked to where Lan Fan had been and saw that she too had left, although not from the door like the others.   
His team had seen the Emperor get in close before leaving and looked at him quizzically, waiting for an explanation. Of course it was going to get weird. Why wouldn’t it?


	6. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotional Problems ahoy!   
> This one runs parallel to canon again!

 

“I’m all alone...”  Greed had said those words with actual raw emotion, Ling would be touched except Greed was incorrect and being an idiot. Again. He wasn’t alone. He was as stupid as Ling suspected, Ed and his group had been right there, ready to team up, and Greed had left the group like a moron to brood. Greed commented to the trees that ever since getting his memories back he had felt... empty. Ling kicked frustratingly at how shafted he felt, he was /RIGHT HERE/. RUDE!

_ I’m not your pocket psychiatrist, Greed, you can’t just talk around me and somehow still expect words of wisdom to come spilling out from thin air! _  Ling barked at Greed, looking to egg him on for a more standard Greed response, SOMETHING. God, it was so boring in here! He was furious over another soliloquy of Greed’s that ignored his involvement in their whole situation. Again. Greed apparently enjoyed talking like Ling wasn’t there to nobody apparently about his problems. In the woods, in the dark. ‘Alone’. Out loud. Like a sad sack. It was like Greed was going through puberty for him with how teenage he was acting. 

 

Ling was disgusted, he was not a bastion of maturity by any metric but it was one thing to goof off and quite another to be left holding the emotional baggage of your kidnapper. Greed slumped on- ignoring Ling utterly. Ling absolutely hated to be ignored, he thrived on attention like others needed air. This would not do. How the hell would Greed think he’s alone, souls notwithstanding Ling was right here! At all times! He physically could not leave! He was also willing to be that therapist despite verbally refusing. It's not like he had anything better to do than to lend a figurative ear to a souls demon with emotional constipation.

 

_ Greeed, I smell Father issues at the bottom of all this! We have that in common! I also hate my Dad and hope he dies! Wanna talk about that? I’ll find you a couch you can rest my pretty little head on, and you can tell me all about it!” _ Ling called up and out to Greed.

He felt a twinge of emotional response from that one, looks like Dad was still a sore subject despite everything that just happened. Better than being ignored.

He backed off just a little.  _ You wanna get something to eat? _ ” he questioned. That one was usually enough to get Greed to start moving. Ol’ reliable. Ling felt his own body lurch and start walking faster towards the general direction of deeper into the woods in silence.  _ “Okay, okay, ignore me more, fine, you can’t run from your problems forever, Greed. I’m a great big ol’ problem of yours and I’m certainly not going anywhere soon!”  _ Ling ‘sat’ within the normal screaming hellscape that was his quarters these days, the souls swirled around him and wailed but he was a master at tuning them out now. He cupped his chin with both his palms. This was going to take a while, he resolved. The friendship thing.

 

Ling realized that he had to play a heavy card of his. He had gotten the idea a while ago but he wasn’t sure where would be the right place to offer something this big to Greed. It had come when he decided that he wanted not to subjugate Greed and double kidnap him back to his home country but rather befriend him and go home on equal terms, and Ling wasn’t exactly sure when that decision had been made. He was going to do something unthinkable and offer Greed a spot at home with him, as emperor. After what they had been through he thought Greed would at least consider it. Unsurprisingly, given how stupid Ling knew Greed could be, he had went for his cake to eat it too with the line that he wanted the world instead of a spot to rule with Ling. Ling was almost insulted, it wasn’t like him to give anything up without expecting something in return and he’d been pretty sure it would stop Greed in his tracks for a bit. He’d been willing to go halvsies!

 

Greed was getting farther from the cabin and Ling was at a loss on what to do now. Greed was stubborn and if he was going to actually leave there wasn’t anything Ling thought he could say to stop him after using his big emperor play. Ling heard someone move in the brush, he sent a probe out, ready for the feedback to tell him it was a bear or maybe a wolf- wait, he knew that chi. Edward?

 

\------------------------------

 

Ed had done what Ling thought was factually impossible and rolled over for Ling’s resident idiot charge, going above and beyond what Ling thought he’d do by naming him de facto boss of the group as well. Ling had been white knuckling it through their entire conversation as Greed practically shouted that he wanted to hang out with other people in his own special way, by being contrarian. Despite turning them down initially Ling was sure Greed wasn’t emotionally strong enough to do it again. Ling was excellent at decoding this backtalk of Greed’s at this point in their relationship, he really was just a lost child when you got down to it, despite the age.  Ling was practically crying in relief at Greed taking Ed up on the offer of teaming up as long as he was in charge. It was absolute bullshit, of course, but Greed loved keeping up appearances. Ed had changed Greed’s mind with the simple line that he’d do anything to get what he wanted which Ling knew from Greed’s memory was a lot different than the time they had met at first. Ed had grown, and what that meant was he knew when he needed to act the fool. Ling could have given him some pointers. 

As Ling’s train of thought turned on he reflected on their new company. Dear god there were adults here, adults with adult supervision. Even better Ed and him had actually been able to talk for few minutes! It was the first time Ling had communicated with anyone besides Greed in forever! He even had the time to quickly check up on Lan Fan and gleefully obtain the information that her recovery was going well and the message had been delivered. Ling didn’t have much time to explain his situation to the two chimera accompanying Ed but being blunt was better than nothing at all. He would let Edward explain what ‘I’m a homunculus’ meant later.

Now there were three whole people that knew he was around despite his apparent identity crisis. It was really a windfall of a day!

Ling was spent. Babysitting Greed all hours so he didn’t get into trouble- driving him around, was mentally exhausting. He could have actually fallen asleep (or whatever his mental equivalent was) if he wasn’t still on tenterhooks from fighting for his life with Greed a few hours before. 

After laying down the law with Greed in those sewers after Greed unfortunately murdered an old comrade of his that he had forgotten due to the influence of father Greed had gone insane with rage. Ling knew that throwing Greed’s name and compunctions under the horse cart was a dodgy strategy but Ling had been sick of Greed's shit by this point. Murder, even accidental murder due to amnesia was still pretty dirty. He’d seen some crazy shit in Xing but this was up there. Greed had had friends. Greed had failed these people. Ling was not going to let Greed push these memories under the rug. The dreams he’d been seeing /were/ memories! He’d called Greed out. ‘How could a self proclaimed selfish bastard who’d stop at nothing flounder like this?’, he had said. Poor Bido..

Ling, contrary to his sunny disposition didn't actually have a lot of people he would call friends. People trying to be your friend in Xing ended up wanting something from you, most often your life. He would call the Elrics one of his first set of actual friends that didn’t start out beholden to him in some way and he didn’t even know if they both were alive currently. 

Ling had seen a condensed punch of memories when Greed had finally owned up to what his heart had been telling him. Ling was also caught in the crossfire of it, being as he was in Greed’s head as much as Greed was in his. He was in spitting distance of Greed’s heart, naturally. Ling knew now of his subordinates that he had regarded as something more than subordinates, recognizing names and faces he'd never met. 

Greed was in such acute pain that Ling had fed him the location of Bradley’s home unbidden, knowing that Greed wouldn’t rest until he had gotten his revenge, that was the only thing Ling could actually decode in the mental static of Greed’s mind. Greed was going to tear apart the city looking for him until Bradley showed himself to deal with the threat. Ling knew it plain as day. It would be expedient to just give in, save him the headache. This was something Ling understood even though it was supremely /STUPID AND SHORT SIGHTED/. A task that you had to do even if it might kill you in the end. That’s how he had gotten into this mess in the first place. It wasn’t smartest decision he could have made but given his very limited influence and feeling what Ling felt from Greed he couldn’t hold himself back. That’s not what a friend would do after all.

  
_GREED YOU IDIOT YOU’RE GOING TO GET US KILLED._ He shouted at him but gave him Bradley's location even while chastising.

Greed took the data wordlessly and threw himself into it, grabbing at the information like a drowning man grabs at a something buoyant in a vast ocean, anything to stop the torrent of images pounding away at his skull. 

They were close enough that the dangerous trip through the sewers was a blur. Ling was as close to the surface of his consciousness as he had ever been with Greed. Greed’s fragile mental state let Ling come to the fore unlike any other time. He was emotionally close to a beast, base thoughts and feelings pounding out of him as he found his brother’s home and made to attack Bradley, the memories of Greed’s death playing for Ling to plainly see in the background throughout their short trip. Ling used his talents to indicate where a small knot of people were located within the large structure, feeling the uncomfortable presence of a strange homunculus even as he sought out what Bradley felt like. He knew it was far too late to tell Greed to stop so he braced himself as Greed climbed the wall, took the guards along the hallway out with a modicum of finesse, and burst into the home's living room. Immediately going in on his brother. There was no plan, no advanced maneuvering, as Greed tried everything to hurt his kin who had literally stabbed him in the back. Ling made himself small, not wanting to distract Greed in the fight that could easily spell both their deaths.

Fratricide was something that he had adapted to much in his life and Ling knew Bradley needed to die if Greed could manage it. As much for his crimes as well as being a constant threat to both their existences. Bradley did not like Ling and clearly hated Greed by how he dismantled him in the sewers in the memories he was now able to access. What Greed had done to piss Bradley off so thoroughly was beyond Ling. Ling saw that Bradley knew full well how to subdue a homunculus from Greed’s memories and Ling knew functional immortality wasn’t actual immortality. This was not Ling’s first time fighting a homunculus either. Speaking of homunculi it felt to Ling that more than the one in front of him was very close. There was no time or extra thinking power to donate to that revelation as he was busy as he could get. They weren't attacking so he'd leave it be for now. 

The memories, now that they had been unlocked, played wildly as Greed fired off the first few opening hits against his brother and foe. Ling heard him accuse Bradley outright of being responsible as Bradley pushed him back. Ling recognized the fighting pattern of Bradley's as he put Greed on immediate defense. Greed was already at a disadvantage as he squandered the edge that the element of surprise had given him.

Wait, Ling had fought Bradley as well, maybe he could… He groped for mental connection that allowed Greed to feed him information from when Greed used his body. It was the same connection that the memories were screaming down. Greed couldn’t employ his standard way of fighting here, it was going to spell their joint death. Bradley was too fast, too smart, for Greed to throw himself around and rely on his powers to take the hit. This wasn’t a tavern brawl. Wrath was a machine who knew exactly what his body was capable of despite the age. Greed needed to know what Ling was in turn capable of and utilize the tools he had at his disposal, namely Ling’s youth, training, and vigor. Ling knew better than to bid for control as  even a millisecond of hesitation was too long but maybe he could give Greed some insight in how to use his body correctly. 

Ling concentrated on how he would move and gave it to Greed, feeding him memories of what it was like to fight Bradley. Greed instinctually absorbed the knowledge even as he navigated around the living room, going at Bradley with everything he had. Greed took the data and turned it into some fancier footwork, dodging Bradley’s sword and jumping high in the air, going in close quarters for some quick tactics. It wasn’t enough to turn the battle around but when Bradley cornered Greed against a wall it was Ling’s patented kicks that saved him from being run in. Greed was always upper body focused and it had been his downfall more than once.  

Even with the new footwork Bradley didn’t waste any time in pinning Greed to the ground like a butterfly on a backboard. Ling in terror shoved Greed the visceral feeling it was to have Bradley come straight for him, he needed to shield!

It was enough, barely, in the nick of time. Mere inches of carbon kept Ling from getting a haircut that just so happened to take his neck with it. Ling fed Greed even more terror, not trusting words to work as well as they should with Greed how he was. They needed to bank a retreat, getting killed for real was quickly turning into an inevitably rather than an outside chance. He still screamed warnings along with the feelings.  _ GREED. TIME TO GO! WE'RE NOT GONNA WIN THIS. GET OUT? LEAVE. GO! GO! WINDOW, WINDOW, WINDOW.  _

Greed thankfully took his instruction immediately and threw himself from the window, scattering as fast as he could into the night. Ling trusted that the ever pragmatic Bradley probably wouldn’t follow him, but kept urging Greed on just in case. There was that other homunculus to think about as well. The more distance they ran the more safe he would feel. Greed unprompted kept to the darkness of side streets as he ran for his life.

After running flat out for some time Greed slowed a little to catch his breath, he had sprinted down streets at random focusing on just getting aways as fast as possible. Even Ling had almost lost his bearings entirely. Greed was pretty damn good at running off but now he was overworked and ready for collapse, Ling’s stamina wasn’t inexhaustible. Ling waffled on what to do, Greed was at the end of his rope. His mental state was untenable to Ling but Ling decided to try something drastic, he gathered himself and went for control, something he hadn't tried in a while. He had a better idea on what to do and Greed was just going to have to trust him. Ling was in much better mental health currently and he was going to have to navigate both of them from here. He was incredibly shocked when Greed seceded instantly, holing up as deep as Ling ever felt him. Ling didn’t delay on it, he needed to get out of the city and he was better at it than Greed, knowing roughly where they were even in the dark of the residential districts with his senses. Greed wasn’t in any condition to make decisions for them right now.  

Ling relished the first time being fully in control in forever, he pumped his arms and legs with a small touch of joy at not only surviving that terribly planned out altercation but with the excitement of getting to move on his own as he jogged out from the central hub of the activity. Faintly, he could hear the whistles of alarms far away as an attack on King Bradley was noticed by the military guard. He was safe enough as they already were sounding off in the opposite direction of where he was going but he didn't lighten up on his half run. He could keep this pace up for quite a while as long as he had fuel. Ling went for the outskirts of the city a few miles away, as good a hiding place as any, but as his pounding heart slowed as he slipped into the familiar pace of the jog he came to a realization and a question. Thinking of fuel, when was the last time they ate? Not in a /long/ while, he realized with horror- and that was after almost getting killed. Always hungry work.

He didn’t have a lot of time, he knew. He had to find shelter and something to eat. He knew he was in the neighborhood of the shack that had housed them when Lan Fan had been recovering what felt like forever ago. His tired mind rested on her for a moment or two, he really wanted to try and seek her out but with his condition he wasn’t going to get far. He hoped that his note had reached her. His mouth crooked into an apologetic grin. Getting prince-napped was not part of his incredibly garbage plan to obtain a stone. He rested a hand lightly on his chest, neither was the extra baggage that came with it. The cabin was probably still functional enough and nobody would think to look for him there. If he was lucky maybe Gluttony didn’t eat the side with the food stores. It would be a good place to at the very least sleep some of the hunger off. Maybe take the alone time to address Greed’s… Problems. He slowed down to take a very gentle feel of what was going on with the homunculus, not much it seemed. Sure enough Greed was still barely present within him, he felt as small as a walnut.

“I’m going to find us some place to sleep,” Ling announced out loud to nobody in particular. He didn’t expect a response and wasn’t disappointed when he didn’t receive any. He still thought it was the right thing to do. If he wanted Greed to act accordingly with his body then he would have to set examples by opening lines of communication. Even if it was as simple as telling each other what they were going to do, despite it being kind of evident already.  

He set a course to the shack and after shuffling along for a bit he felt the tickling of a familiar chi at the edges of his range. It couldn’t be, was that /Edward/?  


	7. An Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU territory again! Roy calls out someone who literally is the law of an entire country, let us see how that goes for him.

“Let’s call it the duality of man, how about?” Fuery submitted from where he sat. They had all sat in silence as Roy explained that the Emperor had threatened him. They had thought it a bad joke but Roy assured them that it was not. He had no reason to make it up since the rest of the meeting had been uneventful in the extreme. Roy insisted they workshop reasons why the sudden change in Ling Yao. They all continued to use the meeting room the Elrics and the Emperor had vacated, grouped around the head of the table that was closest to the door. “Duality nothing! Falman!” Roy pointed at his subordinate who had a hand on his chin in thought. He looked up with surprise at being addressed. Roy continued on now that he had his attention, “you have anything to say? You’ve interacted with him the most.” “Well, sir,” Falman said slowly, “I mean he acted the part of ruler, in fact he was much more mature than when I last saw him,” He looked around for support, “you all can agree he acted the part right?...It's just that.. how familiar are you with the homunculus situation about a year back?” 

 

“Mildly. I read your reports but you must remember that I was tied up with my own problems at the time. The prince made himself into a human based homunculus in order to obtain immortality was the gist? I seem to remember the homunculus in question being Greed of the set, you met him, tell me what it was like,” Roy said, passing the buck back to Falman. Roy had only skimmed those reports calling the entire kerfuffle on the roof open and shut after most of the country effectively died for a few minutes. They had blamed it on terrorism with advanced weaponry from the enemy and swamp gas. Priorities had to be deployed and one prince with an aversion to death was small potatoes. Clean up wasn’t the word for the infrastructure overhaul that they had been a part of these last few months in Amestris so this foray to Xing was ill-timed in Roy’s opinion. The room turned their attention back to Falman, Falman really disliked being put on the spot with an audience to boot, he was a background kind of guy. He adjusted his collar, was it hot in here?

 

 

“Well it was during the skirmish on top of the capital building but it looked like the prince and the homunculus had an agreement of some sort, the prince remembered me and introduced himself mid fight. It was a totally different person than who I saw fighting Bradley. They were….. both very different types of people in fact, it was.. obvious when one or the other was in control for the most part. I only got a few moments of interaction,sir, but in my opinion the homunculus is present currently. He'd act like that more than I'd say Ling Yao would.” Falman finished his half -assed explanation with a breath. 

“I thought he died?” Breda contributed to the discussion. They had all read the reports but had kept their mouths shut hoping to catch Roy out in a lie. 

“Apparently not because I was just threatened with bodily harm and I’m not sure if that homeless child I gave my spare shirt to when we met briefly would be capable of that he seemed… sunny,” Roy folded his hands. 

 

“Something about him seems off, I don’t like how he moves,” Riza said from her chair. She touched her empty shoulder holster. She missed her guns. They had of course been confiscated at the door. Actually much farther away than the door, they had to go through about six check points before they had even gotten to the door. Riza was also passingly familiar with Ling Yao, having driven him and Gluttony to the hideout that long time ago. You couldn’t change how you moved so entirely, it was one of the first ways someone in disguise was found out. She noticed how Yao moved when he had walked to Roy and it was not the half scamper of someone light on his feet that she had attributed to him. More of a swagger, although draped in a little regality.

 

“I dislike being so forward in this viper pit but there's no other recompense besides just asking him about it. If I get laughed at I get laughed at, if not... well..." he studied his gloveless nails. "I’m not going to get screwed with by someone nearly half my age,” Roy finished with a sigh ringed in finality. Breda opened his mouth to comment that a few years back a child had screwed with him quite often and got a slap on the back of the head from Havoc for his trouble. 

\----------------------------------

Outside after Greed’s little outburst, Ling and the others were trying not to laugh as Ling filled them in on the threats that Greed had laced to Roy before they had left the room. They had been too quiet to overhear. Greed was too far gone to not laugh and interjected over Ling’s explanation by doing so. Lan fan was a few steps away with her ear to the door doing her duty by listening in on the military’s alarmed conversation within. It wasn’t like they all didn’t know exactly what the main event of the conversation entailed. A smile did play at her lips, though. 

 

“Lan Fan get over here and get in on this huddle, we got a plan afoot,” Greed waved her over to bunch up with the brothers in the deserted hall. She sighed like it pained her to be included in the tomfoolery but she didn’t leave.

\-------------------------------

 

The emperor's group swept back into the meeting hall, spooking about half the table in their abrupt return. The Emperor took his seat at the head of the table and picked up a small tine fork that was used to spear food to put on plates that still occupied the space and picked at a hangnail. Ed and Al also sat down in their respective chairs. Lan Fan wasn’t to be seen. 

Roy looked at the boy king over folded hands and took a breath.

 

“Greed.” 

 

“HA! Well you’re not completely cowardly are you? You get right to the point, I like that in an adversary,” Greed slapped at the table and sat up, throwing the tiny fork to where it stuck in the wall and vibrated with the force of the throw to his left. “What was your first clue, there, crispy? My devilish good looks?” Greed pointed to his face with the hand that had his mark on it, showing it off for the table with a wide sharp grin. The rest of the onlookers didn’t react in surprise but in just confirmation of suspicions. Ed and Al chuckled a little.  

 

“How long?” Roy asked, annoyed already. 

 

“How long what?” Greed countered, though he knew what Roy meant.

 

“How long since you’ve ‘been around’, the whole time? Did you ever even die?”

 

“Well kinda and kinda to answer both your questions, since I’m feeling so generous towards my new guests, in my palace, in my country,” Greed taunted, not letting Roy forget where exactly he was on the power index. 

 

“How is it /your/ country? How did you come back? Alchemy? Alkahestry maybe? Why would Ling allow-”, Roy started in but Greed interrupted him with a rude gesture. “Hold on, first thing, that’s Emperor Yao to you and who is to say he had any say in the matter in what I do?” Greed’s smile curdled like milk.

 

“Hey, what the hell does that mean, Greed?” Ed asked, looking away from Mustang and his group to stare at Greed. Greed steepled his fingers. “What do you think it means, tiny? Who’s to say I haven’t been the only one around the whole time? Who is to say I wasn’t waiting for this moment when everyone who knows I’m still me to be in the same room. ALL CONVENIENT? Who is to say I don’t have guards right outside that door with orders to kill anyone who leaves besides yours truly?” Greed delivered this speech while strolling the circumference of the table to come to rest in front of the only door out. The entire group was stunned, nobody moved. 

 

“Greed this isn’t funny, Ling, tell Greed this isn’t funny!” Al yelled, visibly upset. 

“Sorry brat, Ling’s long gone. I dumped him when you foolishly brought me back- thanks ever so much again for that by the way. You know, I never told you I needed a soul to make that transmutation stick. Luckily there was one ready in here to use,” Greed said, mimicking Ling’s vocal patterns precisely, showing that he was capable of keeping up the act the entire time. Roy turned quickly to stare at the culprit of Greed’s return and whipped his head back around, not wanting to lose sight of the enemy. Riza inched towards a letter opener. 

 

“Uh Uh Uh Miss firearms, no projectiles, ultimate shield, remember?” Greed said, pointing to Hawkeye and letting his shield creep up the same arm as a demonstration. Riza still snatched the opener and took a defensive position. 

 

“How could you? We trusted you! Ling, please!?” Lan Fan appeared from nowhere and threw her own weapon at Greed which he lazily batted away with his shield covered arm. It had come close to his face. Fear tore at her vocal chords. “We were friends, I thought you understood, I thought Ling made you understand!” Al challenged, hopping up and knocking over his chair with a clatter. Ed joined him with a growl. “Sorry, I don’t have friends I only have possessions and you’ve outlived your usefulness!” Greed took the first steps toward the group.

 

Breda backed up and looked for escape routes to no avail. Falman dove under the table for cover where the quick thinking Fuery was already present, Riza dropped low, and Roy stood his ground, pretty defenseless without his gloves. Havoc took an entire chair in an arm like a pronged shield. The Elrics went shoulder to shoulder and started in to meet him in the middle when Greed suddenly dropped to his knees. 

 

Pounding the ground with a fist. Wailing with laughter. 

The brothers Elric clung to each other and nearly cried with mirth into each other’s shoulders. Even Lan Fan hid a snort behind a hand. 

 

Havoc broke the deafening silence of the Amestrian group with a question, “Did we just get got?” 

 

\------------------------------

They had cleaned up the mess after Greed’s little play was finished, realigning chairs and digging Lan Fans weapon and the fork out of wall. “I couldn’t resist, sue me, I’d say I’m only human to excuse the mistake but… anyways, I sure do love a good put on, come on we had you all totally enthralled,” Greed patted Roy on the back and shrugged with his other arm. Roy turned away from him. Greed grabbed his arm before he got far and hooked his in Roy's, stopping him. “Listen it’s fine, I swear, me and Ling have an agreement, everything is on the level, I assure you. Tell them, Ling, I’m great, right? Total asset you can’t live without, right?” Greed unhooked from Roy and crossed his arms, looking to the left smugly. Then he looked to the right and his posture changed to one of contemplation. “I wouldn’t go that far but… yes, I brought Greed back, though to tell at bit of the whole story as I will later he never really left as you suspected,” Ling smiled at Roy and the others. 

“Oh we got you GOOD Mustang, you’re still sweaty!” Ed crowed from his seat. “Sorry everyone,” Al apologized, but his face was a little too satisfied for it to ring true. 

“Now that the ice is /really/ broken let me make introductions again- I’m Ling, one half of the Emperor of Xing and this, as he’s already let you know, is Greed,” Ling said while gesturing to himself with a theatrical bow. “It’s already a pleasure,” Greed said directly after, looking up from the bow maniacally.  Roy wrinkled his brow, he wasn’t good with this preternatural horsehocky. 

 

“So you mean to tell me your king is haunted?” Havoc asked to Lan Fan who snorted into her hand again, he had missed much of what happened at the tail end of the promised day debacle, being laid up at the time. Havoc wasn’t even an alchemist let alone acquainted with much of the supernatural aspect of their liaisons with friends and enemies. Lan Fan had also taken a seat at the table. Havoc was not one for diplomacy, though the current situation was so far beyond diplomacy that it didn’t matter anymore. 

 

“Well that’s one way to put it, Lothario,” Greed said, voice dripping with sarcasm. He ducked his head under the table.  “Hey Shock Jock, Falman, you can get out from under the table now the scary monster isn’t gonna get you,” he continued. He still had his claws out on one hand and waved them at the two men underneath the furniture. Fuery composed himself with a little dignity and also sat down. Greed jumped up and hurried over to help the tall Falman navigate getting himself back up from under the table. “Sorry we scared you Falman but you know the grift is too good to let skills get rusty. I had a royal opportunity and you got caught in the crossfire and for that I apologize from the bottom of our heart.  You need anything while you’re staying here, anything, you give us a call. We mean it, right Ling?” Ling shook his head hard with an strong affirmative.

 

“Excuse me?” Roy was a bit confused at their demeanor. 

“Not talking to you horsey, talking to our guy Falman over here,” Greed cocked his head. “Ling wants to know how did you fare after he left? Family good? You have a nice trip over here? Oh that’s great!” Greed took Falman’s distressed “uhs” as answers to his rapidfire questions. He brushed Falman’s coat off of any residual dust and had him sit. 

His doting expression evaporated as he addressed the group as a whole. 

“Back to business, any questions, class?” 

 

“Yeah I got a question, why are you such a dick?” Havoc grumbled from his seating position. Roy slapped a hand to his face.

 

“Blame my dad I’m everything he was but better in every way, Havoc, next!”

Greed immediately liked Havoc. 

 

“Why did you bring him back and why would you let him be Emperor!” Roy addressed Ling which Greed immediately frowned on. “Just because we’re a set doesn’t mean I liked being talked over-huh, alright alright he did ask you I’m just saying is all, no I know no I’m not being mean you know I don’t like when- fine, I’ll let them know” Greed addressed Ling out loud which looked really odd to the onlookers that didn’t yet know their idiosyncrasies.   

 

“We try to keep things as simple as we can, back and forth switching confuses people so we’re trying to be /polite/,” Greed said like it was the most understandable thing in the world. Visibly Ling made an appearance. “As to why I brought him back, you’re presumptuous to assume I think very hard about anything. Another simple answer is to why he's co-emperor is that I owed him and freakishly he’s been a great help," Greed surfaced for a moment to thumb his nose and gloat. "But if you /really/ want to get into it he’s my friend,” Ling beamed and winced a little at what Ed, Al, and Lan Fan understood was a private shrieking stream of expletives from Greed by Ling’s satisfied face. The F-word always set him off.

 

“Emperor?” Roy said weakly, tired of this and it wasn’t even his first day in Xing.

“Oh! Yeah! Like I said he’s actually pretty good at it, well, with some things. That’s why we have the buddy system! See it’s funny because he’s my buddy and- “ He stuck a finger in his ear and winced. “Okay Greed stop screaming, gosh, two heads are better than one even though it’s still technically one head is what I’m trying to say. It works, what can I say? Also, as far as everyone in this room is concerned, out there?” he pointed out the door but meant the court in general, “there’s only Ling, me I mean, so, don’t blow this for us,” Ling cautioned. 

“Yeah I’m extending an olive branch by showing myself off and hanging out with you, don’t bite my hand or I’ll kick all of you out of Xing faster than you can say  **Military Dogs** ,” Greed enunciated the last part in Xingese. “How was my pronunciation? Oh? ‘Not god awful?’ thanks for the lovely compliment!” He was talking to Ling again.

 

“Is this how it always is?” Fuery asked to Al, cleaning his glasses with an incredibly well woven napkin. “No, sometimes it's really confusing,” Al confessed. They had talked to Greed and Ling about talking out loud to the other but they honestly didn't know what was worse, half the conversation, most of it, or none of it. It was a toss up.

 

Lan Fan pulled something out of her pack and presented it to Hawkeye who was sitting across from her at the table. Hawkeye took the package and unfolded it to find her guns and the extra gift of some cleaning supplies. “Sorry for confiscating these, I knew they would both try something stupid and I didn't want anyone shot,” Lan Fan looked Hawkeye directly in the eyes with a ‘you know how dumb they can be, right?’ expression. She was of course referencing the boys. Riza gave her a genuine smile and returned them to their rightful place on her shoulder after checking the sights, feeling whole again. She looked over to where the two were arguing over something and Ed was egging both on. “No promises about shooting,” she said, her idea of a joke. Lan Fan appreciated the dry delivery, “I trust your judgement,” she replied back and went over to break them up before they got really heated. 

 

“We're still in a meeting you know,” she said to the Emperor(s) of Xing. Ed stalked off on her arrival knowing she had come to bust them up. He went over to chat with Breda, Furey and Havoc, them being the most removed from the events that had lead up to the current situation, in order to answer their questions.

 

“I'm aware,” Greed deadpanned back to her, cutting Ling's angry comment off mid stream “also, sidebar, nice acting Ell Eff, loved the part about you trusting me, gonna keep that one nice and close for the sad times.” A little color rose in Lan Fan cheeks, “I do trust you about a quarter as far as I can throw you, you boor, please act better so you can earn it,” She said and pushed at him with a shove of familiarity. She had a hard time talking to Ling on equal terms from years of deference ingraining itself into her being but Greed, Greed she regarded as ‘lesser’ from the beginning in spite of his face being the same. This was not in a specifically rude way (it was about her opinions on Greed so maybe it was a bit rude)  but more so in the way she approached the Elrics. She shut her eyes when she realized what that meant. She had internalized Greed as a friend. Oh god. Worse she realized the Elrics were her friends as well. Why was she friends with only morons and the dumb-adjacent? The only outlier was Alphonse but he was his own special brand. She resolved to make friends with Hawkeye before she left, now that was a woman with a good head on her shoulders. 

 

Greed missed her inner revelation and went to hit his knee over Lan Fan's earlier admittance of trust. He stopped when he noticed his claws on that hand still being present. That had been the catalyst for his and Ling's most recent argument. He remembered to use his inside voice this time. 

_ I thought I said for you to dismiss this? _ He held their blackened arm up to their shared vision. 

 

_ Come on Greed you know I can't get it can you just do it?  _

 

_ Absolutely not! You're trying to pound this stupid pulse stuff into me- it's my turn to get to teach.   _

 

_ The pulse is important! Not only to hide you from nosy chi lookers but also because it's super convenient.  _

 

_ And having a way to block arrows with your skin isn’t?   _

 

_ Come on just do it for me it's starting to itch.  _

 

_ Nope, you're learning. What if I'm asleep or lazy and you need a shield?  _

 

_ I love your excuses, real life or death situations huh?.  _ Ling shot Greed with a special mix of what his facial expression looked like at that moment. 

 

_ You used it well when we fought Bradley? Just try and remember how it felt back then, that's my tip.  _

 

_ I knew how to do it because I was you then or you were me, whatever, and no offense but stay on your side of my brain. That was too close for comfort. _

_ You're telling me, I still have residual memories about music lessons I've never taken. If we have to do that again don't just think it's okay to leave your junk in here. And for the record being you was no picnic either. Alright, I want you to try it on your own, no more distractions. What did I say to do? _

__

_ Tell the shield to ‘piss off’. Whatever that means.  _ Greed was a decent teacher but sometimes his terminology was vague. 

__

_ Excellent. Telling it to go away is easier than making it. Here are some encouraging words; if you fail I get to keep berating you.  _

__

Ling frowned at that and gave it an honest try, thinking back to how it felt all the times when Greed used it. The feeling wasn't completely alien. When he felt for the dragon pulse he was passively feeling energy. He could feel his own and Greed's energy within him of course. He was also actively cancelling Greed's from leaking out, this was second nature at this point. That was energy movement, wasn't it? The sciences that Ed, Mei, and Al knew were all about how energy moved. He plucked at Greed's energy, knowing he needed that to start the process. 

__

_ Not too much, you don't need a lot to tell it to go away.   _ Greed muttered to him. 

__

_ Piss off.  _ Ling told material on his skin and pushed at it with a bit of power. It was his first alchemical reaction he’d performed by himself. 

__

Ling felt a catch release and the carbon on his arm started to dissolve. 

_ Damn, guess you’re safe from me getting to holler at you for a day but remember you still don’t know how to summon it. That’s a whole other kettle of fish.  _

__

Ling wiggled his arm to stretch the skin that had started to feel pinched and massaged his finger joints where the rubbing was most prominent. Without Greed's instantaneous healing the ultimate shield had a lot of negatives attached to it.  Greed proffered his other arm with a closed fist and Ling bumped it with his, taking the gesture at it’s clear meaning of ‘good job’. He looked up and Falman was looking at him with his almost perpetual expression of anxiousness firmly attached. Ling waved. Falman actually ‘eep’d’ in reply and went to go stand by Edward and his group. Ed was midway through explaining how Greedling had first come to be and even Roy was listening in. 

“Haa? Don’t go telling /my/ story without me you flax haired hillbilly!”

Greed gate crashed the group and obstructed Ed’s story with his own lead in. “It all started when I was born which father would later regret and regard as a terrible move on his part, let me tell you,” worse still Greed started filling a plate of the half eaten table food to tell his story with his mouth full. 

__   
  


 

 


	8. Camping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed's half people half something else squad is finally complete, let the camping trip begin. This is canon adjacent territory again!

 

After Greed had officially joined up with Ed’s team Ling was at a loss of what to do next. He actually wanted to be here so there was nowhere to steer Greed towards and thus devote much of his time and brain power to. Greed was sullen, keeping to the woods on the outskirts of the camp and only communicating a few times in small bursts with Edward and the two chimeras if they interacted with him first. He’d show up to eat when Ed called for the few meals they had shared and that was about it. The first night they both zonked out until midday the next morning and it was the deepest Ling had possibly ever slept. It looked like stress was finally taking a toll on the teen’s body and it stretched to Ling mentally. Greed had run him so ragged with infrequent sleeping at odd hours, eating whenever, and only small bursts of regular exercise that he was thrown all out of whack. To top it off he was so relieved to finally have found company that he went nearly comatose after relaxing the slightest bit. He woke up in a panic when he realized he overslept Greed, something that he usually never let himself do. He needn't have worried, Greed was doing nothing out of the ordinary, just hanging around watching Ed chop firewood from a nearby tree. Greed must have also slept nearly as long because Ling could feel the long thought lost revitalization humming from his muscles. How tired had they both been?

 

Ling let Greed have his space and kept nearly silent for that afternoon and the next morning after Greed decided to stay. He was going quietly nuts keeping his mouth shut for so long but he could feel the complicated emotional state radiating off of him and Ling knew if he handled it the wrong way he could ruin the progress he had made. There had been a lot of progress even though he didn’t feel like it sometimes.

Ling wasn’t sure whether Greed knew he was finely tuned in to his emotions like this, Ling had noticed it after that unfortunate mess with Bradley. He had always been able to feel the larger or more sharp spikes or if Greed ‘directed’ it at him specifically but since Greed had gone nuts it was much more distinctive. Something in Greed had broken through after all that. Not only did he get his memories back he was more ‘there’ to Ling than he could previously feel. Ling felt the weight of 200 years worth of experience add something back to Greed. It was difficult to describe but he felt less shallow as a person, more focused.

 

Ling felt Greed would disagree on what qualified him to be a person in the first place, he was just a homunculus, a manufactured being. All beings were manufactured, really, when you thought about it, just by more natural processes. He didn’t understand why he was being all negative about it, if anyone was going to acknowledge Greed as a person it would be this group he was hanging out with now. Edward explicitly had a whole swathe of complex definitions and a brother that some people would argue to him were not technically people. Ling laid back and put his hands behind his head, supported invisibly. He had long gotten used to the decor of his prison so floating on nothing didn't phase him any more. Mind over matter, or lack thereof. Ling had had lots of thinking time lately, but he didn’t like splitting hairs. When he made a decision he tended to stick with it.

He had seen enough of Greed’s actions as well as the context of many memories long enough to know that not only was he a person -he was, relatively speaking, a /good/ person. Or at least had the potential to be one. Ling was never wrong about these things. He also knew Greed would be incensed to hear any of this speculation but Ling did ball it up and radiate it as general good vibes in Greed’s direction. The feeling of a knowing smirk or a raised eyebrow. He knew from Greed’s reaction of annoyance that he felt that. Ling decided then and there that enough was enough and Greed needed an infusion of Ling at his best and most insufferable.

 

Greed lazed in a tall tree that gave him a view of the camp as well as little of the skyline of the city. A plume of black smoke rose into the air in the direction of the camp so Greed knew breakfast would be soon. He hoped it wasn't fish again, shorty had burned the last few trying to cook them near the fire on sticks. It was a little chilly up where he was sitting without any cover but he enjoyed the solitude rather than his new subordinates giving him odd looks behind his back. He turned his collar up and scrunched his back up against the trunk of the tree to catch a little more shut eye.

_Good MORNING Greed!!!_

 

After nearly two days without talking Ling's abrupt and deafening greeting made Greed nearly fall out of the tree he was in. Solitude was relative.

 

“WHAT THE /HELL/ DO YOU WANT?!” Greed snapped out loud. He didn't like being surprised and he most definitely did not like Ling's tone.

 _How are you feeling?_ Ling asked sweetly.

“What. Is that supposed to mean.” Greed answered hollowly with rage.

_It means what it means! I wanna know how you are today! How are you?_

“WHY?”

 _Do I need a reason to ask you_?

“Shut up!”

_‘fraid i can't do that! How. are. you?_

“You know exactly how I feel, you can feel it, idiot,” Greed barked angrily.

Ling paused, hopefully Greed wasn't talking about his ability to sneak a peek on his emotions.

_Well yeah, same body, but you also know that's not what I mean. Also just because I know how you feel physically doesn't mean I'm not going to ask. It's /nice/ to ask others how they are even if you know. It’s manners. You know what manners are, right? I want to talk to you._

“I don't wanna talk.”

‘He meant regular feeling, great, whew’, Ling thought to himself as Greed didn't start calling Ling out any further. Being able to get a read on his various sentiments with apparent lack of detection gave Ling an edge he dearly needed to keep.

 

_Too bad. I say it's time to talk and you’ll soon come to understand my opinion matters. You got anything you wanna say about current events? Any comments on recent behaviors that you may or may not have been a part of?_

“No.” Greed curled in on himself on the branch he was laying on and shut his eyes meaning to cat nap until breakfast and ready to clam up.

_/Fine/. I got something to say, then. You don't wanna share, I get it. Be grumpy. Here's me ‘sharing’ my opinion on something with you! Maybe we can make this an equivalent exchange as Ed likes to say. Here we go. Keep how you feel to yourself! Sure! Hey Greed? Know what? You fight like shit. I'm coming right out and saying it.  You're garbage. You're gonna get us killed. You fight like a drunken construction worker._

Ling crossed his arms and legs at the same time and turned his head to the side derisively. Greed could practically see his expression.

“Huh?!”

Greed was somehow suddenly ready to talk again and his reply growled out of his mouth at a volume. Ling's change in subject matter had thrown him.

_You heard me! You fight like SHIT. You're running around ruining all my training. I've trained since I was three, you know. All sorts of martial arts and strength training, I’m not even gonna mention endurance. Weaponry, marksmanship. All of it. I'm a lethal little pit viper and you're ruining all the work I put in to my body by tossing me around like an animal. I can't /stand/ watching this outrage anymore! You've got no form! You throw weak slashes because you don't use my reach. Forget about my lower half you barely realize I got legs! I got great legs Greed, and hell if you use them!_

Ling full on raved to Greed. If Greed didn't wanna talk about his memories or Bradley or anything else important Ling was sick of his shit and was going to bring something up that had been eating away at him for a long while instead.

“Don't fucking start in on me you little chump! It's my body now and I do what I want with it!” Greed said back to Ling's speech.

_What you want is to get me murdered despite /literally/ having immortality! You are going to let me show you some pointers and you are going to enact the training regiment that I've been neglecting since getting freaking POSSESSED._

Half the time Ling had failed to follow his own regiment but Greed didn't need to know that.

“I'm going to do no such thing!” he shot back, the smart thing would have been to ignore Ling all together but Greed was Greed.

_Oh yes you are, or do you want Bradley to cut our head off  for real next time we square off. See if we can regenerate from that?_

“Shut UP!” Greed had hopped down out of the tree and was pacing in the woods with irritation, he was also yelling. Losing spectacularly to Bradley again was a sore point for him.

 _  
_Nope! You can't make me!__ Ling stuck his tongue out. __You know Bradley's getting his from us eventually and I'm involved. -Oh hey look to the left. Those mushrooms are edible, grab those__ _would you, please? -And furthermore I noticed it when you remember to kick which is NEVER but you don't plant your feet correctly and square yourself. I bet you get yourself knocked over a lot-_

__

Greed kneeled down and started putting mushrooms that were bright orange and looked like a brain into a makeshift pouch he made with the side of his duster.

“Don't you god damn lecture me you know it all! Yes I do! I know exactly what I'm doing and I don't need comments from a little brat who- I don't CARE about training, training don't mean shit! I picked up what I learned on the streets. It works fine. YES IT DOES. Stop whining! - can you eat these?” Greed broke of virtually screaming to point at mushrooms that had red caps and white stems.

__

_You absolutely don't know how to throw a punch with my arms I've FELT IT YOU IGNORAMUS- oh no I don't like that color at all, leave those alone. Those acorns though, they're good protein. AND ANOTHER THING? I'll have you know I took your one brother out being entirely human at the time so don't give me ‘training don't mean shit’ I cut him in HALF-_

__

“Well look at YOU. Brag all you want Gluttony is dumb as hell you probably just set out some bait and waited until he showed up. Kicking his ass don't mean anything, I can kick his ass!” Greed took dozens of acorns and shoved them in his pockets even while arguing. He shuffled over at a half crouch to keep the mushrooms in his jacket and picked some fern sprouts. Those were good eating.

__

_HEAVILY DOUBT IT. oh fiddleheads, good find- You couldn't even kick my ass!_

Greed took off his jacket and rearranged the items within it to make a carrying bag that was rapidly filling with the bounty of the forest. He put it on the ground and tossed other edible mushrooms he scrounged off a log after Ling pointed them out with enthusiasm, noting their rarity.

“Yes I could!” Greed paused to listen to Ling’s ‘nuh uh! and ‘how would that work, professor logistics?’  and screamed. “Yes even now! Oh you wanna /GO/ LITTLE MAN? HOWS THAT GONNA WORK, HUH? Have you NOTICED you're nothing but talk. I'VE got the body and- “

__

_OH YOU DO? DO YOU? LET'S SEE ABOUT THAT!_

Ling’s influence slammed down Greed's legs and planted them solidly on the forest floor. He had riled Greed up enough to pull this off.

 _Keep that stance and defend yourself!_ He called with a teasing air.

His left hand went stiff and went for a rabbit punch to his eyes, Greed knocked it away with a loud slap with his other hand. He tried to move his legs but got distracted by his hand going in and connecting with an open palm slap to his temple.

_Uh UH! TOO SLOW, GREED. GONNA HAVE TO BE FASTER._

“You little son of A-” He lunged and successfully grabbed his arm.

 _Stance!_ Ling taunted.

Greed had broken the stance Ling had put him in by force and Ling punished it by hooking a leg around the other one and twisting, knocking Greed over onto the forest floor in a pile of leaves.

_Told you you're easy to push around! This is among the reasons why you screwed up at Bradley's!_

Ling used Greed's anger to keep himself in control, if he kept him confused it was easier to keep grabbing for limbs. He couldn’t go for the whole body but an arm or a leg was easy to snatch and drop. He aimed another slap at the back of his own head. This one connected as well.

“KNOCK IT OFF,” Greed bellowed.

__

_Or what? You'll do what? Tell me!_ Ling threatened.

“Hey you two utter weirdos. You want in on breakfast?” Ed had appeared and stopped the two's argument with fish on a stick that was thankfully less burned than last time. Greed looked up mid wrestle from amongst the pine needles and hopped up, brushing mast out of his ponytail like nothing had been happening.

“This is NOT OVER,” Greed muttered to Ling as Ed came to look him over.

_Oh no it's not considering I kicked your ass, told you I would. I would like us to get to a point where I can’t do that as easily as I did._

__

_“_ You want me to leave you two alone so you can finish whatever the Hell this is?” Ed asked while gesturing to Greed in a vague way. Greed went to push Ed away and Ed stood his ground.  “You can keep being a freak in the woods if you want, more fish for us,” Ed shrugged. He went to leave and nearly tripped over the coat bag of Greed’s, knocking a few items out of it. “Hey whoa- did you pick all this food? Nice! Contributing something to the team, finally. Sweet, we got a great lunch if my snares work out and various personages stops having a screaming argument in the woods with themselves and making all the animals within a mile radius turn tail,” Ed said while picking up the bag.

__

“Come out and have some breakfast conversation that isn’t with yourself, Greedling,” Ed joked as he left for the tree line and threw the bag over his shoulder, “also, I don’t exactly know what Ling said but I can guess it’s about your fighting stance and he’s right your legs are shit,” he called nonchalantly over his shoulder.

Ling snickered.

__

Greed repaired his dignity as best he could and went to go eat the free food- which he wouldn’t turn down for anything. Ed, to his relatively mature credit only grinned at him rather than reference anything he saw in the woods. Darius and Heinkel looked at each other and looked at Greed, then tried not to look at him too much, and then looked at him a little overmuch. Greed noticed and gnawed around some root vegetable that was baked in the coals of the fire wishing he had some salt.

__

“What, spit it out.” He mumbled over the hot potato to the two.

“You might as well ask, it’s not gonna stop being bizarre with them,” Ed said to the two, stripping his meal with gusto.

“We uh, hey, so what was that about, in the woods?” asked Darius, it was none of his business really but both being chimeras they had heard the whole argument. The benefits of advanced senses. Though near the end anyone with ears would have heard them.

 

“What is that supposed to -” Greed started in.

“Greedling you morons, these guys have no idea what your deal is!” Ed pointed to the two chimeras who did look very confused. “All they know is they had Ling telling them he was a homunculus, terminology which I had to explain, and I also had to explain why both their animal parts instinctively give them the heebie jeebies around you. You referred to yourself in the second person, a sterling depiction of mental health, then you disappeared for a day and a half! Then later you revealed yourself to the group as still being in the area by having a screaming argument in the woods with nobody. Which we all heard, by the WAY. You’ve done nothing but eaten pretty much all our food and be worrisome and that's about it. They think you’re crazy, stupid.” Ed poked at the fire with a stick.

“Well I’m not, and it's Greed” Greed sniffed.

“GREAT REBUTTAL!” Ed threw up his hands after tossing the flaming stick into the heart of the blaze.

“Keep that up and I’m going to leave,” Greed said.

“Well don’t walk away or anything but yeah I kind of do want you to ‘go’. I think it would be best if we have Ling explain to the group what exactly is going on with you two so we can move on,” Ed explained.

 

“Nope, not happening,” Greed crossed his arms and took another bite of the lackluster potato.

“You have no idea what happened up until we were at father’s so I’d like Ling to make an appearance as it would be best to hear the story from him and convince our two comrades over here that you’re not touched in the head….” Edward clapped his hands with an idea.

 

“Tell you what, I got extra salt and butter I saved from Ling laying waste to our stores, bet that would go good on the rest of your potato!” Ed reached inside his coat and pulled out a small bag and a tin. He waved them at Greed enticingly. Ling meanwhile rubbed his hands admiringly at Edward knowing exactly how to get Greed to do something he didn’t want to do so soon. Bless him. Ling poured it on from his end. _Please Greed, I do know the whole story and it would be nice to talk to someone else for a little while? Don't get me wrong I do enjoy our chats, you know I do. I promise, exactly no funny business_!” Ling soothed. Greed didn’t answer Ling and instead chose action.

 

“Gimme that!” Greed snatched at the butter and salt in Edward’s hands and put a healthy amount of both on the potato he held. He fished another out of the coals with his other hand even as he ate. He inhaled both in record time. After he was finished he went still and suddenly his shoulders relaxed. Ling rubbed his eyes and lunged for the rest of the fish on the sticks, using some of Ed’s salt. He looked up at the group as he navigated around the bones in the tail, his first instinct on freedom to stuff his face.

“Oh my goodness I didn't think he’d actually- well never mind!” Ling rightfully decided to not finish that thought, not wanting to rile Greed back up. “It’s been a while, hello Edward!” He said after swallowing a mouthful of decently baked fish. Ed nodded to Ling in reply. “Darius, Heinkel. We met briefly, don’t worry though, I know everything that’s going on out here when Greed’s around, so..” He looked at their blank faces. “Don't ask it's hard to explain, just treat the situation like I’m always lurking and you’ll be fine- also don't point a gun at me next time. I may be immortal but it’s still pretty rude-” Ling broke off to rub his greasy palm on the grass and offered a hand of his to shake. Both chimera cautiously shook it in turns.

 

“Let’s get started. I’m Ling Yao and this was my body originally, I gave it up in a deal with Greed here. This all started when my father tried to have me killed…” Ling tapped his chest and told them a very truncated version of the events that happened from his early childhood, why he left Xing, his chance meeting with the brothers, the complicated nest of events that led up to returning from Gluttony and meeting Greed. Ed interjected for a few sentences  while Ling took a quick intermission to eat more and drink to tell them of his personal first meeting with the homunculus, something Ling had not heard before. He grinned at Greed getting himself beat to hell by a housewife, that ‘no women’ policy sure was working out for him. Ling embellished Greed's involvement when he got to the relevant points, stroking his ego because he was aware Greed was doing a terrible job at hiding the fact that he was listening in. He made sure to talk about how altruistic Greed was with letting him stay around and felt a glow of self importance from within. Ling resisted pulling an expression of resignation. Predictable. The entire story even in a smaller form was a doozy and both chimera looked on in mounting puzzlement at the unbelievable nature of it as time went on.

 

“So to sum it up, you know how you sometimes turn into a lion?” Ling asked Heinkel with a smile. “Um, yes?” he replied, not knowing where the boy was going with the question. He seemed nice but this yarn that him and the Elric boy were pushing was hard to take. He was willing to believe the homunculus part, he had proven he had powers. The kid had stopped mid talk to ask the air if he minded?... and then grew claws from his hands and clicked them at the two, showing his circleless transmutation off. It was different than their transformation into chimera and was lit by the telltale crackle of alchemical reactions. Ling's face lit with a mischievous expression and he continued with his earlier question. “Well I turn into an asshol- OKAY THAT’S IT, NO MORE OUTSIDE FOR YOU!” Greed was back. He glared at Edward who was trying his best not to laugh.

“Good enough of an explanation? He always talks to much,” Greed said over his glare.

The chimera looked possibly even more confused.

__


	9. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ling and Greed talk family with family. This is more AU again, bet you can tell im alternating chapters. I took a few liberties with who shows up but can you blame me?

They had woken earlier than normal, still wound up over the talks that went late into the night yesterday, or more accurately into the even earlier morning. The palace was quiet with daybreak and those few that saw the Emperor roaming the halls alone kept it to themselves. Greed clucked his tongue in pleasure at his staff knowing their place. Those that whispered or indicated his presence got pointed looks in their direction which of course struck terror into them. After Greed had told the Amestrians of his grand return they had gotten back to business at hand but at a much more unprofessional pace. Greed had in fact told Roy multiple times over tops of the feet he had up on the table to go screw himself on some of the harder points Roy had pushed. Roy in a rare show of temper raised his voice to top volume in rebuttal. Ed and Al joined in with what they thought would be appropriate for both sides. Both young men really didn’t have allegiance to either country and enjoyed stirring the pot. (Ed was very disenfranchised with the military and Al was just visiting.) 

 

Both Greed and Ling had a blast switching off after polite indication, usually from Ling, of doing so when they wanted the other to take the floor for the benefit of the new group that couldn’t pick up on their visual cues like their friends. They tag teamed the ‘discussion’ and unlike having to pose as the Emperor (which was an act for them both) as they always did they let their personal flair boil up to the surface. Things had been thrown and it had gotten loud but they had gotten a staggering amount done as well as had the most fun they’d ever had when politics was the topic of conversation. Even Roy’s subordinates had broken their silence to support Roy in some things but also make sure to drag Mustang through the mud mercilessly if the opportunity presented itself. Greed had made sure it had done so multiple times. 

 

_ What do you wanna do before we gotta work?  _ Ling asked. Greed was in charge even though he’d been in charge much of the evening and walking quickly down a long hallway to get his reluctant blood pumping. Ling didn’t mind, he was still groggy. A timetable of who got out when had drove them nuts when they tried to implement it so they just went by feel. Greed tended to feel like he should be in charge and Ling being accommodating let him. Lan Fan called him a doormat. They were free until they had to meet again with the military later in the morning. 

“I was thinking we should go see Mei, it’s been a hot minute, Ling,” Greed mused, “she is ‘our’ cherished little sister after all.” Greed refused to acknowledge the existence of the other numerous siblings Ling had pointed out skulking around the edges of the palace as related to him in any way, instead calling them the vultures whenever they came up in conversation at all. He mentioned that he disliked them ‘infesting his palace’. He had even asked if Ling wanted them threatened but Ling told him not to even bother. They were mostly harmless now. As harmless as Xing got. Ling had also brought up slyly that waving their victory in his siblings faces was best up close and personal. Keeping enemies close was petty but Ling didn’t get to where he was by not being petty. 

 

_ I don’t remember you adopting her into the family or sticking your neck out by publicly recognizing her and by extension the weakest clan at the beginning of your reign or anything. _

_ I additionally just want to bring up that the man who killed your… blood related? sister has been sitting across from us for hours at a time lately.  _

“First thing she had it coming, she killed me tons of times it’s only fair a human got her in the end. Lust? More like blood lust... I bet that pissed her off so BAD! Secondly, I was indisposed at the time you did that with Mei, and since I been back I’ve been thinking-”

_ Oh, don’t hurt yourself! _

“Cute,” Greed spat. “Don’t distract me chump I haven't had enough coffee to keep my train of thought-

_ I hate coffee, what’s wrong with a good wholesome cup of tea? I ask you.  _

Greed’s tastes always did run western despite it literally being Ling’s tastes he was working with. Habits as well as homunculi die hard. Greed stopped for a moment to pick up the lead he had dropped.

“I told you don’t distract me! So! I was THINKIN’ about what you said one time-”

_ You actually listen to what I have to say?? _

Greed didn’t even comment and pressed on as well as picked up the pace.

“You had joked we share a blood type, well we do don’t we, I’d even go so far to say that we’re blood related, given that I’m you know, blood based and all,” Greed held his chin in contemplation even as he walked.

Ling got where he was going with this as only he could. 

_ So what you’re saying is we’re like twins, only at a muuuuch closer proximity.  _ Ling mocked.

Greed frowned. “I don’t like how you said that. But Yes.”

_ You’re not wrong.  _

“So with Mei since she’s your sister shes mine by default, and this isn’t even me saying everything that’s yours is de facto mine, which it is, this is just math.”

_ I’d call it total bull or science if I’m being kind, and also I said I’m willing to share what I have /with/ you, Greed, not give it to you outright!- Putting that aside I think she’d be delighted if you called her sister, brother mine.  _

Greed nearly jumped out of Ling’s skin at being called his /brother/. Greed regarded Family as another forbidden F word on the same level as Friend. Ling noted his agitation.

_ What now you big goof, you brought it up, were you so eager to have a sister that you didn’t realize the implication? _

“Shut up! I’m-”

Greed started to argue but literally tripped himself up over a woman he almost bowled over by walking right into her. This wasn’t the first time he’d done so to a random palace goer when talking to Ling. 

_ Hey! You really need to watch where we’re going! Is she okay? _

Greed stooped over to help the poor woman up.

“Pardon me, Missus! Here, let me help you up and before you scream no I’m not going to throw you in jail for touching me it was all my fault- I’m tripping over these clodhoppers I have for feet,” He threw in a dig at Ling. 

He was used to staff unacquainted with him to quake in fear interacting with him, hence the preamble. Greed started out polite but by the end of the sentence more than a little of his standard patter was falling out.  

The woman got up and brushed herself off. She was dressed richly but not ‘to the 9’s’ as Greed would say. Ling got a good look at her face and if he was in control of his own the color would have drained out of it.

_ Hey Ling? You alright? You feel kinda like you’re gonna tap out?  _ Greed asked, stepping back from the woman now that she was on her feet and not visibly worse for wear.

_ Mmm M?? _

The woman turned around and looked at the emperor of Xing. 

_ Ling? _

_ MOTHER. _

Before Greed could react the woman stepped in close and grabbed his face with both hands. Despite Ling towering over her she yanked him, Greed really, down to her eye line by his chin and looked deeply into his purple-tinged eyes. 

“Who. Are you. What have you done with my son?!” Greed blanched and tried to pull away. 

LING YOU BASTARD DON’T LEAVE ME HANGING HERE??  He yelled at Ling internally while he fought for purchase. 

Ling was too off balance on how to approach this to even go for control. 

_ I GOT NOTHIN’. _

“Uh.. mo-mother what do you mean?” Greed asked, the word unfamiliar to him, to buy time for Ling to right himself. Ling shook himself off and assumed control by the end of Greed’s question to his intense relief. Ling’s apparent mother had not taken her hands off their face. 

“Think I don’t know my own boy? Who are you? Where is my son?” She turned Ling’s face from side to side as if she was looking for some hidden quality.

“Mother, please? I’m Ling?! What ever could you be talking about?” 

She stared him hard in the face. 

“Not you dear, I was talking to that other one, glad to see you’re here too. I understand a little more of your behavior now, two huh, any more? No? We’ll talk in a moment.” 

_ Holy hell! Damn, are all women from your family like this? _

_ Our family, you decided to opt in, remember?  _

_ I’m suddenly regretting that I did that mere minutes after. _

“There! There it is! You go distant for a little. Are you talking to him?” she asked while pointing at him. Ling startled out of the slight stupor it took to talk to Greed internally. Even his friends had a hard time of telling when he was doing it.  

“Mother I know it’s been a little while since we’ve spoken but you’re making no sense. What do you mean?” Ling was determined to play dumb, thankfully he’d had tons of practice over the years. 

“A little while!? You’ve BARELY spoken to me after your coronation! I haven’t even /seen/ you from anything but a distance in weeks! Believe me, I’ve heard enough about your behavior since you being sworn in to not even want to see you! My darling boy, a lush, an embarrassment to the throne, incompetent- you should have heard the rumors!” 

“I did since they were about me after all…” he grated. Ling’s mother kept talking and acted like she didn’t hear him. She paced back and forth in the hallway, hiking up the train of her robe to walk faster. 

“Then you’re sick for a few days and when you come back you’re suddenly acting entirely different, what was I supposed to think Ling Yao? I have never known you to be sick for more than a day since you were an infant!” “You've barely seen me since I've been an infant,” he said.  “I honestly thought you’d found a look alike in the city and pulled a ‘prince and the pauper’ on me. But I’d know your chi anywhere. You are my son. But different. It took a little while for me to put it together but I think I have something pretty decent. I heard the story you fed the court, how true is that? Half? No matter.” She brushed a little lint off a sleeve fastidiously.  “Now. Whom was I with before, or are you going to continue lie to your own mother?”

Greed who had been snickering at Ling getting lambasted and spoken over spoke up in indignation. 

“Hey, how can I lie to you if we haven’t spoken in weeks?” Greed had come to terms with needing to lie sometimes for the job but he disliked being told he was doing it when he wasn’t. It was one thing to be guilty of something but another to be innocent and yet blamed for it anyway, anyone with siblings could understand that particular feeling. 

“Lies of omission dear, try and keep up. Ah here you are,” Ling’s mother said matter of factly. She swept in close again and Greed took a step back, unsure of what to do. Ling was meanwhile similarly put out. How was she able to tell without a sliver of doubt? He had both his and Greed’s chi on complete lock down since he’d realized who Greed had knocked over. 

Chi reading was a Yao family special.

She placed a hand gently on Greed’s cheek. “So you’re the nice boy who’s been protecting my son all this time, thank you so very much!”

_ UHHHHH  _

Greed was Very unused to a complete stranger addressing him specifically in this form, much less the stranger having nice things to say. 

Ling took over for Greed before he completely seized up, not secretly reveling in Greed’s utter lack of understanding and confusion. It wasn't often he was so unbalanced. 

“Mother, how would you like to sit with me in a nice enclosed tea room rather than an open hallway and we can talk about these strange ideas you have about me?!” Ling said around pursed lips. 

“As if I’d let you escape, dear,” she said, ice in her voice. Ling gulped even as he took her arm to lead her over to a tearoom he knew no one would be listening in on. 

The walked in silence as chaos erupted in Ling’s mind. Ling was careful to keep his face blank and imperious. His mother still shot him with knowing glances even as they strolled. 

_ LING YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU HAD A MOM! _

_ EVERYONE HAS A MOM AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIVES, STUPID. _

_ UH NOT ME, CHAMP. _

_ Oh. _

_ YEA, OH! RUDE. _ Greed snapped.  _  We’re losing the lead here, you didn’t tell me you had a perfectly alive mother that was in close proximity to you. To us. _

_ I didn’t necessarily hide it or anything…  _

_ I’m quoting your mother, who I like already just so you're aware. Are we lying by omission now?  _

_ What was I supposed to say!? I’ve barely talked to her my entire life. I can count the exchanges we’ve had since I was ten on my fingers and toes. Distant isn’t even the word! Did you want me to introduce you or something? You didn't care nearly as much about my literal dozens of siblings. Before you returned it was somehow worse but it’s still been a busy few weeks what with your apparent resurrection, the military, a kidnapping, assassination attempts- and aren’t we supposed to be keeping you a secret? _

_ Greed’s out of the Ling now, there, kid. She knows. Nothing’s going to stop her. I might as well meet her officially on my terms.  _ _ Huh, I technically never met your father either but from how you talk about him and how I am with fathers that's more acceptable. _

__

_ I didn't know him that well myself but if it makes you feel better I'm sure he would have hated you. _

Ling still felt no affection for his father who was also alive but very busy what with taking the stone for himself and using it. He'd bitten off more than he could chew and was ‘resting’ on an out of the way island as he dealt with a few thousand new and very angry subjects. He had filled Greed in on that much weeks earlier.

_ Excellent. All I can ask for, really.  _

__

The had found a very well appointed tearoom that was deserted. The staff had done their duty even in an out of the way room like this, a fire was banked to hot coals in a small warming brazier that doubled as a cooktop. The palace could get drafty no matter the time of year when you went deep enough. 

Ling bought time to think as he made tea for them both.

“It’s nice to know that my son hasn’t forgotten his manners even with his new position.” she said, watching him work deftly.

“Mother you’re acting like I got a promotion at the office and not became the god king of the biggest country to ever exist,” Ling scoffed. He picked through tins of tea to choose a flavor both he and Greed liked.

“So is our mysterious stranger who I have to thank for you growing a backbone, Ling Yao?” she asked from the couch behind him.  

Greed yowled a laugh for only Ling’s ears. 

“I wish you’d stop already! I have absolutely no idea what you’re-”

“Cut the crap,” his mother said, voice losing a lot of the refinement of court. 

_ LOVE THIS BROAD.  _ Greed cackled directly on her heels.

_ Make another cup, it looks like I’m in hot demand this week.  _ Greed went on, making a decision. 

Greed liked his own cup when they were alone even though that made no sense whatsoever to Ling, they even took their tea the same way. 

Ling pinched his nose and sighed as was becoming a habit but did as he was told. He brought the tray over with the three cups and sat it down. 

“Are we expecting a third, sweety?” she asked when she noticed the amount of cups, a note of sarcasm in her voice. 

“Present and accounted for,” Greed said, dropping any lingering Ling he’d affected. 

Ling’s mother looked him up and down with an unreadable expression. “And who do I finally have the pleasure of speaking with?” she asked.

“Greed-” Ling cut through a moment, “Yao.” He wasn’t going to let Greed get through this without suffering a little bit. Greed spiraled but gathered himself in front of his audience. “A hum! Greed Y-yao,” He coughed.

_ I’m going to get you for that. _

Ling stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry. 

“Is Greed short for something, dear?” She inquired kindly.    
“No, just the cardinal sin, Miss. I also tack ‘the avaricious’ on when the mood strikes me. So, please enlighten me since I’d not known you were alive twenty minutes before, you are?” Greed upped the schmooze. 

“Aren’t you a charmer, my name is Yu Yan but you may also call me Miss Yao if you wish,” she smiled at him.

“Enchanted,” He took her hand and kissed it.

Ling stuck his tongue out again internally. 

_ Ick, Amestrian greetings are so smarmy. No wonder you were so at home. _

She grabbed his hand quickly and spat on it. “Hey lady, what gives! -Ling this some kinda Xing thing you neglected to tell me about??” Greed tried to pull away but she held him fast and used a sleeve to rub at the top of his hand. Ling got what she was doing immediately as his mark showed through the waterproof paint he’d used this morning. Waterproof it was but a little elbow grease was too much for it.

_ “ _ This explains a few other things,” she said, unsurprised, “any connection to a strange boy in the capital?”

_ Oh she’s good. _

She saw the expression on Greed’s face, “Before you begin to explain to me what I’m sure is a harrowing story as to why my son has a house guest," she tapped the side of her head, "let me try and make a few of my own guesses,” she gave Greed his hand back and took her cup of tea. He rubbed it on his chest with with a pinched mouth.

“Would you have anything to do with a supposed monster that’s been stalking the capital over the last few weeks? Making a few appearances and rumored dozens of others? Would you also have anything to do with my son being seem performing amazing feats such as getting shot point blank in the forehead and fighting the then ruler of Amestris with his bare hands? Further still would you have anything to do with my son getting arrested upon entering that infernal country nearly two years ago? I know those blond boys you keep around had many hands in the upheaval of that country and you were right on their tail. I'm just trying to get my timeline straight, you're not on trial or anything,” she assured them and raised her cup.

_ Very. _ Good. Greed intoned for Ling. __ Ling felt they were on trial.

He hummed in a nervous tone. How had she put all that together?

“Close Ma’am but your son and I hadn’t met yet when he got arrested, he did that on his own, something about sneaking into the country with no visa,” 

“I have all the time in the world to listen to the failings of my son, would you be so kind as to help fill in the blanks?” she asked Greed with a helping of sugar in her voice. Ling shivered. 

Greed grinned and launched into another telling of how him and Ling had met, talking about himself was always something he was interested in doing. Yu Yan stopped them more than once for Greed to clarify a point or elaborate on something but was stunningly impassive for much of the story. She even asked them to go further on many points she explained her interpretation of first, having already been informed. Greed always liked to watch the reactions of those he told but hers were so slight. She watched them like a hawk as Ling appeared intermittently to sip at his tea and stop Greed from pumping up his side of story with fluff that made him look good. Ling had literally taken a backseat for much of the story and thus didn’t get up to much so it’s not like he could extol his virtues as anything other than the henpecking they were. 

  
  


When they were done they noticed her frowning into her cup. “What’s wrong Mother I know it’s hard to believe but you came to me already knowing about half the highlights?” Ling asked, chalking her expression up to confusion. Their story was quick in that they just had to de-bullshit a few main events. “Ling, what did Lan Fan say to you before you got to Amestris?” she asked. 

“Lan Fan told me a LOT of things before we got to Amestris, that ride through the desert was long.” He affected a pained expression. “Where do I even start, ‘dont catch feelings for the plights of the locals we're here for a job, don't align yourself with their politics, do not leave my eyesight, do not embroil yourself in the lives of strangers, don't just take every free thing someone offers you, no unauthorized swordplay, no intra-clan fraternization- they are the enemy, no talking to the military-’ wait how do you know what Lan Fan said?”

“I told her to say it, dear. You may think me distant but that was only to protect you. I couldn't show you favoritism with you being so young they would have seen it as a bid for the throne. If circumstances happened where you were closer than you were in line I would have been your regent and thus an empress in my own right. This was an easy way to get you and I killed. Even though I had no designs to rule it wouldn't have mattered to the vultures.” “Hey I call them vultures too!” Greed said jovially. 

That's lovely!” she answered.

”Even though I wasn’t physically close, and for that I'm sorry, I still made sure your bodyguards were good for you, I still had my spies check in on you at many opportunities, I tried to ease your lot in life however I could. How did you think you got all the way to Amestris without incident or for that matter had a low assassination attempt per year quota compared to your siblings? This also was why I got a few bits of information that the public doesn't know from your trip. Although you did drop off the face off the earth for months in the middle…”  

“That would be Greed's fault, remember the large portion of time in the story where I was held against my will?” Ling asked, irritation coloring his question. 

 

Yu Yan plowed forward, nonplussed. “Then Lan Fan’s story when you get back doesn't match up with my other informants but is perfectly aligned with yours, you were hiding something. I just didn't know what. Then your behavior took such a turn after you returned. I had heard about a private funeral? All that black you were wearing...” she broke off to look at them. “I didn't know why my son was so bereft…” Greed put his hands on his hips to gloat exactly why Ling had been bereft and Ling flapped a hand like it wasn't a big deal. 

“I still have my spies check on you in fact, so please in the future ask me before you break my young one’s wrist. You’re lucky that wasn't the hand they wrote with..” Ling thought back to a few days ago when Greed had landed on top of that novice and scared the ever living hell out of them.

She had made a few events make sense by what she told Ling. He had always thought it suspicious that his midnight flight from the palace and subsequent self exile from Xing went so smoothly. Not to mention various memories from his childhood taking on a new light. 

_ She has spies? That spy I spooked a little while back was hers? No wonder they were just snooping and not looking to murder. Wish she would have said something, I feel bad for snapping his wrist like a chopstick.  _

_ Typical Xing, everyone has spies, and if you know where the spy comes from they’re not much of a spy, huh. _

Greed nodded his head absently. 

_ Lan Fan’s on the take? _

_ I’m not surprised by anything she’s saying at this point. _

“How long has my bodyguard been on your payroll?” Ling asked. “Since the beginning but you make it sound so dirty. I was only advising you through her the best I could, she wouldn’t accept money for something like that anyway. She's a good girl and more than up to lecturing you herself. By the way did she happen to mention anything about GETTING POSSESSED?” Yu Yan asked, her smile taking a plastered on quality. Ling tilted his head. “As a matter of fact she di-OW OW OW OW,” Yu Yan snatched her son’s ear and yanked it.

“Ling Yao you foolhardy child what am I to DO with you!? I knew you wanted to go to Amestris to try and find this mythical stone, foolish on it's own, but literally offering up your body in exchange? You are LUCKY Mr. Greed was so understanding or where would you have been? YOU DID WHAT. YOU LET YOURSELF WHAT?” She yanked his ear to the time of her words as she enunciated her points to many protests from Ling. The main one being “MAMA, PLEASE.” 

Pain knocked Ling back to a child in the tone of his complaining. Greed meanwhile was emitting an aura of intense smugness from the back of Ling’s mind.  _ Yeah Ling what would you have done??? _

Yu Yan looked into Ling’s eyes that were wet with a tear or two from her pinches. “Does this hurt you too?” she asked Greed. She gathered through the long story she had witnessed both of them tell that he was always listening given the unbroken stream of their dialogue.

Greed winked and shook his head as a reluctant affirmative. He didn’t want to lie but was willing to take the lumps for seeing Ling like this. It was hilarious.

“I’m sorry my son is such a handful Mr. Greed, I know you probably had to put up with so much over the years, you laid your life on the line for him.” Greed puffed his chest out at one of the only times she had gasped during his story, when he said that he had sacrificed himself. “He’s at least fair to you is he not?” she asked.

Greed’s smugness became cloying in how overblown it became from her words.

“Mother, did you not hear the part where he was a wanted criminal among literally everything else? I’d view /this/ as a prison sentence!” Ling tapped his chest referencing their arrangement. “He lets me out for good behavior Ms. Yao don’t worry. Ling’s a cruel boy sometimes but I put up with it for the good of the country,” Greed said with a sniff of ‘sadness’. “He /is/ terrible he never calls he doesn’t even take the time to write, I know being Emperor tends to monopolize time but even a letter every once in a while to his dear mother...,” she took a handkerchief out of a sleeve and dabbed dry eyes. “Ling you never call? You don’t write? You need to respect your mother more, look at her, she only has your best interests at heart,” Greed taunted with aggrievement. 

“You’re a very good boy, here, have a biscuit,”she patted Greed on the arm and handed him the treat. Ling started growling in rage.

Greed inhaled the biscuit before Ling took over and Ling had to cough around crumbs. He took a sip of tea. “What was I supposed to write about, he,” Ling pointed to himself, “was supposed to be a SECRET. The country would not take kindly to me being literally possessed- they're a superstitious backsliding bunch of mercury drinkers. I didn’t want you to have any contact with me until I got settled being Emperor before all THIS (he said talking about Greed again) and he is NOT a ‘good boy’ he’s a criminal AND a jerk!” 

Greed cackled. 

“You and I both know that fratricide and many of my other crimes were totally justified. Miss Yao, Yu Yan, I’m sure you can see my influence on how this country is being run, he desperately needs my help in almost every respect. Look Ling, I know that in times of stress you want to shift the shortcomings of others into the limelight to distract people from your own but it’s so discourteous” Greed said while putting his arms up in a shrug.

“I know you’ve been helping my son. I see it in the reform you’ve managed to push these last few weeks. You’ve gotten more done in barely a month than he’s done in six or more!” she said, “at least he had the wisdom to ask for your help. You never asked to be stuck with him.”

“Yeah she's right I did never ask to be saddled with you!” Greed could not have beamed any more smug to Ling if he tried. Ling meanwhile was about two seconds from tearing his hair out. He wanted to scream that he'd also never asked to be saddled with Greed but he realized he had specifically asked for the stone and all it entailed. Greed took Ling’s silence as a go ahead, determined to get him back for earlier. 

“I mean you have to imagine my surprise all those years ago, a kid in the middle of my screaming cacophony of souls? I immediately felt for the young whelp and took him under my figurative wing,” “GREED,” Ling warned audibly. Greed stuffed him back. “You heard my story- he says before I have the chance to do anything ‘oh feel free to use my body, not like I need the thing anymore’ just the /craziest/ thing to tell a parasite invading your body. He didn’t even put up a fight,” Ling’s mother raised a hand to her mouth in an ‘oh my’ expression. One of Greed’s arms tapped him on the shoulder. Greed looked at it and it flipped him the bird and flicked him in the nose a little harder than he thought was necessary. “God alright you’re such a brat sometimes,” he rubbed his nose but stopped suppressing Ling. 

“Mother you know what Greed's saying is only ten to twenty percent true right? It's important to me that you know that.” She looked at him skeptically which made Ling worry. 

“I'm sorry I made you worry so much, my distance was to protect you as well. It was bad enough showing any favoritism, I needed to get established and before Greed came back I wasn’t.. I wasn’t the best version of me,” Ling said, a little serious. He twiddled his thumbs. “Yeah, it’s obvious Ling’s only his best with me around,” Greed lanced through the mood with a joke as per usual. “Though some of that behavior was because of him directly…” Ling muttered, thinking back to all the parties he had ruined inadvertently. 

“I trust your judgement sweetheart I’m just doting on you like I never could when you were younger. You are the Emperor and you're doing a very good job. Also I'm aware Mr. Greed is a showman first and honest possibly fifth.” She clasped her hands together. Ling beamed. Greed clicked his tongue and looked away.

“As for you,” she pointed at Ling but the room knew what she meant. “Greed Yao I welcome you to use our family name, you’ve earned it. Thank you for your help with this broken country and more importantly to me at least being friends with my son,” Ling’s mother said with a very Ling-like smile. It looked like that’s where Ling had got it from. Greed’s face turned an interesting shade of carmine.

“He’s a bit touchy still about the friendship thing, you be in denial for so long and it does a number on your ability to take certain things in stride,” Ling said, saving Greed from his spluttering reply.

“Mother would you like to go see Mei with us? I know you have most likely met before the palace isn’t infinite after all but she is our sister and one of the family,” Ling offered his arm. “Yes I would love to join both of you dearies,” she said. Greed started at being included yet again. It was going to take some getting used to. 

“Uh Miss Yao not for nothing but you are part of a very small group that know I’m around so if you could keep that under your ornate headpiece-” “Yes Greedie I know, I have some common sense,” she smiled up at him and patted his elbow. “Also, as for others being able to put together what I have on my own I doubt they'd be able to, I'm your mother so of course I can guess when my son plays house with an incarnation of biblical proportions. Just be careful like you have and I'm sure you'll be fine.”

Ling was relieved. Greed had to duck out at the pet name, it was too much for him. 


	10. A Prince and a Homunculus Walk Into a Bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Canon adjacent, more of a missing scene really. Those six or so months where they were having their little camp out are ripe for me to just do whatever I want, huh? :)  
> Anyways the chapter title should give you a clue to where this is going.

 

 _You still awake?_ asked Ling in the quiet of the evening.

 

“Now I am,” Greed sub-vocalized. He opened one eye and shut it tightly again. He was perched in another tree, high up and exposed to the elements. Would it kill him to sleep on the ground under a blanket like a human being? This was playing hell on Ling’s back. Greed would always do things for appearances rather than actually being wise. Ling was used to it.

Greed had been awake the entire time. Of course Ling was aware, how could he not be?

 

 _Why are you all grumpy for?_ Ling fussed. Though he had some idea.

“Know why? I'm trapped with a constant annoyance, that's you if you were curious, and I'm BORED,” Greed said with an edge of something dangerously close to a whine in his voice. Ling’s idea had been correct.

 

 _I’d be happy to entertain you but you hate when I ‘don’t shut up ever’, your exact words on the matter._ Ling said smugly and leaned back with a grin.

 

“You don’t have anything to say you just like to talk.” Greed had hit the nail on the head with that statement.

 

 _Well, wanna go out somewhere? Town maybe? Go paint the town red?_ Ling asked, ignoring Greed had got him on that one. He suddenly had the beginnings of a terrible idea. He knew Greed would bite.

 

Greed sat up and straddled the branch he has been laying on. “Oh am I /allowed/ your highness or are you going to start squawking at me the second I do something to offend your sensibilities,” Greed bit.

 

_That insult really doesn't work when you're talking to actual royalty. I'm not gonna stop you! If you think /you/ are bored what does that make me? You can at least move around! I wanna go somewhere!_

 

“Well it's your own damn fault for overstaying your welcome and not getting absorbed-”

Ling cut Greed off with what can only be described as the mental equivalent of a slicing motion.

_A bup bup bup bup, not this old song and dance again, we’re beyond this and you know it, you want to go to town or what, we have money._

“I think I /will/ go to town! In fact, maybe I'll go to a bar! Promised day is in a few months and who knows if we’re all gonna die or not! I’m thirsty in any case and river water just isn’t hitting the spot.” He swung down from his perch and landed loudly on the ground, not caring that he startled the local wildlife. “I WANT BOOZE. I haven't had any since I got this body!” Greed stamped his foot now that he was earthbound. His temper tantrum was transparent, it seemed to Ling like he was enacting some sort of plan to have him be upset or contrary to his bad behavior even though it was clear he wanted to go along with Ling’s suggestion. It’s almost like he /wanted/ to start an argument. He was guilty of forgetting that just because Ling was a lot more morally upright than Greed by comparison it did not make him an upstanding citizen. Ling was a slouching citizen at best.

_Yeah okay, let's go, my treat,_ He paused in a second of contemplation and then added, _I dare you._

He wasn't having Greed thinking he could control the flow of the conversation and leaned in to his addendum to his shitty idea of leaving camp. It had been far too long since his last nonsense and he also recognized an opening for his schemes. The addition of making it a dare also helped, Greed was loathe to turn down a dare.

Greed stopped his complain fest. “Aren't you under aged?” he asked, confused that he was immediately on board. Why was it whenever he thought he had Ling cornered the little bastard would throw him a curveball? He inadvertently poked holes into his own plan by posing the legitimate question.

_I'm not a narc! I wont tell if you don’t._ He said with a wink. Greed pulled a face, he hated when Ling somehow found a way to depict his expression at him. It felt weird. _As the emperor I’d dictate my own age limits, what are they gonna tell me? No?”_ He put a little more thought into it. _Amestris is loose about liquor law, correct? I'd be able to enlist at this age in the military and die for this shitty country. Let's take the median of our ages and that's how old Greedling can be!_ He grinned wickedly and Greed picked up on it again.

Greed crossed his arms at Ling’s words. “You’re talking sense, the world really is ending...” He uncrossed and put his arms up abruptly like he was ready to fight. “Hey! You just wanna get me so you can take over, well I’ll warn you I’m a mean drunk and-” _Greed knock it off with that already, you’re the one who suggested getting drunk and like I said we are /beyond/ this! I’ve been nothing but accommodating!_ Ling admonished while Greed lowered his hands slowly. Greed thought about it and would argue that Ling had been less than accommodating and more sly. Greed dropped off his old bull and peeled off to address a new problem that occurred to him “Okay brat, how do you suppose we leave camp, the chimera are up on watch and will be mad if we just go. Second issue, I don't remember us having money...” Greed roved his gaze to the fire where the two men were quietly chatting some distance away. He was aware Ed and the other two would frown on him skiving off unannounced. Ed was thankfully asleep already. He always slept a lot.

Ling was even more enthusiastic about this terrible idea to go on a bender now that Greed was using the casual ‘we’. To be directly included in Greed’s machinations was something new. _Well, I don’t know if I’m TRUSTABLE to relevant parties, YOU BY THE WAY, or anything but /they/ certainly think so, let me say something to them. Also, Ed’s flush with cash so I gently relieved him of some of the burden last time I was allowed out. He doesn’t know of course so keep it under your ponytail. Aren't I just the little planner of inevitability, should let me out more, see what other gains I can net you. Check your pockets._ And there was the slyness Greed was used to.

 

Greed made a noncommittal noise at finding the money and Ling nearly tripped over his still moving feet as he found he was quickly put in control. It was so easy when he wasn’t fighting or being fought by Greed. Robbing Ed had been worth it.

_Well go ahead with your ‘master’ plan, I’m eager to see what a master strategist like you comes up with._ Greed’s voice reverberated out from what felt like the back of his head behind his ears with a dollop of sarcasm. He hadn’t heard it like that in a while, but he’d also not been in control like this in a while, it echoed.

“I got this,” he straightened his collar, taking a second to smooth down his shirtfront and walked out of the gloom to Darius and Heinkel, all nonchalance. They had heard him coming.

“Hi guys, just wanna tell you I’m goin’ to town for a little, gonna go get something to eat! Don't wait up!”

“Oh,... Ling? Is that you? Where’s your … pal?” Darius questioned. He knew that 95% of the time that he talked to the child it was the nasty one and not the smiley one. _Why does everyone get your name right…_ Greed grumbled more to himself than to Ling. _Because you pissed Ed off and he likes to get you angry, if you want the truth. He knows who you are by now, he’s not stupid._ Ling shot to him quickly via thought rather than mouth. Greed made a ‘Tch’ noise in response.

 

“Sleeping! I’m taking advantage of the free time for some me time!” Ling used his mouth to say to the two who looked up at him. The two chimera looked at each other. “Alright. Don’t stay out too late? One of us will probably be up,” Darius said. “...Be responsible?” Heinkel ventured. They were unsure on how to deal with Ling, having met him less than a half dozen times in the last little while and each of those were brief.

“Uh huh!” Ling called back and about-faced. He went the other way from the fire towards the lights of town. He strolled until he was out of earshot then broke into a run.

 

“Why was that so easy, what the hell? Why for you?” Ling moved back quietly and Greed took back his accustomed spot without breaking their pace.

 _You kidnapped me, people frown on kidnappers, Greed. Additionally, you were kind of playing for the enemy team until recently._ Ling was excited to note the ease of switching off again. This was how their arrangement should be if it was going to be anything.

“You gave yourself up, square!” Greed challenged Ling’s valid points, not even noticing he had changed spots. _You would have just taken my body if I said no, don’t lie._ Ling grumbled.

“Yeah, truth be told I probably would have,” he acknowledged with a grin.  

They spent the rest of the trip in a silence that wasn’t uncomfortable.

 

Greed walked into town like he owned the place and spent a good twenty minutes looking at various buildings only to shake his head and move on to the next establishment while doing circuits around the main streets.

 _What are you up to, just pick a place?_ Ling broke his silence to ask. He didn't understand what Greed was doing, he had the go ahead to get wild. How was a walk wild?

 

“Kid, you are going to learn something tonight. A bar is not just a bar- it’s an experience and I want this experience to be perfectly tailored,” he spoke under his breath as he passed by two other places that sold refreshment.

_What in the /world/ is that supposed to mean?_

 

“I used to own a bar and being me I have very exact standards.”

 

_Do tell! ~ Okay I’ll bite. At least give me an idea of what your “standards” are, then, Mr Entrepreneur._

Ling seeded his voice with a little annoyance, he couldn’t come off as too eager, but was very invested. Greed was opening up to him little by little on accident and this stupid trip would hopefully encourage more. 

“That’s Mr. Avaricious to you. Keep talking sense and I’m going to think there’s something wrong with you, not that I don’t already. Fine, so take that bar over there an an example,” He gestured with an arm even though Ling shared his gaze and of course knew what he was looking at. “I don’t even need to go in the place to know that they water down their overpriced swill. The entrance is dirty, their sign is broken, and the people leaving and going in are down on their luck on a good day.”

_You strike me as someone who also watered down his swill._

 

“Ho ho! True, true, but I had a system. Anyway, that place over there,” he shrugged and pointed to a cute place that was more diner than bar with flowers in the windows, “is too nice. I’m on the lookout for dive-passing this evening. It’s too clean there, they care about their patronage. Might not even get in the door without being asked where my parents are. By the way if that happens tonight I’m not responsible for my actions, chump, just so you know. Let’s see here…” He walked on and turned a few corners to a seedier part of town like a migratory bird coming home to roost. He stopped in front of a place that was in the basement of an apartment building, the entrance at the bottom of some stairs. A few early risers were already leaving with tipsy gaits, the lit sign of the place lighting their tottering backs in red and blue and obscuring their faces. They looked a lot more satisfied with their night than the last few customers at the last few bars.

 

“Ah ha, this is better, this place will let anyone who can see over the counter cop something. This is why we couldn’t bring tiny,” Greed said with a flash of his teeth. Ling let out a surprised honest giggle at the unexpected joke at Edward’s expense.

“Now, we’ve got the place. I’m going to show you how to order something,” _Pray tell how do you do it besides point and say ‘one beer, please’._ Ling asked, still laughing.

“You wanna be emperor and you have no idea how to get a drink properly…” Greed palmed his face in frustration.

 

_Fine! Lead on, professor! Teach this /unworthy/ one your /advanced techniques/._

“Don’t sass me,” Greed threatened, but there wasn’t much of an edge to it.

Greed hopped down the stairs taking them two at a time and opened the doors, sliding in like he was a regular. Ever observant, Ling looked at the details of the bar that Greed had chosen just based on the outside of it. The interior was dingy with age but well kept and relatively clean taking into account how the outside looked.The furniture inside had holes taken out of it and names and designs carved in the backs with what looked like sharp objects or the cutlery but was clean and sturdy. The light was low and blue tinged with the neon that was hung on the sides of the interior of the basement. Couples, groups, and single customers of all kinds filled the expanse to about the halfway point but the night was young.

 

He sat down at a stool right at the front and waited for the bartender to turn around. He made eye contact with the large man wiping down a tiny delicate glass with gigantic hands and slid a few coins over the counter. He used his chin to point out a bottle on the wall and put a finger down on the counter. The bartender grunted and looked him up and down. Greed held his gaze and gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head when the bartender turned around partially to grab the bottle Greed pointed at. The man made another noise and grabbed the bottle behind the first, cracking the seal and pouring it into a glass. He took the coin off the counter and went back to helping other customers. Greed grabbed the glass with joy and knocked it back, placing it back on the counter with a ‘KLAK’. “AaaaaAA, that is the STUFF!” he belted. Ling actually felt Greed physically begin to relax and unwind like a spring from the second he walked into the place but even more tension left his body after he drank. Ling could tell this felt like…’Home’.

 

 _Wow, I didn’t know that to order a drink I’d need telepathy. What the hell did you just do?_ Ling had forgone his plan of getting Greed to talk to him and was genuinely just curious.

“I just told him that giving me the watered down stuff was unacceptable for this transaction,” Greed muttered.

_And how did you know that was a watered down bottle?_

“I had the same exact system, idiots get first bottle on the wall, customers able to discern that I was cheating them get the regular stuff,” He flicked an eye to a couple who were beyond tipsy and that the tender was giving them helpings of first bottle only. Ling answered with an ‘Ohhhh’ and some nods at the surprisingly tidy set up. Anything to skim off the top, huh.

Greed snapped his fingers a few times and got the keep’s attention. He put three fingers on the counter and indicated another bottle. He got three shots for actions.

 

“Okay shitheel, this bar is kind of a dive so it’s best to go for hard stuff. I want you to give me a reason why,” Greed said quietly and took one of the shots. After imbibing he began to feel a pleasant buzz.  

Ling knew Greed detested speaking to him mind to mind and the extra bit of effort it took but he wished that he’d take the pain to do it.

 _Rude! I have a name, you know. If I had to guess wildly, which I do, they don’t have their own beer on tap and what they have is probably kinda nasty._   

 

“Correct! They don't brew their own and just buy the dregs from other bars. Cheaper and easier that way. Look at the different stamps on the barrells behind the counter, depending on what's open you've got no idea what you're getting. A decent place would have their own brew, or at least buy a good amount of something uniform. You get the reward of taking a shot for your answer,” Greed downed another one and held up the final shot, pushing Ling into control. Ling blinked in the low blue toned light of the bar and swirled the clear liquid, frowning a little into the cup. He understood this was a test from Greed.  _Let’s go, we don’t have all night,_ droned out from the back of his head, Greed was amused.

Ling grimaced, he didn’t care much for liquor. When he was in Xing being drunk was a liability he couldn't afford so he never acquired a taste for it.

 

He had only been tipsy a few times as a younger teen experimenting with rice wine at a few of the safer functions he’d been dragged to and didn’t like that his faculties tanked under the influence. He preferred being in control of himself and he sighed at the irony of that thought immediately. Well, he was already in this a couple of drinks and nobody was around to kill him, except possibly Greed. He never could count Greed out for that. He swallowed the hootch and didn’t make a fool of himself by coughing. He put the glass on top of the other few that were sitting on the counter in a pyramid formation. He was acquainted enough with the taste and bar etiquette to at least pull those two things off.

“Good, good, at least I don’t have to teach you how to drink, I can salvage this yet, Ling,” Greed said with a slight slur to his voice, back in control after Ling placed the shot glass.   

 

Ling’s eyes widened. Had Greed /ever/ used his name before- No, no, he hadn’t. His name even sounded weird coming out of Greed’s mouth. He clamped down on his surprise, not wanting to tip Greed off. He grabbed control and was rocked again when it was EASY. He pointed to a green bottle with a significant amount of filigree on the outside as a distraction. “What’s that one!?”  _Ho ho, good eye, greedy aren’t you? That’s absinthe, quite the big boy drink. Want some? I certainly do._   Ling was gobsmacked, Greed was asking if /he/ wanted something now? This was turning out to be a night of many firsts. “Yes, absolutely!” he answered quickly. Unbeknownst to him Greed wasn’t messing around with calling absinthe a ‘big boy’ drink. It had been outright banned in Amestris for a few years.

  
_Look at you appreciating the finer things, how ‘me’ like. Get the guy’s attention like I did and order. Hopefully this is quality stuff. The good stuff will show you why there’s ‘sin’ in ‘sinthe._ Greed said with a laugh. Ling put up an arm marveling at Greed’s relaxed attitude, and did what Greed told him. The bartender cocked an eyebrow at him and Greed grabbed Ling’s face to set it with a proper expression of ‘yes I know what I’m doing’. The keep shrugged and pulled the bottle down, the guy in front of him had thrown back those shots with a seasoned air about him. 

He grabbed the ice, sugar, and water and began assembling the proper way to drink the hallucinogen. He even dug out a reservoir glass from under a counter.

 

Greed’s opinion of the bar went up a marked amount along with his eyebrows. “Now the good stuff will have a louche effect,” Greed muttered, intent on the process of assembly he was watching. _Amestrian is my third language, explain._ Ling ordered. “Okay dingaling, no need to get all prince-y on me. Gotta wait while he makes this anyway, it takes a little time, as many good things do.” Sure enough the bartender was slowly drizzling the ice water through the sugar into the glass. “It has to do with the opa-opacity,” he slurred a little harder on the last word. The drinks he’d already had were hitting him a little harder than he expected. Had to be this new body of his. The kid was young and inexperienced and Greed belatedly remembered that he was technically about half human now on top of everything else. He felt like that might be an important fact to remember in that alcohol might hit him differently. Little too late for that revelation. He looked at the glass of green mana that was nearly completed and licked his lips. This stuff was pretty impossible to get back in Dublith, of course so close to the military capital it’d be easier. You just had to follow money and power in order to get a fix of the best both could get you even it was illegal, especially so.

 

He went on to explain terms like ‘turbidity’ in reference to drink quality to Ling who was also feeling the effects of their liquid dinner and didn’t have to fake being relatively enthralled. This was the most Greed had voluntarily talked to him in one sitting and the night was young. Stranger yet, Greed was eloquent, Ling was not used to eloquence from him, even through the rising drink haze. Greed took the glass when it was finished being prepared with him back to a more secluded table along with about half a bottle of something that was called ‘Stray Dog’ in a whiskey bottle. He sat down and sipped the effervescence with relish. “I don’t got drinking buddies being so new in town so you’ll have to do. Tell me something, entertain me,” he levered to Ling. Ling was enjoying the unfamiliar flushed feeling and didn’t understand the importance of Greed’s words.

 

_Uhhh._

 

Ling was truly put on the spot and for one of the first times ever was rendered completely speechless. He grabbed for anything he could think of. He needed something he could talk well about even as he felt a little dizzy.

_Uhhh well, how about Xing?_

“As good a topic as any!” Greed propped his feet up on the table and dumped the last bit of the green liquid in his mouth. The sugar really offset the bitterness of the wormwood. Ling made himself comfortable, maybe getting drunk wasn’t so bad.

_You’re about half as old as Amestris, right?_

Greed dipped his head in agreement.

_This is a drop in a bucket on how old cities are in Xing. Not the country- cities, buildings, I’ve worn clothes older than you. I’ve spilled sauce on clothes older than you. Xing is /that/ old. Everything has a history to it and there’s are no shortage of people that will sit you down and wave in your face how their random possession has the most important and ancient traditions ascribed to it. It’s a stuffy kind of place. Everything is steeped in rules and regulations but it’s beautiful and fierce, too.  
_

“Mmm,” hummed Greed, enjoying his buzz and playing with the rapidly emptying bottle, spinning it on an axis on the table with his hand. He had been sipping as the kid started in on talking about something that was properly his. Greed had never been to this Xing place, it was far across the desert and he’d been far too lazy to give the trip a go. He was told of structures so large they were hazy near the ceiling, of forests and mountains so dense nobody had explored them in recorded history. He told him of palace life, of rich cities and dyed fabrics flapping in the wind. Ling talked slowly in order to choose his words as he reached back into his memories for places and concepts. Greed closed his eyes and could see flashes of unfamiliar landmarks as Ling concentrated on his story. Ling could gab, Greed gave him that for free.

When Ling was done talking a chunk of time later he trailed off into silence. Greed frowned as he felt an unfamiliar emotional signal from the whelp. Oh /gross/! He was wistful!  He slapped a palm down on the table. “Oh no.. you don’t. Don’t you dare ruin my night by get..ting, getting moon-y on me royal pain in the ass,” he stammered over his rough tongue. He was truly sauced, now. “Tell me somethin’,... tell me somethin’ else,” he pressed, wanting a change in subject.

_No!,_ Ling shot back quickly, _Your.. turn Greeb… Greed. Tell ME something._ Ling was cooked too. He hadn’t noticed Greed had been at the bottle when he reminisced but he hadn’t forgotten his plan to get Greed to talk. Greed pursed his lips and wrinkled his nose.

He swayed a little where he sat.

“Right, so this’d.. one time I was lookin’ to piss Envy off because Envy was there being all in my field of vision and-”

Ling crossed his legs and smiled. Bingo.

\-----------------------

If Ling had an actual head instead of a figurative one he’d be putting it between his knees to stave off the nausea he felt wrapping around him from his outside senses. He tried it anyway and it didn’t seem like it was working. Greed had made him laugh so hard from telling him all the times he had made it a point to destroy Envy verbally especially that it made Ling nearly sick. It seemed like whenever they were in a room they were destined to fight and that was one of the reasons, Greed explained further on, that he had left. His siblings were no fun, his father was a stick in the mud. He was always stuck on guard duty and chimera tending. Even GLUTTONY got to go out on missions for pete’s sake. He had picked himself up and marched out of there when the days had blended together. He told Ling in no uncertain terms that Lust was ‘the only bitch in that place he respected’ which caused Ling to laugh so violently that he nearly passed out. Greed joined him and slapped himself on the back. It was a little fuzzy as to who was where from minute to minute.  

 

They traded more stories, Ling mostly about his foibles as a child and Greed about how he had actually come to acquire a bar at Ling's request. It had turned out that a card game got heated enough where property deeds were involved as the stakes were raised. Ling had commented that that was the only way he’d ever believe Greed could come into property ownership besides squatting somewhere long enough that the original owners died. Greed pouted at the slight dig but chuckled that Ling’s statement probably was true.

Ling spoke about encounters with his own siblings, gloating that ‘did Greed think he had a big family, well he had news for him’. Ling pointed out the similarities in that his siblings also disliked him enough to murder him though it was from a place of him being in the way as a potential threat down the line rather than just being annoying like Greed. Ling did make a point that he had started to be annoying to others on top of being a threat as he grew up.

“I would have NEver thought you ‘noying before,” Greed said, playing up being shocked.

 _It's a talent._ Ling giggled.

 

Ling brought up that palace life for him wasn’t all fun and games even though he strived hard for it to be that way. Greed had waved off a few assassination attempt stories saying they were weak sauce in comparison to actually dying many times over the years. He had an idea.

“Hey! You said about,” he swayed a little, “about assass...in ass ass.. Times they tried to kill you. You ever reciprocate?”

_Whu-huh, like what like… kill ‘em back??_

“Yea.”

 _I’m not gonna’ say my hands are clean I mean I’m here annoying you today ‘cause I had to make some hard decisions but-”_ Ling tried to answer his question seriously.

“I can guess you’re no strang’r to murders, Yao”

 _Ohhh don’t like that, Ling is fine, really._ Greed was getting creative with his name all of a sudden.

“Ling. ‘K. What was the first time? You fought back and stuff- I jus’ went one day out and left-  went far enough that nobody looked. Dunno if father cared to look at all or knew I’d be back in his hair eventually or what,” Greed contemplated with a befuddled way about him. He leaned back in his chair and looked at the ceiling.

 

Ling was treated to a nice view of cobwebs amidst the rafters and the ability to use his mouth. He put a finger on his chin.

“I was small, it was during a dinner, I think they wanted to poison me or a few people at the table… I don’t remember. I gave some of mine before I ate it to a palace dog and it got really sick all fast.. One of my sisters was at the table, I barely remember her face.” Greed got a flash of a smile in dark red makeup and arms draped in silk, “she wasn’t eating like the others. I took a prong and went for her neck, I only grazed her but I guess it scared her enough that she left Xing all together. Poison is a coward’s tool anyways,” Talking about trying to kill his sister at the tender age of a toddler harshed Ling’s good mood. Greed was also similarly put out.

_Huh, uhh sorry._

“Don’t worry about it, it was like twelve years ago- I’ve done a looooot worse since then,” Ling said.

_Got any other burning questions?_

Greed asked in return, offering up information of his as apology. Ling was too blitzed to realize that that was dangerously close to a sorry.

“Dealer’s choice,” Ling said and slumped forward on to the table. Greed clutched the bottle and pinched Ling’s nose until he opened his mouth and threw a splash in there. Sated for the moment he told Ling about the time he had tried to start a band at the nest until he realized that entailed knowing how to play instruments.

\---------------------

"I think we've had enough fun for tonight prince of bastards, all good boys and homunculi should be home" Greed said loudly, volume modulation gone after finishing off the brown bottle. It came out garbled enough that it was nigh unintelligible to the casual listener. There was a three second pause and they both erupted in guffaws, two different laughs coming from Ling’s mouth. The night was only middle aged. "Hey. hey LINGG. WHAT KINDA... whay kinda booze Xing got?? zit good??"  
"Mostly rice!!!” he answered back. “I had some stuff? **One time- it was yak based** ... maybe...   **Goji Berries?** wassa... wassa Amestrian? It's a berry" Ling was forgetting his learned languages and slipping in and out of Xingese.

 

"Most wines is berries...." Greed spoke into the table where he rested his forehead. The room was spinning, how rude of the room to do that.

  
"Greed you would loveee the **hard liquor** family thatsa gud family not like our families, hey Greed why are our famblies GARBAGE?? anywayss... its strong stuff!!! You come over my house I give you some, " Ling tottered, delirious. "Maybe I Will! Whatsd **alcoholic beverage** ??" Greed stumbled over the unfamiliar pronunciation. "Booze," Ling gave him the answer. Both were using Ling’s mouth and not hiding the fact under a mutter anymore. They were drawing some stares from the other patrons around them but the other customers chalked it up to the shot glass pyramid that the guy had stacked next to him. "Oh. Important word." said Greed in all seriousness. “You wanna get somethin’ to eat??” Ling asked Greed, also deadly serious. He knew even trapped under a cloud of inebriation that he had to put some food on all this liquid or he’d wake up very in trouble. “I could eat, I could abso..lutely eat right now. You a mind ‘eader? You a mind reader Ling you neeeverr told me,” he hiccuped and his head suddenly snapped up. “Wait. WAIT. First, mebbe this place has got it, I bet they do!” He gave a mental push to Ling who looked up at a dusty bottle with no label that was sitting on the highest shelf. _Get, get that one, they usuallbe won't give it to nyone’. I can -tell- . Bring it.. Bring it over dingaling. It’s made out of potatoes and hatred. You’re gonna /love/ it._

 

Ling slid up to the counter like bones were optional and jauntily pointed to the bottle that looked old enough to have come from Xing. The bartender looked the grinning youth up and down again and reassessed how old he thought he was. He had come into the bar looking in the early twenties range but now the bartender knocked a few years off that estimate. He spoke to the kid for the first time this evening.

“We don’t give this to whom I suspect is a minor but this bar is not a fine establishment of repute so who am I to judge? Here you go you hero,” disclaimer out of the way the keep fished it down and handed to bottle to Ling.

Ling shakily poured a shot and was hit by a wave of fumes.

“Is it sup’posed to be burnin’ my eyebrows off?”

_Oh heellllll yesss._

Ling downed the shot and had to keep it down by sheer force of will. It was spicy if spicy was liable to be ripping the lining of mouth apart.

_Hahahahaha niccce going! You’re alright!_

“Wow! Tastes like burn’in too!!”

Greed dragged Ling out of the bar after rolling an amount of coins on the counter to the bartender until he stopped frowning.

Ling scuttled up the stairs bestially and put his nose up to the air, he required food, more importantly he wanted /trash/ food. He tottled down side streets singing a few Xingese folk songs on the way. Greed didn't know the words but absently hummed a few notes here and there as a backing track.

They promptly got kicked out of two places for looking like an escaped hospital patient and the fact they smelled like rubbing alcohol. The third, a place that probably shouldn't have been handling food, let them in. It was staffed by a single waitress that took one look at them and wanted to go home. The late night shift always attracted the loony bin.

The boy giggled to himself as he sat in a booth near the back, holding a menu upside down.

“Ssshuut up Ling stop singing I can barely hear myself think shh shh what do you want no I asked you, im buyin’ shut up shut up, shhhhHH HAHAHA GREED we’re Drucnk? no IM BUYIN’ its the leastest i can do were pals greed partners in crime right yeah- huh now you shut up no you order no YOU,” the boy's word vomit made no sense to her but she did her job and went over to take his order. The over under on him having money at all wasn't looking so good. The kid flapped a hand as she walked toward him.

“Shut Up, she’s comin ober look alive, hello nice lady”, the boy said as she came to rest by his elbow with a pad of paper.

“And what would the gentleman desire this evening?” she replied, customer service fakeness dripping off her.

“Uuhhhhhhhhh,” Ling actually looked, really looked, at the menu for the first time.

“That one!” He pointed to the logo of the restaurant since his ability to read was obliterated much like the rest of him. The logo on the menu was of a pot pie, something they did actually have. They were going to throw them out in the morning because they had been sitting out most of the day but she had no scruples serving them to this kid because of the thought that he probably wouldn’t pay.

She brought him two pies and found him still mumbling to himself. He reached for the hastily warmed up fare with grabby hands and shoved one in his mouth. He chewed most of it and talked around the rest, “Hey keep ‘em comin' why don’t ya and he wants ‘ta know you got any rice or nah?” He slurred. He put some money down on the counter. She didn’t know who ‘he’ was but at least he paid. She palmed the cash and stalked to the back to check if they had rice made or not. Greed downed water directly from the pitcher she had left at the table instead of a glass.

Ling had been whining about missing rice since he ordered and the downside was that even if Greed stuffed his mouth Ling could still talk. He hated doing things to only shut Ling up but there wasn’t a choice in the matter when it came to him and food. There was no one else in the building and the waitress had been staring at him so he had asked more to have her leave than to please anyone else. His earlier high spirits were trickling off with signs from his body that he /maybe/ had overdone it. Greed wasn’t sure if the nausea he was feeling was because he was hungry or because of the amount of liquor he had consumed already. He still wasn’t used to how this body worked. He had never experienced a hangover before, at least not at the severity that humans seemed to experience them. He had a dark feeling through his drunk brain that he’d be getting a front row seat to that soon enough. All the more important to load up on heavy food.

 

Ling was right, trash food was the way to go, the pies tasted better than the fancy food he had had his first day back. Ling meanwhile was almost asleep, taking a backseat after finishing off the two pies the waitress had brought. They had been family style in size but that didn’t stop Ling or him. Greed hated to admit it but addled though he was he realized he had outright enjoyed his company this evening. Terrible. Awful. Gross.

He also felt terrible and awful- and sweaty. The girl returned with rice and Ling perked up immediately. The rice wasn’t quite like the stuff from his homeland, being of a longer grain and not prepared in the right way but it was fresh.

Ling inhaled it like he always did and Greed felt a little better. Humans swore by rice or potatoes after heavy drink. Greed felt a glow of contentment coming from Ling and his mouth pulled to the side in a reluctant expression. It was time to go back to camp.

 

“Time to go bed,” Greed felt a little less tipsy after the food and pounding all the free water he could drink. He laid a few more coins on the table in a rare show of generosity, he wanted to come back to this place again. Plus it was Ed’s money, it wasn’t like he couldn’t get more.

Ling mumbled an affirmative and promptly fell asleep. That was different, usually Greed had to fall asleep first. It was like the brat didn’t trust him or something.

It was weird but he felt pretty comfortable. Hmph, ‘partners in crime’ he kind of liked the ring to that. He thought about getting up to some unsupervised shenanigans on his own but the headache that started to tickle his temples told him to reconsider.

He stumbled out the door and trundled back to camp.

\-------------------------------------------

Greed didn’t remember how or when he’d gotten back but he had woken early in the morning with Ed’s hands around his ankles, dragging him out of the open area he apparently had collapsed in to a sheltered spot near the fire that was only coals. He had also woke up during the move still wasted and berated Ed loudly in a mess of harsh language for the affront. Ed hollered back that it was his fault anyway and left him by the fire legs akimbo with a horse blanket and a canteen of water. He had curled into a ball and drifted back to sleep underneath the blanket. 

The Chimera had told Ed when he rose earlier that Ling, Ling not Greed, had left some time after sundown and still had not returned. Ed was puzzled but trusted Ling more than Greed. A little more. When daybreak came and they were still not back he reluctantly put his shoes on and went to look for him… them. He knew even though it had most likely been Ling of all people that had left that other one was probably involved. If Ling was out maybe that meant they were getting on better than the argument they had the other day let on. He wasn’t sure what to call their arrangement most days besides a hostage situation and honestly from the flashes he got of Ling’s demenor whom was actually hostage in said arrangement was suspect.

 

Ed had found the damnable homunculus a few feet from the side of the road near the camp in a ditch, halfway buried in some reeds and damp from the dew that had precipitated from the fog rolling over the fields. He was extremely tempted to leave him there and pack up camp and go far away but his conscience wouldn’t let him. His conscience however did not prevent him dragging him by the ankles and whacking his head off a few rocks in the road on the way back. Greedling smelled awful and Ed could tell he’d gotten up to some carousing, as for which one was at fault he had a sneaking suspicion it was them both. He left him alone, fully ready to chastise him later when he eventually woke up. If Ling was involved that meant he’d come round for food eventually. What was he? Some sort of stray…. Ed flashed back to how they had found Ling in the first place and realized that yes. Yes he was.

\----------

Greed was awake under the blanket but his head throbbed a drumbeat and his joints joined in. He couldn’t handle the sun peeking out from in between the woven strands of the blanket and didn’t want to even think about taking it off his head just yet. He had managed to keep the contents of his stomach down so far but it was a touch and go ordeal. He had partied… a little too hard. Humanity sucked. He missed his old body, by now he’d be up and raring to go with zero ill effects no matter how bad his night had been before. Ling wasn’t even awake to share in the misery and he even heard light snoring coming from between his ears. He moaned angirly and curled in on himself around his upset stomach. Why did he have to deal with the downsides of humanity when… hhhhhold on a second he really /didn’t/ have to deal with anything did he?

Greed smiled and switched with Ling. Keeping him around did have some /wonderful/ uses. He went deep enough to cut himself off from his outside senses and sighed in relief. He felt Ling moan in sleepy distress in a distant way. He was about to sleep when he had another idea. He was full of them today.

 

_GOOD MORNING!!!!_

 

He returned to outside for a second and threw the blankets off himself and retreated back, leaving Ling to it.

Ling shrieked and covered his eyes. He rolled onto his stomach and kicked his feet rapidly swearing up a storm in a few different languages, convulsing in pain on the ground. Greed enjoyed the show.

Ling moaned in agony and blindly groped for the blanket, finding it and throwing it over himself, trying not to heave as his stomach rebelled from the activity. Greed cackled and stayed out of reach, making sure to keep Ling in control. Usually it was the other way around. Payback was a nasty customer.

After saving his eyesight Ling finally calmed down enough to push back against Greed and retreat from himself.

He appeared in their shared habitat of thousands of screaming souls, removed as he was from his broken body Ling didn’t mind the noise as much as he had minded Greed’s greeting.

He stared up at Greed who was grinning wildly as only a being that was mostly teeth could.

 

“Hello and salutations!” Greed taunted “did you like your first taste of the epicurean life of an adult?” Ling immediately washed him in a swell of that language of his. Greed of course had no idea what he was saying but could get by on his tone.

“Oh thanks, I had a good night sleep too, did you like my wake up call? Sure you did! I was just returning the favor from a few days ago,” Greed replied to what he suspected was about 80% swear words like they were having a pleasant breakfast table conversation.

Ling trickled off swearing and sat down.

 

“OKAY! I get your drift! I won't do that again…” Ling said, referring to his own wake up call to Greed. He clasped his hands and looked around. “Mind if I stay here a bit with you? I feel worse than after Envy broke most of my ribs,” he smiled up at him. But if it's okay with you I'd like to continue taking 'outside' shift today later on after we stop feeling like hot garbage? Maybe do some Tai Chi?" Ling went for his cake to eat it too, if Greed was gonna torture him with a hangover then Ling would at least get some use out of it. Greed moved a bit closer to peer at him, “Do what you want, I want a nap- but hold on you fought Envy? How’d that treat you?”

“Oh they turned into a snake and tried to bite me,” Ling said fondly.

“HAHA oh, me too! They sure do like the snake thing.” Greed said in return. His eye slits crinkled upward in mirth. Chatting in here looked to be more attractive than dealing with their shared problems out there even if it was just Ling.

 

Ed went over to check on Greedling and found him comatose underneath the blanket with a small smile on his face. Even kicking at him with a toe didn’t elicit a response. He was still breathing so it was not his problem. Just to be sure Ed checked underneath an eyelid and saw only the whites that were far rolled up into his head and flicking back and forth in the patterns of a dreamer. They were so god damn weird.

Ed stalked off to get more firewood and some breakfast before they came to eat all of it.


	11. Entities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to palace life, we take a peek at an often overlooked man by the name of Vato Falman.

 

The talks had gone... okay... today. He knew his first day in the Xing capital would be eventful but that had been a little much, especially near the middle. At least near the end he thought it had leveled out, it was hard to judge given the rapid succession of events and the various supernatural… aspects of said events. Vato Falman was out of his depth on the non-political side of things which was the majority of what had been off about the talks. Political he could deal with. Homunculi? Homunculi that were supposed to be dead? Not so much.

Further still, most meetings he sat in on were not punctuated by so much yelling and throwing things from both sides. Mostly it was more easily concealed seething dislike. 

He really didn’t know how to take this whole double Emperor debacle and this was coming from someone who had been forced to hang out with a serial murderer that was also basically a ghost for longer than was healthy.  Longer than healthy being anything more than it took to run away in his opinion.

 

Why was it always him? 

 

Worse, they, the two who were shockingly running this country (not into the ground like Roy had hoped they were) were on the record /liking/ him. Him, specifically! They both had asked after his condition multiple times during the day and paid special attention to his answers, even though they were mostly him ‘uhhhing’ until they went away. Such attention made him feel uncomfortable. Falman was able to do what he does, infiltration and information gathering, well because he specifically didn't garner attention from most people. Attention from important people meant he was in a dangerous spot and needed to leave immediately in a normal situation. It was anything but normal here and because of this it wasn't like he could flee the country. 

He felt at the very least they doted on him in part to piss off his superior, Roy, which was indeed happening in full view of everyone present. Roy was used to being regarded as the most important person in the room barring a few exceptions on the entire planet. Ling Yao and that other one, Greed, made it a point to regard literally everyone else as more worth their time. Ling was friendly and equal handed about it and Greed not so much.  Roy visibly did not care for it even though he knew better than to voice his opinions on that matter. He was vain and if Falman was being totally honest in his private thoughts sometimes a little tiny bit stupid- but not that stupid.

This couldn't be the entire reason why he merited special attention. They could have picked anyone in that room if that was their only aim. It just seemed to be about him.

 

He didn’t understand why he kept getting into these situations, first it was with Barry, who, now that Falman thought back on it, wasn’t as bad as he could have been. Just, you know, a serial killer. He liked him enough to try and gossip and play board games? He just happened to not need to sleep or to breathe and kinda sorta wanted to kill him. Falman didn’t get a lot of sleep either back then for obvious reasons. He had managed to work out with him that as long as he had kept winning at chess Barry was not allowed to slice him. Why was it the weirdos always listened to rules that made no sense? It had saved his life probably so he wasn’t complaining. 

 

Those other two though, he had -no idea- what he had done to get into their good graces. He had put the cheerful Ling Yao up in a safe house and fed and clothed the boy but it wasn’t like that was all that much in the grand scheme. The boy had been on the run at the time so maybe that was it. Estrangement from your home country would make you appreciate a handout. Falman did remember that a kind deed meant a lot to someone where good deeds done for them were few and far between. It was reasonable to assume that he’d continue to remember it now.

He had in fact mentioned the kindness on the roof when he was busy fighting that penultimate battle months after it had happened, Falman remembered with that clarity of his. He had been pretty shocked to see Ling Yao clashing with his bosses’ boss on that fateful day.

It was not or, kind of not, Ling that had saved him at the time he learned a little later on, to intense lack of understanding. Those guys had saved his life when he defended the door with nothing but a pistol. A harsher more guttural voice talking serious smack only to be replaced by a boy waving monstrous claws in jovial greeting. That was his first encounter with Greedling.

He moved on and pontificated about the Greed portion of the set. As far as he knew he hadn’t done anything nice for him… In fact if the voice was anything to go by Greed had been the one to inadvertently save his life during their last meeting. Falman really owed him and not the other way around. He worked out that it was possible that Ling Yao’s endearment to him rubbed off? Maybe? He wasn’t going to estimate how that… whole thing... worked. What /was/ it with him and nonhuman entities?

He shook his head and re orientated himself with the directions he had memorized. He tried to go back to his suite, getting almost turned around in darkened hallways of the palace even though he had his excellent memory to rely on. Didn't really help when you didn't have a frame of reference to go off of. He eventually found his room after some time bumbling around which conveniently had a plaque with his name etched in delicate script on the door. He slid said door open to survey his quarters for the first time.

It was very nice, one of the nicest places he had ever slept in and over the years of his service he had been to the Armstrong mansion and other high society contacts of Roy’s. Off to front of the large room were partitions with pastoral scenes painted on them obscuring the bedroom portion of the expanse. Unlike the other fancy places he had been this was simple, Falman did enjoy simple. Simple was really good. 

The bed was flush with the ground, next to it a table, also low enough to be able to interacted with while laying down. A single candle gave him enough light to see by with the addition of the moon which was nearly full and shining from the delicate windows. Decorations included a single painfully thin vase with a branch of dogwood and other such rich sundries. He was careful to not touch anything, he didn’t want to be the one that broke anything in his room. He’d leave those honors to Havoc in his own quarters. 

He got ready for bed and laid down on the floor. He had done his share of field service like anyone else so falling asleep anywhere wasn’t a problem. It was more the unfamiliar room than anything to do with the bed’s location. Plus he felt odd, as if he was being watched. Given Xing’s nasty reputation he heard lots of stories from Breda on the trip over there was a decent chance he probably was. The emperor had extended his protection to him so he had that going for him. He doubted that anything would actually happen to him but to be safe he slept with a field knife under his pillow. Being prepared and ready for anything had kept him alive so far. That and more than his fair share of luck.

 

He slept badly, the uncomfortable feeling persisted into his subconscious making his dreams similarly disconnected. Slipping in and out of wakefulness he straddled proper sleep. His eyes fluttered open as he rubber banded back to being fully awake, rolling on his back he faced the ceiling. When he couldn't sleep at home he’d stare at the beams and follow cracks and whorls in the wood until he would drift off, it helped him get his thoughts in order. He peered at the air above him to attempt the same ritual, hoping that the familiarity would knock him out. 

  With a start he thought he saw movement from the ceiling, a flash of a lighter shade against the dark wood and the shadows high above. He opened his eyes fully to scan the air but the flash of whatever it was had gone. Or maybe it hadn’t existed in the first place… he /had/ been half asleep... He hoped he had dreamed it but his gut told him that he wasn’t so lucky. 

He didn’t, rather he couldn’t, go back to sleep now. But, he also didn't make a move to get up and investigate. Caution was another trait he had in spades. He shut his eyes and chose to wait it out.

He persisted being awake, the feeling of being watched multiplying exponentially as seconds ticked by. His hair prickled on the back of his neck though he kept his eyes shut and his breath even. The bad feeling he had grew and grew. He finally couldn't take it any more and opened his eyes to slits again to find someTHING standing over him. In the dim light of the moon it looked like a specter of insidious horror. The robes it was wearing were askew and trailing off a shoulder and it’s face- if it even had one, was obscured by a dark tangle of hair.

Falman grunted in surprise and extreme alarm but successfully repressed a scream. He froze in place as it leaned in close but for the slow and deliberate movement of his arm as he started to slip a hand behind him- under his pillow where the knife lay.

The entity opened its mouth, too-sharp teeth winking, and cleared it’s throat.

“Hey, you still sleeping or-?”

Falman deflated.

It was the emperor. He flopped backward on his pillow and gasped for breath rubbing his sweaty forehead with a palm.

Greed flipped his hair back from his face (he usually slept with it down after it was up and painfully tight all day) which showed pale in the moonlight and tied it into a messy bun to get it away from his eyes. He wasn’t very good with fixing it up nice but it didn’t matter to the company he was looking to keep. Falman’s respiration had stabilized and he had stopped feeling for the weapon that Greed was sure must lie under his pillow, Greed belatedly did remember this man was military. He didn’t blame Falman in the slightest for what he assumed was a knife. This was Xing. 

“We’re bored, can’t sleep. Wanna hang out? Play some cards? Ling cheats and frankly it’s kind of hard to play anything that requires bluffing or hell even /looking/ at the cards being as we are.” Greed produced a deck of playing cards from inside his sleeve. Ling made himself known by shrugging for him and belting a quick laugh. 

“I don’t- remember typical hanging out entailing you literally hanging from my ceiling while I sleep,” Falman stammered out with a touch of actual anger. Greed backed off a little from his position of being nearly on top of Falman and fixed his pajamas that had gotten rumpled when he played lizard in the rafters. Cheeky. He liked people that had a spine. “Oh you saw that, then? I have to take to the top roads to dodge my security sometimes, it’s good to know their hearts are into it. As for the hanging I did always take things literal,” Greed joked and sat down on the floor next to Falman who rubbed his tear ducts in a moment of aggravation and went to light an oil lamp from the candle that was still burning on the table that was close to him. 

Greed wrapped a hand around a leg of the same table and dragged it over. He opened the pack and cut the cards, shuffling them with ease of long practice in both bodies. Ling’s nimble fingers danced over the card faces as he fanned the deck and flipped it over with a satisfying noise of the many cards locking into new positions. 

“Let’s play war, I’d say we do a three man game but that leaves you at a marked disadvantage, we’ll go a few rounds and winner plays Ling. Nice chance game, leaves little room for /cheaters/.” Falman knew he wasn’t talking about him. Greed continued his shuffling in increasingly elaborate patterns but shut his eyes angrily.

“I go first! I suggested we get him to play after poker didn’t go so hot so it's my turn! Not my fault you’re halfway to insomniac, I can’t sleep either with your thoughts poking at me oh don’t give me that look I-” he put the cards down on the table and looked at Falman who had sat up and was peering at him quietly with an edge of nervousness, his baseline expression. “Uh, sorry, you know how it is,” Greed said. Falman did not know how it is. 

They played a few rounds and Falman’s luck was still with him, he won a few hands and even better got into two wars which he also both won. His pile of cards grew larger. Greed flipped his hand and after making a chagrined noise at losing another round he addressed Falman.    
“So, dish my man, how many strings you pull in that country, I gotta know. Us really, Ling’s curious too.”

“Excuse me?” Falman asked, why did this... Homunculus insist on asking the questions he had no clue how to answer? What did he mean by that? Why was he up in the middle of the night playing a child’s game with the personification of sin and the emperor of this entire country?  He didn’t have a clue on how to answer these questions he posed himself either. 

Greed took his expression to mean he didn’t much like the game. “We can play something else, just thought war might be a fun primer… or if you don’t wanna talk about you that’s fine. Some humans like to keep things locked down. Was just interested to know is all, between the three of us you got a great thing going,” he said and winked. 

“I still do not know what you’re referencing, your highness,” Falman regretted snapping at the Emperor before and sought to try and be polite from here on out. 

“Come on… it's just you and me…” He goaded then paused. “I didn’t forget about you just shush,” he wiggled his fingers in a ‘shoo’ motion. “and Ling here, you can tell us, you’re talented at finding yourself in the center of many political upsets, too many to be a coincidence.   Unlike Horse boy’s other herd your don’t seem to have anything ‘going for you’ you know? So I got to thinking you’re pretty damn smart, sitting back and letting “important” people be the face of decisions. Kinda reminded me of my whole deal,” Greed spoke with pride about his master plan of basically hitching a ride.

“I’m just a rank and file from Amestris your excellency. You’re pinning a lot of conjecture on me,” He flipped a few more cards while Greed had talked and won about two-thirds of the time. Falman knew he had to keep a firm hand on these ‘humanity is a relative term’ types, he didn't want them to get the wrong idea about him. Him being the Emperor was a wrench but he’d have to work around it. He /was/ good at working around it, he hoped.

“Ooookay, suuuree” Greed said with an exaggerated expression of giving up, indicating by his tone that he didn’t believe him for a moment. 

Greed flipped his final hand and they counted up the cards, though by the visible size difference in the piles Falman had wiped the floor with him. 

He frowned deeply at the loss but didn’t dwell on it long, a smile sliding back on his features again quickly. “Good game! Ling you’re up!” Suddenly Falman was looking at the boy he’d fed that long while ago. He re-situated himself from a legendarily lazy slouch to a more proper sitting position. Falman noted observantly that body language was a good way to tell these two apart. The voice always let him know him but pose and expression would be quicker.

“Uh, good evening,” Falman greeted the ‘newcomer’. How did it work when you had two people there the whole time? This diplomacy malarkey was tough as it was. “I apologize for yelling at you before, you.. both?.. startled me,” he said. He felt that since this one had dibs on being Emperor first that maybe he deserved a little more explanation. He didn’t feel like the boy in front of him had the capacity to hold a grudge based on a tiny slight but it was the emperor he was talking to. He couldn’t forget that. He admitted to himself that when he spoke with Greed before he kind of had. Ling waved off the apology and looked down at himself taking his hair out to tie it up a little better than Greed's ministrations. He was wearing pale blue robes that would look pearly white in this light and his skin and hair were an unfortunate combination to see in the dark. He realized belatedly that he must have really looked a fright to poor Falman and was lucky that he'd exercised caution in not blindly stabbing at him. Whoops. Greed followed his line of thinking and laughed, informing him privately that the palace will have rumors of a ghost within the day if anyone had caught sight of him. Greed liked bothering the palace locals any way he could and Xing was a painfully easy superstitious lot. Greed wouldn't have even taken an attempted stabbing the wrong way. He was aware what he had looked like when he woke Falman up.

They switched to rummy and Ling promised not to cheat, emperor’s honor. Like Greed, after a few hands he wanted to fill the relative silence to ask Falman a few things.

“Hey, can I pick your brain for a second?” He asked over the top of his cards. Falman steeled himself, sensing a loaded question, why was it always /always/ him? 

“Y-yes?”

“I wanna know, since you got an outside view of these things, what do you think about us? Don’t be afraid to share your honest opinion it’s my question as a friend, no official capacity” Ling said kindly.

“In regards to?” Falman asked back, toeing around the question. Questions 'off the record' were usually worse. 

“Like this deal, with Greed and all, you think we do a good job? Mustang has voice his opinion loudly that he doesn’t like it.” Ling said and threw together a run of cards. “Like we care-” Greed interjected.  “I know we’re doing a good job, I’m just reflecting on how it looks to, well, for lack of a better word, ‘normal’ people,” Ling continued , twitching two fingers on each hand in air quotations. 

“Not most alchemists, you understand, and people who directly fought a demigod besides,” he went on. Ed and Al don’t care and why would they? They’ve seen and done weirder. “To me it’s my new normal but I can tell that what we got would probably scare most people, they’d think of it as a curse at best. At least most people here in Xing, my beloved subjects who, need I remind you, liked drinking mercury up until a little while ago because they thought that it would give them superpowers” His brows knit together, “ I don’t regret anything you dumb ass I’m just saying!”  Falman supposed that talking out loud was easier or maybe they both just didn’t care. “Alchemy is like magic to me and yet that’s accepted, as someone who doesn’t understand how it works I’m also fine with it, it's convenient. My country is oddly fine with it, probably because it's convenient.  Most ‘tame’ science is beyond me as well, actually. I can’t tell you how a light bulb works and yet it does.” A small scowl lit his features. “You know how electricity works...of course you do.. save me the lecture for another time, what did you do all day for two hundred years just mindlessly absorb random facts or what?” Greed had interjected his two cents on the matter, Falman guessed. “So you’re my test case, since you call yourself ‘rank and file’, what do /you/ think Vato Falman,” he finished. 

Falman was just going to have to get used to a part of a conversation he couldn’t hear. He arranged his cards thoughtfully or really in a stalling tactic. He, probably they, Falman surmised, looked at him expectantly. 

“Roy just doesn’t like things outside his narrow worldview and things that are rude to him on purpose,” he said after a moment more of deliberation. Ling grinned at the beginnings of his answer. He’d have to be painfully honest here, this jovial playful one reminded him of too many superior officers that hid their intentions under a front. 

“Forgive me for my candidness but with you both and... the ‘thing’ you got going. Co-rulers? I don't know. It's none of my business is what it is.” He collected the cards for another run and laid them on the table, refusing to meet Ling’s eyes. “Roy can be vocal about how he dislikes it all he wants he still has to deal with you, it’s literally your country. So if I was him I’d suck it up,” Falman said. This better not get out to his superiors. 

Greed slapped the ground a few times with a palm and snickered. “Knew I liked him for a reason, knows how to pick his battles!” “I told you, I /told/ you.” Ling sang back. He switched back and forth congratulations ringing out in both voices.  

Falman sighed. 

A blond head chose that moment to poke into the room from the doorway, in fact three of them. Ed, Al, and Havoc of all people. Ed thumbed a hand at Havoc who looked sheepish, “we found him in a storage area lost as all get out,” he said, explaining the older officer’s presence. Al and Ed were almost as inseparable as him and Greed but Jean was a new addition. “And why were you around to find him?” Greed surfaced to reply tonelessly. 

“Snooping!” Ed brightly revealed. Greed pointed an index finger at him with a waggle of approval. He didn’t expect any different from the pair. 

Havoc extruded more of himself in the room to do his own snooping and noted the presence of the table on the ground with the cards strewn about. “Hey, hey, while I’m up anyone interested in a game of Dublith hold ‘em? I want playing cards with royalty off my list of ‘to dos, (hopefully kicking ass as well)’” “Would I /ever!/” Greed answered with glee, Dublith hold ‘em was a game that had significance to him.

“I warn you- he cheats. He pointed to himself, determined to suck the fun out of a win from Ling.” “I do too, but you’ll have to catch me at it,” Havoc said not missing a beat. Greed really liked these Amestrian rank and files. They knew how to have a good time. 

Falman shuffled the deck. Sleepless nights and faceless organisms. Every god-damn time. 


End file.
